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EX sends me this email - what do you think?


milkystars

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Me and my ex (together 2.5 years) have been broken up for 2 months, full contact for 1.5 months but these past 2 weeks have been totally NC on my half. Before I started NC, he told me there was no prospect of us getting back together and he didn't love me anymore, had feelings for another girl and never wanted to speak to me again. As much as I love him and want a reconciliation, I had a cry, and picked myself up. Been reflecting on myself, going out and having fun, retaken up some new hobbies and even started talking to a guy I had a thing with before my ex. Things seem to be looking up.

Half an hour ago, he emailed me the following:

 

'I only write this to give you the justice you deserve, despite whether or not it would even matter in your current life and agenda. Its a way of ‘giving you the letters’ which you gave to me. I feel I need to let you know, as you felt the needed to let me know what you had wrote on those letters and diary entries. As that's what I have been doing.

 

All I deserve at the most (if that) is for you to read it, delete it and remove it from memory...

 

I would just like to start off by apologising for all the heartbreak I put you through. No words, and a lot of actions could make up for the shear mental stress, pain and misery I put you through. For that I will live with regret and remorse.

 

In October, November, and half of December my head, as you know, was up my own arse, feeling sorry for all the events and stress and heartbreak our quite volatile relationship. It slipped me into a self destruct mentality affecting everybody around me and the closest, you. This, I felt was out of my control, I had a break down and didn't even think I loved my own mum or dad or you. I had no emotion, no clear thoughts, no empathy for anything or anyone not even myself.

 

After I ‘relieved’ myself of you I felt refreshed as it felt at the time the right decision after what has happened and I latched onto superficial, short lived enjoyments like drinking, drugs, the rest, and *. [girl he liked]

 

All at the time was good ideas, ‘bold’ ideas, and ‘right’ ideas. It wasn't until A week after I last saw you at your house that I had the epiphany of realising I need to sort the root cause of what is happening with my ever crumbling life. Me. So I decided to remove the one real attachment which was the only thing preventing me from starting fresh with you and that was *. [girl he liked] I wanted to see if I had genuine feelings for her by telling her to stop the communication with me and concentrate on her boyfriend. I thought id miss her, or want her more as that's what happens when you like/love someone and you let them go. However it has been nearly three weeks and I feel no loss or no measurement of missing her. Thus giving me the answer to my question: ‘ Did I actually have genuine feelings for her?’ No.

 

You maybe thinking why on earth have I told you this. But I don't know who you are right now, as changes happen fast. The last ’version’ of you I saw would have wanted no little, or no more but to know this. As you asked me to tell you on the 13th.

 

Just telling you that I will grieve as much as you did, now true feelings are actually clear to me. Moving on will be real, and actually moving on, not covering the surface with immaturity and . I will miss in advance the life we would have had like Nicholas Cage does/did in the film ‘The Family Man’.

 

The justice you deserve is knowing that you made somebody love you more than anyone he could love anyone else, and it didn't just vanish the way it seemed at the time. You were always right. I do regret every move I made in 2013, I will regret and write and think of you always and forever. You will never ever be forgotten and I am always here, that will never change ******. [my name]

 

This was just an important thing to do. If you could not forward this on, or talk about it as this is the explanation of the Mona Lisa to you 3-4 weeks ago. The truth.

 

Thank you for reading this, that all id ask for. And thank you.'

 

Obviously I love this man very much and I have been pining for a reconciliation since November. But I'm scared. I don't trust him. What should I do next to ensure the best possible outcome? Reply? Ignore it? I don't know!

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While it was nice, he doesn't ask to connect with you, see you, speak to you or mention anywhere that he wants to reconcile. In fact, it sounds like an ending....closure/whatever you want to call it. Sounds like he realizes he needs to be alone for awhile. Good for him and he should do that.

I would delete so as not to keep reading it.

If down the road when he's been alone he decides he's made a mistake, he will reach out to you again. IF you are still interested at that time, you can think about it then.

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This is not a reconcilation attempt. This is the obiturary of your relationship. He recognises his role in what went down, mourning the loss of the relationship and trying to offer you closure. I am really sorry for your loss. I would not respond to it and carry on trying to move on. If he ever decides he wants a reconciliation he will be back on his own without you having to say anything, however that is not what this letter is.

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This is a lovely letter in which he's trying to undo some of the damage he is probably well aware he did to your heart. However he does not ask for a reconciliation and he does not speak of it as anything beyond a relationship in the past. He's apologizing for hurting you, but that's all this is. An attempt to ease some of your hurt and probably some of his guilt. And that's not a bad thing, but it still isn't him asking for reconciliation or fresh start to the relationship.

 

If you want send him a brief email along the lines of saying "Thanks for the kind words, if you ever want to explore rekindling what we once had then drop me a line, but until that day I am moving on and I won't wait." Then delete the email and make good on that promise, moving forward and healing. If he wants a reconciliation he'll ask for one directly, but otherwise it's over. It's a bright new year and you have endless possibilities in front of you. This is closure for you, make peace with the past then work on your future.

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I agree with this.

 

It sounds like his epiphany, was, in short, realizing he threw a lot of good things away in a spurt of selfishness and immaturity - and is realizing he needs to, well, grow up and mourn/regret what he did properly and do you and the relationship you had justice.

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