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Perimenopausal depression, or something else?


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It's the weekend - and I'm not in danger, so I'll be calling my doc on Monday, trust me.\

 

However, in the meantime...

 

I've dealt with depression before - triggered when I was dealing with my divorce and other issues. After most of the stressors were dealt with, I was able to wean off the meds, and though I can't say for certain I don't deal with very low level depression regularly - I haven't had a recurrence of the Quicksand of Doom and Gloom, as I dubbed it not so affectionately.

 

Recently, I've been under medical treatment for other things recently diagnosed - high blood pressure (lisinopril 20mg prescribed), Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (synthroid, 50mcg), hemorrhagic menses (progesterone 2 wks on 2 off), and vit D deficient (50,000 IU once per week.)

 

So I've got the proverbial chemical soup going, just for some background.

 

This will be my second cycle since starting the progesterone - last month went like a charm.

 

However, last night, night before menses due - I got hit, and I do mean hit, with a sudden, out of the blue wave of depression like nothing I'd experienced or heard of. I mean, it was insanely ridiculous. There was no real trigger. No warning. No "build." And it only lasted hours. I wasn't suicidal. That would have required movement being possible. It was literally like being beaten down into the ground and held there by a huge wave of wanting to be dead, not wanting to kill myself - if you can understand the distinction. I had plenty of sense to know I wasn't going THERE. And plenty of thought to have enough of my "self" slightly apart going "what in the heck IS this crap???" I fell asleep like that, and dreams were in vivid color and "texture." And today, things are close to normal, like nothing happened.

 

Has anyone experienced anything like this??? I won't deny, it alarmed me no end. I told hubby, because I felt I should, in case it happens again, and of course he's scared to death. I've been looking up stuff all day, and I can't find ANYTHING that seems to match this at all.

 

Anyone heard of or been through anything like this? I'm at a complete loss as to what could have happened.

 

I will be seeking a medical opinion, of course - but in the meantime, I have to figure someone has heard of something close to this that might make a bit of sense of it?

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Oh thank goodness I'm not going completely insane. How did you deal? Any wise words? I was almost a hysterical puddle - curled into the fetal position waiting for it to pass, like a kid waiting for sunrise so the boogeyman would go away!!! Never would be too soon to feel that again - it was as sudden as a panic attack - except sharp-edged intense depression.

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I have found the only way to deal with it is just absolutely force yourself to get up and do something. I have found along with perimenopause I have crippling tiredness. I am coming out of the overemotional phase though. But you actually do feel like an alien in your own body. It is like you look at yourself in the mirror and you don't even know who you are. And your emotions can change minute to minute and you can't control them. I started getting like that when I was about 43. Now I am 47 and I started coming out of that overemotional phase I guess about six months ago. But I would do a lot of exercise ,a nice walk really helps me feel better.

 

But yes ,you actually do feel like you're insane.

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Back to the gym with me tomorrow then.

 

Four years of this??? I bow to you. I feel like a wreck, and this is the first true experience of this degree of mood swing I've felt since my first harsh breakup... yikes!

 

So far - tiredness isn't bad. Moodiness - a bit, but I've always been a bit moody. Just last night was a "mood bullet to the skull." At least I know I'm not crazy. And I know I can survive this

 

I could also do without this "verge of tears" feeling - I'm not sad, but the pressure feeling when you're about to cry has been plaguing me all freaking day.

 

I take it I have many more Joys of Menopause to come. If there's more in store that you haven't mentioned, bring it on, I might as well prepare myself - my doctor and stuff on the web certainly didn't give a clue on the degree of this crap!

 

I think, next to childbirth - this is when I'd love, just for a while, to throw a man in my body and dare him to call me the weaker sex...

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Well if you want me to say more...lol...., there is the hair falling out,I swear my hair is all OVER my pillow cases in the morning, in my brush, all over the floor, on my clothes. It is like I'm a victim of arsenic poisoning. The skin that gets drier and thinner, the libido that plummets into the basement... Do I need to say more? Lol

But yeah the crying jags...OMG. My son sometimes thinks I need to be committed.

