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Ex boyfriend owes me money. How to get it back?


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My ex boyfriend owes me over �600. It was in small installments that I gave him money, as in for his phone bill, buying clothes etc. he doesn't have a job at the moment as he is dealing with his sisters death and that's why I helped him out. I transferred money always from my account to his never handed it to him. I have been asking for it back for 5 months now and I have not seen a single penny. I call, text him and he blocked my number. I then had to message him on Facebook about the money, I did say to him that he can pay me back in installments if it was easier. But now he has blocked me of Facebook too. I trusted him that he would pay it back but he has just been nasty. He has called me names when all I want is the money I gave him out of kindness. I had to leave my job due to severe depression so I would really benefit from that money. Has anyone got any ideas on how I can get it back?

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I think kiss that money goodbye. Unless you have something in writing that these were LOANS and not GIFTS, I don't think you'll be able to get it back. There's not much you can do, just I hope you learned a lesson about loaning money to boyfriends (ie, don't.) Men should go to banks, not their gfs.

 

There is a saying, "if you give someone money and you never see them again, then it was money well spent."

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I'd guess he has no intention of giving it back and you're only wasting your time 5 months later to the only connection remaining.

Definitely learn from this --only lend what you can count on never seeing again. I'd definitely forget about it and stop contacting him. There's no way you can "make him" pay you back and the time you spend thinking about it/contacting him is holding you back from moving on.

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If he doesn't have a job I am sure he wont be paying the money back to you.

You have learnt a very valuable and expensive lesson.....don't lend people money.

Im sorry he is being a jerk to you,but you need to just forget him and the money and move on.

Take care

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I think kiss that money goodbye. Unless you have something in writing that these were LOANS and not GIFTS, I don't think you'll be able to get it back. There's not much you can do, just I hope you learned a lesson about loaning money to boyfriends (ie, don't.) Men should go to banks, not their gfs.

 

There is a saying, "if you give someone money and you never see them again, then it was money well spent."

 

Yup. Unless there is proof that he agreed to pay the money back, you should consider it gone.

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I think kiss that money goodbye. Unless you have something in writing that these were LOANS and not GIFTS, I don't think you'll be able to get it back. There's not much you can do, just I hope you learned a lesson about loaning money to boyfriends (ie, don't.) Men should go to banks, not their gfs.

 

There is a saying, "if you give someone money and you never see them again, then it was money well spent."

 

If you have the writing annie referred to, you could take him to small claims court or threaten to.. the threat might be enough to get him moving. But if you don't I doubt you will see the money again. My friend was in the same situation with her ex-boyfriend and it took him a few years to even give her back a little bit, and that's after she badgered him.

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I'm sorry but unless you have this in writing, stating the payment plan and when the total is due, you don't have a leg to stand on. A good lesson to learn is to never loan anymore that what you can afford to lose, and better yet, neither a borrower nor a lender be.

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all I want is the money I gave him out of kindness.

Maybe it's just me, but as I understand it, if you give someone something "out of kindness" then they shouldn't have to pay you back or give back whatever was given to them "in kindness". Unless you made it absolutely clear from the very beginning that the money was a LOAN only and you expect it to be repaid then you don't have a leg to stand on (imo).

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You can always try small claims court, look up the rules online for your area. Whether or not you would win is a whole other issue, but if he even verbally agreed to pay the money back then it's worth a shot. Lesson learned though is that you loan someone a small sum of money once then don't loan more until they've paid back what they owed you the last time. Otherwise yeah, you end up getting used by mooches like this. If you gave him the money as a gift, different story and if there's nothing in writing such as emails etc. it will be your word against his. Maybe go through your FB posts, emails etc. to gather up anything that shows it was a loan and print that off as evidence, along with any responses, even negative ones from him about it. That's all evidence to put before a court and it might or might not help, but still it may be worth it.

 

Getting him to pay even if you get a judgment against him is a whole other thing, but at least you put something on record that could affect his credit rating badly and make him think twice about doing the same thing to someone else in the future.

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If it was stated as a loan, even verbally - it might be worth small claims.

 

But, as others have said, if you weren't super clear about him paying you back at the time you gave him the money - there was no legal agreement, even a verbal one, and it will be looked upon as a gift.

