Slow Club Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 So, it's your typical best friends becomes more situation. Or at least, that's how it is from my perspective. I've already told her so she knows how I feel. But she's always maintained that she wasn't sure how she felt. She said she likes me but doesn't feel 100% sure and after some thought settled on a 'no'. I know at this point, I should just accept the answer but I still get the feeling she has some feelings for me but she's not the kind of person who would say that. She's not that open about her feelings. Anyway, our friendship is fine which we are both grateful for but I still have feelings for her. As far as I can see, I have two options: 1. Let things slide and just what happens. 2. Or just accept her answer and move on completely. Or I could just chase her but I don't want to do that because it could ruin our friendship. Anyway, just after your opinions because at the moment, I'm unable to forget about it and keep thinking about her and whether or not she has feelings for me. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Option 2. She said no. Respect that she is not interested in a relationship for her own reasons. If you pursue it that will only make things awkward. Link to comment
Amp33 Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Honestly if she already knows how you feel and hasn't brought up that she feels something for you then leave it be. I have a guy best friend, like literally best friend, he's closer to me than anyone in the world. Three years ago he admitted to me that he loves me. I told him I don't feel the same and that I may never will. He accepted that and said if he can't have me as a girlfriend then he will stay my best friend. And I thank god for that every day.. If you guys are as close as you make it seem then please don't take that from her. She probably cherishes you more than you know, and if she's ever ready to take it further she will most likely let you know.. I know I would be completely devastated if my friend decided he wanted to cut me out of his life because I didn't feel the same way about him. Friendship is a beautiful thing. Link to comment
Slow Club Posted January 7, 2014 Author Share Posted January 7, 2014 There's no way I'd ever cut her from my life. And I think feels the same way. Anyway. She's just very confusing. On our one and only date, we told each how we are each other's best friend and how we were both scared of ruining that if we went into a relationship. And she did say that she likes me but I dunno, she's very shy and not very open with her feelings to anyone. So I really couldn't work out how much she liked me and in what way. Our mutual friends thinks that she must like me in that way a little bit though otherwise she wouldn't have agreed to go on a date with me. Also, I don't think she has much experience in relationships and I think that makes her quite nervous about them. Basically, I know I have to forget about it for now and I will try to move on. But there's always a lingering thought in my head that she likes and will eventually take the plunge and tell me she wants to be with me. Which obviously isn't helpful for me and my head. There's nothing more I need to tell her because she knows that I like/liked her and I'm happy enough being her best friend. It's just quite difficult to not think about her all the time still. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 It's a bad mistake and will only hurt you to carry on this faux friendship, but it seems you're determined to learn that lesson the hard way. Link to comment
Slow Club Posted January 7, 2014 Author Share Posted January 7, 2014 Faux friendship? We've been close friends for quite a while. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Faux friendship? We've been close friends for quite a while. You mean you've been hoping to date her for quite some time. I think you're just a guy infatuated with a girl who you hope will change her mind one day. Friends don't have romantic feelings. You'll understand as time goes on and you see how you've neglected to put yourself out there 100% because you've been hoping for years your faux friend will change her mind about wanting to date you. Link to comment
Slow Club Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 lol, no. As I say, we are close friends. And now that she's decided against it, we just have to let the dust settle and go back to being good friends. Link to comment
Iggles Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 lol, no. As I say, we are close friends. And now that she's decided against it, we just have to let the dust settle and go back to being good friends. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube! You have romantic/sexual feelings for her. You can't go back to being "just friends" When she starts dating someone else you'll feel jealous. When you start dating someone, your girlfriend will pick up on the vibe between you and dislike your best friend. She may demand you end the friendship and leave you if you don't. Likewise, if your best friend has a boyfriend who doesn't like your "friendship" and gives her the same choice she is almost certain to pick her boyfriend over her guy friend. Link to comment
Amp33 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 lol, no. As I say, we are close friends. And now that she's decided against it, we just have to let the dust settle and go back to being good friends. It seems like nobody here has been in our situation. I completely understand where you're at. My best friend admitted his feelings for me, I turned him down and we let the dust settle. He knows that we'll never be together so he wants to help me find a guy that deserves me, and that will be good to me. He's my perfect wing man and I, his wing woman. Things really can go back to normal if you guys want it bad enough. I agree with you 110% Link to comment
Slow Club Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 It seems like nobody here has been in our situation. I completely understand where you're at. My best friend admitted his feelings for me, I turned him down and we let the dust settle. He knows that we'll never be together so he wants to help me find a guy that deserves me, and that will be good to me. He's my perfect wing man and I, his wing woman. Things really can go back to normal if you guys want it bad enough. I agree with you 110% Haha, yeah looks that way. Your situation is pretty explicit. It appears you were quite clear with him and that always helps both of you get over it. The problem I had is that she said she wasn't sure when I asked her if she wanted to be with me. Then after 2 weeks, decided she just wanted to be friends (via text). And I asked if that was the definitive but again, she wasn't sure. Then 2 weeks again, after a mutual friend tried to get a straight answer, she said 'no'. I'm more than happy to leave it be and let our friendship go back to normal which it almost has. I'm just lucky that we both value our friendship and on our date, we both agreed that we were both scared of ruining it. It's just that I was the one who was ready to take the risk. There's a really good Reddit on this very matter (some good and bad stories): link removed I think it's after times like this that you discover just how good friends you really are with someone. Link to comment
mau5 Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 It seems like nobody here has been in our situation. I completely understand where you're at. My best friend admitted his feelings for me, I turned him down and we let the dust settle. He knows that we'll never be together so he wants to help me find a guy that deserves me, and that will be good to me. He's my perfect wing man and I, his wing woman. Things really can go back to normal if you guys want it bad enough. I agree with you 110% Nobody here has been in our situation & things can go back to normal... sigh Sorry but you really & i mean really don't understand him. You are not the person who has feelings. The friendship might seem perfectly normal for you maybe since he doesn't act upon these feelings. Feelings don't have an on/off switch. How long has this been ago? Rest assured your best friend was/is in a pile of hurt for a long time. You just did not/don't realise it. The fact he wants to find you a good guy alone proves it. Don't get me wrong. No doubt in my mind your best friend wants the friendship back without the feelings but rest assured he's struggling with himself. Experience: myself but i'm sure others will agree Link to comment
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