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I think I already did the hair thinning. Last 4 years or so, the volume dropped significantly, and yes, it was everywhere but in my scalp. That's slowed, thankfully. And small mercies - I had plenty of hair, if it had started thin, I think I'd be bald. I thought that was just from getting older LMAO.

 

I think my libido got lost somewhere in San Antonio, or maybe it was Seattle... I can sure relate there. I'm hoping it finds it's way home someday.

 

So I take it this is the start of mood swing central and crying jag journal. I just had to do it all in the reverse order. Hey, a reason to cry apparently, since I had a tear roll for NO REASON! ARGH.

 

Stick with me - I may need a kick in the butt every so often to remind me this too, shall pass.

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I think I already did the hair thinning. Last 4 years or so, the volume dropped significantly, and yes, it was everywhere but in my scalp. That's slowed, thankfully. And small mercies - I had plenty of hair, if it had started thin, I think I'd be bald. I thought that was just from getting older LMAO.

 

I think my libido got lost somewhere in San Antonio, or maybe it was Seattle... I can sure relate there. I'm hoping it finds it's way home someday.

 

So I take it this is the start of mood swing central and crying jag journal. I just had to do it all in the reverse order. Hey, a reason to cry apparently, since I had a tear roll for NO REASON! ARGH.

 

Stick with me - I may need a kick in the butt every so often to remind me this too, shall pass.

Haha yeah I had an abundance of hair too thank goodness! I think I made a thread some years ago about my hair being anywhere but on my head.

 

Oh yeah it will pass. My mom is totally sane now....lol I have hope one day I will be too.

 

But us peri women have to stick together in looneyville until we escape.

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Oh lawds yes! When I hit perimenopause I went into a demon depression that came out of nowhere and whacked me upside the head. And yeah, I've wrestled with the black dog before so I knew what it was, just couldn't understand why. Finally found a doc who basically stated it was hormones gone wild and no one wants to see that video, seriously. You may want to have your doctor check the progesterone levels for a start just to make sure something isn't too high or too low. Also for any other medical issues that might be exacerbating things. That's what mine turned out to be anyways. I had to go the alternative health route and take supplements plus work on my diet and exercise since I can't take hormones for health reasons, family has a seriously high incidence of strokes at an early age so no doctor wants to even try it. It did all level out after a few months, but it wasn't fun. I remember the first year being the worst on and off, it wasn't a constant always bad thankfully. After that things sort of began to settle back to normal or new normal anyways given all the changes the body goes through.

 

I also had the hemorrhaging periods and hair thinning, let's just say dry shampoo was my new best friend for awhile to boost the volume until the hormones settled down.

 

You aren't alone. Keep working with your doctor(s), stay as healthy as you can, reach for whatever will boost your mood naturally and realize there is a light at the end of the tunnel since this perimenopause/menopause crap does pass. I'm sorry you're going through it, but you're a woman and we are built to take things that would send most men screaming into the desert. No offense to men, most of the guys I know agree with me on things like menopause and childbirth.

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It's like a second go round of being a teenager... the hormones are VERY unstable in menopause in the same way they are with teenagers where there can be monster surges then perilous drops that affect your moods.

 

Just remind yourself it is a temporary hormonal change... and if you feel bad, just pamper yourself... go get in bed and watch a DVD, or do something to keep busy. Because it can and will pass. So try not to take it seriously and find some routine that you enjoy to counteract it... Crawl into bed with some popcorn and watch a DVD or two! Just take your mind off it and don't take it seriously or that makes for more drama and feeling worse. Just have an 'oh, another hormone drop' and then get on with doing whatever makes you feel better, whether that is crawling into bed for a bit or doing something else that makes you feel better (taking a bath, reading a book, etc.).

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Well since my mood swings were legendary and second only to my daughter's, which were positively EPIC. I might be in for quite a ride.

 

I actually feel quite a bit better knowing it's not some exotic form of depression, and having experienced that instant surge once, it shouldn't be quite as much of a shock if/when it happens again.

 

Now, why can't my teenage libido come back with the rest of the teen angst BS?

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