 

Bear in mind, the best small claims can do is issue a judgement - it still doesn't guarantee payment. So look up the costs to file in your locality, and decide if it's worth it to you, at least in principle, to go through the legwork.

 

If so, it doesn't hurt to try. Just bear in mind if it WAS verbal, and he says it was a gift - you may not get what you hope. And even if it's determined some was a loan, anything can result - the judge could decide only the amounts that went to bills were loaned, and the rest gifts. If you don't have details in writing, anything can happen.

 

Best of luck.

 

And anytime you loan money in the future? Make a paper trail - preferably a check or money order that clearly states "loan" in the notes as well as an agreement, and keep a copy of everything for your records.

 

I think most of us have learned this one the hard way. I know I did.

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You would be spending about $50 bucks going to small court and there is no guarantee you will get the money back- especially if you don't have any documentation. Then you would have spent $650. And if your boyfriend has no job, how is are you still going to get your money back even after taking him to court?

 

He lost his job AND his sister. You helped him out. And if he still cannot find employment because of the recession were all in...? You really want to go through court proceedings when this guy has suffered enough? I mean... Really?

 

Like others said... Unfortunately you may have to Chalk this one up as a hard lesson to learn. How long have you been dating this guy? $600 is a lot of money to give away to somebody who isn't seriously committed to you nor has a job.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Bear in mind, the best small claims can do is issue a judgement - it still doesn't guarantee payment. So look up the costs to file in your locality, and decide if it's worth it to you, at least in principle, to go through the legwork.

 

This is an important point. Even if you go to small claims court and win (which is possible because there is a good chance he won't even show up, so it's your word against his irresponsible choice not to show), that only gets you a judgment against him.

 

Once you have a judgment, the court gives him a certain number of days to pay. If he does not pay within that timeframe, you take him to collections on the judgment. There are a couple ways to get the money back via collections - if you have a bank account number and routing number, the court can seize a percentage of the assets in the account; if you know his social security number and place of employment, the court can seize a percentage of his paychecks; if you know his social security number, the court can seize a percentage of his tax return; if he owns assets (i.e., a car, a tv, etc.) a repo agency can take possession (note that they don't give you the items, but they sell them at auction, take their cut, and give you the rest of the money up to the value of your judgment). If you don't know some of this information (like the ss number or bank account numbers, for ex), the court will summon him to a discovery hearing, find out where his assets are, and then allow you to go after them.

 

A few important things to know about collections... they will only take a percentage from any account, paycheck, or tax return; they usually don't want to take the whole thing, but if it's something like paychecks, they will garnish the paychecks until the installment payments are done. If he closes the bank account, quits the job, etc., you're back to the drawing board with discovery. There's a chance you may not be able to collect at all. Once you have him in collections, you can report out to his credit report if he doesn't pay.

 

A few important things about small claims court... file your suit for the total amount you want to get (i.e., sue for EVERYTHING! Sue for what he owes you. Sue for the value of the time you have invested in trying to get this money back. Sue for emotional damages; if you're on antidepressants over it, sue for the cost of those. Sue for your court costs for the initial filing as well as future filings, if you anticipate having to take it through to collections. Sue for interest on the number of days since he was supposed to start paying). The worst a judge can do is throw out certain damages and say they don't apply. But if you never bring up these damages, the judge will definitely not award them; if you bring them up, there's a chance. If you fall into a jurisdiction that tends to award for these things, or if homeboy shows up in a hat and baggy pants with his underwear showing and the judge is not a fan, this could pull in your favor.

 

Also, don't just consider the monetary awards. This is a good opportunity to really destroy someone. Have him served with papers at his place of business. Make sure the garnishment is done from his paychecks. Make sure his employer knows he's a deadbeat. Or if he lives with his parents, serve him at their house. You can do service of process by mail, but if you're willing to pay more, you can have cops show up and serve him by hand A nice personal touch to your adventure with the law.

 

As others have suggested, it is for such a small amount (relative to the court costs you may pay) so it may be more trouble than it's worth. Really do the soul searching on whether this vindication is worth the effort and whether you have enough evidence (reread the facebook message trail and see if he even remotely acknowledges that he owes you this money). Evaluate based on the evidence whether you think you will prevail.

 

Good luck to you!

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