Advice and opinions. Should I move forward or not on this relation ship

[mmaturen]

Hello guys and gals, a month and a half ago I meet a girl for a date, (we had previously wrote once to each other on a online dating site) we had lunch and a great chat, but she lived in another city far from were I am. I had a blast with her, but since we were far I did not tough we could have a relationship. However as days pased by and kept chatting on the phone and eventually skype I guess a relationship came trough, I'm talking 4 hour chats every day. And then the question came. Should I go visit her, (o by the way she's 26 living with her parents in 35 living alone) she said it may be weird if I go so in the of chance she said yes I told her to come here, and she said yes! Actually as days passed by we even got to her moving here with me... I was beyond myself with joy! And finally the day came 3 days ago everything went fine with the move and her mood has been great, sexually it's been great also, however she is kind of not prone at all to show any display of affection, we were walking on the park this morning and I asked if she felt like holding hands and she said it will make her uncomfortable. She did mention to me that past boyfriend have said to her that she is too dry and not affectionate enough, so consciously I was aware of it however actually living it has kind of I don't know being a bit of a bummer, due to the fact that I tend to be overly affectionate and caring. I'm at odds cause sometimes my ty self esteem tells me she is like that cause she's not that much onto my, however consciously I think she does like me and cares about me I guess we are at different stages of the relationship. She staying for one more week to se and try out "us" and then she's bringing all her stuff in should I just relax and go along at her pace of try and not get involved into this...

In case it matters to someone she is an Aries and I'm a Leo.

 

Thanks in advance.

[IAmFCA]

Holy moly this is cart before the horse.

 

Sometimes, we put togetherness, affection & attachment into a relationship before we we put trust. That is what is happening here.

 

Yes yes, I know there is a certain level of trust. It hasn't been tested. Trust happens in layers. Core trust has not been built yet. She is keeping herself emotionally safe, despite - or in counterbalance to - all the outward signs of commitment.

 

Why would either of you agree to blend your lives this quickly? I say, too much, too fast. Go more slowly, or you will have to withstand some real trials to prove yourselves to yourselves and each other, while living in close quarters.

[mmaturen]

It just sort of happened like that meant to move to my city and we'll it seemed right for her to stay here and don't get me wrong I love having her here and I'm sure she's having a great time I guess it's that I'm used to a more loving relationship and she is not

[IAmFCA]

It just sort of happened like that meant to move to my city and we'll it seemed right for her to stay here and don't get me wrong I love having her here and I'm sure she's having a great time I guess it's that I'm used to a more loving relationship and she is not

 

She is used to alot of things and all of them are absent from her new life.

 

Plus, she is being asked to demonstrate her affection for you in public, when she is just staying for a trial run, has only known you for 6 weeks, and she has no other means of social support. Give her some room to establish herself, get her own bearings, wander about on her own, envision what sort of life she would make outside of a life with you. You two will get suffocated unless she has room to be her full self. Same goes for you. She is suddenly the center of your world. What's that about? If you two make a life with nothing but the other in it, then your relationship will run out of food with which to sustain itself.

[mmaturen]

Thanks! I I'm kind of lost in a illusion of what this relationship may be and in not seeing to far ahead, thanks for putting it into perspective. I hope is not to late to try and bring it back on course

 

 

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[mmaturen]

Well I decided that it would be good to talk to her about how i felt, and she said this, she is basically no loving at all and has never being able to display affection, ans she feels there is nothing wrong with being like that so she is not going to change. She also said she is sorry I don’t feel satisfied on the relationship but that´s what I get, so she said I should make the choice weather to stay or keep on. She described her perfect relationship has having a great friend, that can have sex with her very day being monogamous but basically no affection and staying out of her way. So As I see it I have the choice to continue and basically go against what I have wanted in all my previous relationships, ( the down side of this is that knowing myself, for example once she is settled in here and starts going out at night, I’m going to be worried and pissed. And so on.) but I do feel I fell in love with her so quitting is like a big disappointment, plus she made plans for her life that includes staying here with me and I don’t know if she could fulfill those plans not having a place to stay in my city…. I’m thon I already said that I want to try, but jus this afternoon I stayed out of her way at home, we barely talked, and that did not made me feel good.

I guess I’m a wreck when it comes to feelings, some other guys will jump at the chance to have an arrangement like this she said. And I want to believe that I can… but I think if I get dragged into it it’s going to be difficult to get out, and I’m going to be badly hurt….

Thanks for all the support.

Hope you can shine a light…

M

[NorthDallas40]

She described her perfect relationship has having a great friend, that can have sex with her very day being monogamous but basically no affection and staying out of her way.

 

If a girl said this to me, I'd say bye-bye.

 

Not only because I enjoy being affectionate in a relationship, but also it sounds like she's totally unwilling to compromise... not a good sign.

 

 

she made plans for her life that includes staying here with me and I don’t know if she could fulfill those plans not having a place to stay in my city

 

Sounds like she wants a free room with free sex. Win-win for her, not so much for you.

[IAmFCA]

ND40 knows his stuff.

 

Good luck to you as you navigate the next week or two. Do not get stuck being her housing solution. She can change her plans. This was a trial run, remember?

 

Respect yourself and your vision, don't give it away.

 

However tough it may be now, it will only be harder if your wait.

[mmaturen]

Hello friends here is an update, we talked, and she exposed her point of view about it... And boy was I being a one sided drama queen... I must admit I was being selfish and self centered, and a I decided to give a another go, and try and let go of my fears and insecurities. So far it's been a great 2 days, she also made see I was being over protective and almost smothering her. I thank the both of you because if not for your advice I would have not talked to her and would just choose to try and hide my feelings witch eventually would lead to a bad meltdown

 

 

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[pl3asehelp]

Is she a cyborg? Robot of some kind? Abusive childhood with no father? I'd pass on this one.