How do I find out what he's thinking?

[kaleighmorgan]

Once upon a time I dated a guy for a couple of months during the summer. We went to the same college, and dated for a few weeks before he broke up with me via a phone call.

 

Fast forward to now. For the past 5 months we have been texting almost constantly, all day every day. We have been seeing each other about once a week. We meet at his house, go out or make dinner, hook up, and then I spend the night. In the morning we cuddle and hang out until I need to head home.

 

He is notorious for not communicating. Usually when I bring up a serious topic he just completely shuts down, so I was nervous to bring it up but yesterday I finally asked, "Why don't you want me to be your girlfriend?"

 

As anticipated he just said "I don't know."

 

Me: Well is it just me, or you don't want to have a girlfriend in general?

Him: I don't know.

Me: Well is there any chance we'll ever get back together?

Him: Well of course there is.

Me: I can't keep coming over here and putting myself through this if there's no chance of us ever getting back together.

Him: Did you not hear what I just said?

 

And then he shut down. Like, hardcore just layed down and wouldn't say anything for like a half hour.

 

Eventually things went back to normal and it was like I hadn't even said anything until much later that night when I texted him and said, "Just so you know I'm probably not going to stop trying to get you to be my boyfriend again." And he said, "Lol good to know."

 

Everyone I try to talk to about him just keeps telling me that he's not really into me but what they don't get is how affectionate he is. I just don't see someone who's only interested in sex showing me this much affection. We cuddle all night and he kisses me on the forehead and nose and lots of little things like that. And when I tell him I really like him he ALWAYS says, "I really like you too." It's just cute, you know? Would a guy really act like that if he didn't have feelings for someone?

 

The way he acts and talks around me when I'm there makes me think he really cares about me.

 

So I guess my question is just, do you think he really cares about me or is this just about sex? And also, how do i get him to tell me how he feels? I can't deal with the guessing games. Maybe he's just scared to commit to someone? How do I change that?

 

Please don't tell me I deserve someone who really openly cares about me. That's what everyone says, and I can't help the way I feel about him. It's not going to go away just because people tell me it needs to.

[byanilla]

Maybe he's just scared to commit to someone? How do I change that?

 

You're right. He's scared to commit from either not knowing what he wants, having past issues, etc. The reasons are many, but you know what you want. You want him. He doesn't know what he wants. He's wasting your time. You can't change him. He can only make that decision himself.

 

I think he cares about you, but he doesn't really know what he's doing. He's just going with the flow right now, and you're trying to be his girlfriend. Say, what is it that you like about him? His company? His presence?

 

You're attached to him because you're constantly seeing him. That's why you can't help the way you feel about him because you two have had so many intimate moments--physically and maybe emotionally. But, he's not ready to commit, and you can't change that. He doesn't know what he wants. And, what the heck? "Lol good to know." Wow. Uh, don't put up with this ambiguity and uncertainty when you know what you want: a meaningful relationship.

[kaleighmorgan]

Thanks for your advice but I'm really more interested in finding out how to get him to talk to me than hearing about how I should move on.... I already know it would be in my best interest to move on.