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Please help me


Nicole87

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I've been with my partner for just over 2 years now. About 6 months ago I had a funny feeling something was up with him so I found his email password and found that he had been posting/emailing on dating sites.

The emails were so disturbing as there was pictures and detailed emails from other men.

When I confronted him about it he told me that it was all to do with his vivid fantasies of having someone with a "bigger penis" than him having sex with me and him watch I'm not up with all the sex talk these days but he says his interest is cuckold. He promised me that he would never get on that page again but 2 months later while we were away on a romantic weekend he was "depressed" and wanted to be alone, I saw him on the balcony back on that page with his hand down his pants looking penises.

 

I need some advice from outside people who don't know us

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I recently found out a casual acquaintance came out a few years back, after his father passed away. He was in his mid-30's when he did this. A friend I had in college married a guy who turned out to be gay. He was caught in a washroom by an undercover policeman, went to court the whole thing. He swore up and down it was a mistake, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did eventually leave her for another man.

 

I think that your BF is either gay or at least bisexual and is having difficulty dealing with it. He probably loves you, but is struggling with the fact that he's got sexual feelings for men (perhaps he no longer has sexual feelings for you any more) and doesn't want to hurt you. IMO, a straight man wouldn't post dating ads for men or spend so much time staring at penises, let alone with a hand down the pants. And if he really did have a fantasy of you having sex with some other guy, wouldn't he discuss that with you, get your consent and allow you to choose the guy?

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The posts he put up we're detailing himself but was replying to a lot of mens ads. He was telling me that when he got replys it was picturing himself as me being satisfied. He thinks he's not well equipped for me and thinks I want a guy with a big penis (he is not small whatsoever) and that he wants to see my reaction if it was to happen. We have talked about it, I don't want to do it but it's one of his biggest fantasies to see it. He has told me that I would have the last say in decision making if it was to happen.

 

He tells me time after time how much he loves me and that he wants nothing more to give me the world (that's why we moved to a town where the money for work is good) and that I'm his perfect girl and how much he can't wait to start a family and all that but I just can't shake what's going on.

I did ask him if he had any interest in men and I wanted him to be 100% honest with me and he told me it is one of his biggest fears of ever having anything done or doing anything to another male but I still don't understand

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OK, so these ads are they "guy looking to nail your girlfriend while you watch" type ads? I suggest you read a few of them and see what exactly it is that he's looking at (not the photos).

 

Because, your guy either has an inferiority complex when it comes to his penis (but I can't see how looking at photos of other guys' penises would help with that) or he's bisexual or gay or at least curious. The guy who married my friend, he told her when they split that he knew he had had these feelings since he was a kid but he thought if he married her, he would lose the desire for men. The other guy I mentioned above, he married his high school sweetheart whom he pursued and begged her to marry him for years. All I'm saying is that the "I can't wait to marry you and have kids" thing might not just be because he really wants that, but he also wants to be "normal" and look as "normal" as possible to the rest of the world. You BF's biggest fear about doing something with another man might be his fear because he would like it, or it would prove he's not "normal". This not being "normal" is especially worrying to someone who comes from a deeply religious family, or who has homophobic parents. Just something to consider.

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