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How do you get by everyday, when your heart is shattered? :(


zzbear

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Hi everyone,

 

I am sorry but this is going to be long, but thank you for taking your time to read it, and also English is my second language so please I apologize if my grammars are incorrect and also writing is not my favorite

 

I was with this guy for 3 years, we had an amazing time together and everything was perfect. I'm from California but I'm currently in Australia for college and I moved here since September 2013.

He knew from the start that I will be going to college here in Australia. When I was back home we made plans, that after college we will move in together.We made promises to each other that we will work our schedule out and spend time together over Skype every day, We used Viber too so we can text throughout the day. I have a sponsor here in Australia to pay for my college, and I'll be studying here for about 3 years.

I know it's hard to be away with someone you love. We knew that this is going to be hard for both of us, but as he promised we will work it out and never give up. He is in college as well so both of us will be busy. I came to Australia because I could not pay for everything back home, I don't have family anymore, but I have a lot of friends who loves me. I want to focus college and study full time, It will be a great opportunity for me since I have a sponsor. My ex-bf supported me, he told me to go and he will be there all throughout. Leaving him was the hardest decision that I made, He dropped me in the airport and we cried uncontrollably, it was really sad. I told him that I will be home every summer.

 

Since I got here in Australia things were great for the first month, until around mid-October he got really busy from school and work and he could not call me as much on Skype, we can only talk about 10-15 mins once a week, but we text a lot.He gave me his work and school schedule, so I know when he gets home, and when he is, I text him if he can call me on Skype, but he always say that "he has homework to do and he can't call me", which I understand. One time I caught him playing video games online, we used to play this game together and he is in my friends list. He said that "he's just taking a break from his homework" but every time he played it, it always lasted for an hour. Instead of calling me and spending time with me on Skype, he played his video games. I get really upset when he does that, when I told him how I feel he gets annoyed, he said he's really stressed out from school and he just needed some time to escape and play video games online.

 

I started missing home, I got depressed and I'm missing everyone, I'm here all alone in a different country, I became so needy. I wanted to talk to him, I want his comfort and his support and to inspire me more so I don't feel homesick and to keep on working with our goals. Every time I bring it up to him of what I felt, he gets really grumpy and annoyed at me and he said he doesn't want any negative at the moment because he is overwhelmed from school and work. I gave him his space and his time, I never bothered him if he said that he's busy, I always understands him. All I want from him is to encourage me, to support me and to make me feel loved at least

 

We argued a lot, until one day I told him that I'm hurt and I could not do it anymore, I don't want to beg for his time, and he can't be there for me, I felt betrayed and I felt that he just left me all alone. I decided to take a break, stop contacting each other for a week or two. but it didn't even last for a week, he said he misses me and he still wants me, so we started talking. Later on things changed, I felt like I'm always chasing him, he just text me just 4 times a day, and when I asked him about his day, he's only replying me in just few words, we never had any long conversation, but he text me all these sweet short messages like... "I miss you so much, wish you were here" or I love you with all my heart" ... I was so confused I did not know what was happening between us... It went on for a few weeks until one day he told me that he loves me so much and he doesn't want to lose me, our goals and our plans stays the same, but he can't be in a relationship with me, because he couldn't support me or be there for me, because he is too busy from his school and work, but he still wants to talk to me every day through text. I didn't understand him, I was confused. He still wants to be with me, but not this time. He needs to focus school and can't be in a relationship. It was confusing! I did not know what to feel... but he still text me every day and saying I love you to me... It was hard. I don't know if he was playing my emotions or if he really loves me but it’s just hard because he's overwhelmed. I was hurt but I respected it.

 

We were still communicating, we are not in a relationship, but we were still saying I love you to each other, and he did send me beautiful messages. It made me happy knowing that he still loves me. Weeks past until one day he told me that he met someone from work, he doesn't know if he likes this girl He said he is confused, he doesn't know what he wants, he said he loves me, but he wants someone near. It was painful to know, it broke my heart. He said they never went out, but I think he likes this girl. It is sad that all our plans ruined, it all shattered. Distance was hard, but I want to work it out. He gave up and just left me all alone. He said he will always love me and he hope one day we will be together again, he said He never want to lose me, but he needs to be alone now and figure out what he wants , until he is ready and we said our goodbye.

 

It's been almost a month, and I'm still heartbroken I still can't move on. I can't sleep at night, I got depressed. He was the closest family I got, I felt betrayed, I really don't know what to do, I'm stuck here and I'm new to this country, he was supposed to be my inspiration, how can I get through this every day? We got so many good memories, It was perfect. He emailed me on Christmas day and New year, and that was hard. I don't know if I should hang on, or just let him go, How do you get by? How long is this pain going to take? How can I move on? All our plans for both of us are now gone.

 

 

 

Thank you for your time and I hope my words are not confusing.

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I can understand him saying this. Playing a video game online doesn't require him to have to focus on a conversation, he doesn't have to assuage your fears and issues; no one is asking anything of him emotionally; he's not being asked to solve any emotional problems or make promises he may not be able to keep. It's mindless diversion.

 

 

 

 

As I said above: Playing a video game online doesn't require him to have to focus on a conversation, he doesn't have to assuage your fears and issues; no one is asking anything of him emotionally; he's not being asked to solve any emotional problems or make promises he may not be able to keep. Also, there may be someone at school with him that he's getting closer to and this is his way of putting emotional distance between you two.

 

 

 

Yep.. figured as much. Anytime anyone says to you "I'm confused", it means there is someone else in the picture who is vying for his attention with you and he's already considered opening up to them. Because if he was only into you, there would be nothing to be confused about. Even if he was busy, emotionally, he would still be on a single track. With someone else in the picture, he's on a double track. Also, she's there and you aren't. It's just a matter of logistics, hon. It takes a whole lot of discipline to be able to do LDR's and most people do not have the requisite discipline to do it.

 

 

 

You could put in for a transfer back to the states, but things would probably still not work out between you two because you'd have to wait until summer to do that and he will be 6 months into whatever it is he's into and most likely will not put that down just because you came back to town. I say stay where you are, complete your goals, dedicate yourself to the life track you're on and make your life and new friends where you are.

 

What is quite clear from what you've written is that he didn't want the obligation of being your only form of emotional support because his plate is full with school and living his life where he is. It's easier for him to deal with you as long as he's not your emotional buttress.

 

You will need to find emotional support in other areas, certainly not in a long distance relationship with a guy who is already preoccupied with his own schooling, a new girl and life.

 

You can do this.

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I agree that you do have to find emotional support, but I am a firm believer of finding that emotional support within yourself and not on other people. Heal yourself and take care of yourself before trying to depend on others or help others.

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