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I'm terrified he is going to break up with me


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We've been together since last march and I love him very much, but I've been getting this "bad feeling" every once and a while (which I had started to think was due to PMS since it's around that time that it usually happens) that something is wrong and he is going to break up with me. Every time I've been proved wrong so far seeing as we are still together and haven't had so much as a single fight, but this time I'm worried that this bad feeling might be right.


He rarely says I love you first, I almost always do and it worries me that he's just saying it back because I said it (he was the one that confessed it first in our relationship, although I've always been insecure about it because it was over text message while he was away last summer, but he did say it in person first when he got home too) Even with me saying it first it isn't said between us very often, maybe once a week. He doesn't text me near as often anymore, when we first got together it would be weird if my phone went two hours without getting a message from him, cute good morning texts and things like that, those have stopped since we got more serious and I hear from him maybe once or twice a day tops now. I'm away on vacation right now, and while he did make effort to spend almost all of last week with me before I left, I've barely heard a word from him since I got here. I had a very early flight on Friday and texted him a good bye note and that I would message him when I got here, plus an I love you, but he didn't respond to that at all when he woke up and got it. Then I had trouble getting a message to him until 9 pm that night, but he didn't make any effort at all that day to text or email me to see if I got here okay or anything.mover the weekend I have got only two messages from him, both just replies to what I have sent him.


I'm freaking out thinking he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me, I have had suspicions that maybe my birth control could be causing it since I am usually fairly rational and these bad feelings did start over the summer when I went on it, but it seems weird that hormones would cause me to be upset about just him. I had a bit of a breakdown a few weeks before Christmas where I flat out asked him if we were okay, which he said yes to, but I still have this feeling of doom in my stomach. I'm terrified that I'm going to get home next week to have a breakup waiting for me, but I don't want to bring up this feeling again when I so recently asked him if we were fine. I worry that maybe he just said that and was waiting for the holidays to be over to end things with me. When we are together in person he is fine, very affectionate and kind to me, there are a lot of comfortable silences where there doesn't seem much to talk about, but I am quiet by nature and those have always happened. The growing distance when we are apart is what is bothering me and making me worry.

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You are going to allow your fears to rule you to the point where they drive you out of this relationship. You need to get a grip. Nothing you've written indicates that there is anything amiss. What youv'e written is the natural order of progression in relationships. He doesn't contact you as often because he's more comfortable with his place in your life.


Relationships do not stay stuck in the wooing phase, unless that person is very immature, emotionally. Relationships continue on. They mature and develop as familiarity is gained. You've almost got a year in on this, so no, I can't see why he should be contacting you every single moment to talk about innocuous things. You should be confident in his estimation of you by now. If this was 4 months in, yeah, I could see your issues, not but 10 months in and he's done nothing to warrant your reaction.


Here's the thing: if he wants to break up with you, he's going to do it and there is nothing you can do to stop it. He has a right to determine whether or not he wants to be with you just like you have a right to determine whether or not you want to be with him. Free will--every adult has it. Nothing you've said indicates that he's wanting out. Everything you've said points to you needing to talk to your doctor about these side effects of the birth control and to find a pill that will not wreak havoc with your hormones and emotions.... because he's not going to stomach your insecurity indefinitely. He will work with you so long before it drives him from the relationship and you will bring about that which you fear the most.


You can be right and be alone or you can look into getting your meds adjusted so that they aren't causing you to do something that may end up driving him (and any other guy you get with) away.

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