Jump to content

When does it get better?


ladybug2

Recommended Posts

I'm working through all the emotions of getting out of an emotionally abusive 4.5 year relationship and having a very hard time. It has been 7 months since it ended, but recent contact has opened all my wounds and made me admit to myself, to my friends and to my family that the relationship was emotionally abusive. I had not previously used that term until this past week. I've been working on myself and working to heal not only from the breakup but also trying to rebuild my life and my shattered self esteem, and yes, I am in therapy (but have not talked about the emotional abuse other than to say we fought a lot and he was often mean. I plan to admit it to my therapist at my next session and tell her everything). My question is, when does it get better? I feel like a shell of the person I used to be and I'm really afraid that I will never fully recover from this experience. I was completely and totally in love with this man and he ruined our love. He took and took and took from me and now I feel empty. I am not sure I will ever be able to let someone in again and trust again. I am not thinking about dating anyone again for a long time. I know I need to love myself first, which I do not right now. But at some point I would like to believe that I will be able to love again. I just need some encouragement that it will be possible. I'm angry at myself for allowing the abuse to happen and to go on for so long, but I'm angrier at my ex-boyfriend for taking my trust and love and destroying me as a person. I am a mess right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When? It depends. How much effort you put into finding yourself takes a lot of self-reflection, and the more time you spend and cater to yourself, the more meaning you will find within yourself. You will definitely love yourself again; I see an earnest desire to better yourself, and that is the most important motivational factor that will catapult you into recovery. I assure you that confidence will return to you as it has for many men and women who have journeyed down the road of broken hearts and atrocious relationships. You will find yourself again. Do not worry.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you, byanilla. I just never thought I would allow myself to be in an abusive relationship for a minute let alone for almost 5 years. I'm just not sure how I got here. The person I was before I met him and the person I am now are barely the same person. I don't recognize myself. It's really sad one person can inflict so much damage in another's life. I will never allow anyone to mistreat me again. That I know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't worry, it'll come back. You're right to work on your own self esteem, and on building a life for yourself without him in it, before you even contemplate dating again. If you have self-love, you are better equipped not only to make wiser choices but will find it easier to walk away from an abusive relationship at the first signs that all is not as you had hoped.

 

It varies from person to person obviously, but it's taken me two years.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...