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Advice for a newbie please - moving in


anniefeet

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Hi everyone! I'm Annie and I'm new here. So first off - hi! And secondly ... Was hoping someone may have a similar experience to what's bothering me at the moment and be able to offer some advice.

 

I'm 34 and my boyfriend is 37 and we've been together for 10 months. We're committed to spending the rest of our lives together and have decided to move in together in May. We currently live 25 miles apart and see each other at weekends and on Wednesday evenings. I own my house and live alone so we spend most of our time there. My boyfriend rents a house with a friend and plans to move in with me when his lease ends in May.

 

I'm worrying that my boyfriend hasn't really thought about the change it will mean for him when we live together. He has always lived in his hometown within walking distance of work, family and friends and moving to be with me will mean a 50 mile round commute every day to work. He says he's fine with trying it out but I'm worried about what will happen if he can't hack the daily commute (I used to do a 70 mile round trip in a previous job and hated it). In addition, I'm worried about whether he's really thought about how it will feel living in my house. We've agreed that if the living together goes well, we'll look to buy a house together next year, nearer to his hometown. At present he says he's comfortable being in my house at weekends but he always asks permission to get a drink or use the bathroom and I really want him to feel it's OUR house, not mine.

 

Our experiences of living with exes have been quite different - my boyfriend has lived with three girlfriends before but always in shared houses rented with housemates so living with just me, in my house, will be new. I lived with an ex who moved 45 miles for me then seemed to resent me for it and ended up moving out after six months so inevitably we broke up weeks later. This has made me incredibly reluctant to live with a boyfriend since and I've therefore lived alone since 2004 - and the fact that both my ex and my current boyfriend have/plan to move cities for me isn't lost on me and I'm scared of history repeating.

 

I had a serious chat with the boyfriend today and he said I'm worrying too much and if he finds things difficult once he's moved in, he will talk to me about it but would never move back out without me. I sort of feel reassured but also feel I'd like an outside perspective - what can we do to have the best shot at this working? All experiences and advice much appreciated. I love him to bits and I want to live with him but I'm so scared it will wreck our relationship!

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