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I keep meeting messed up women


Mr_LFA

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Oct last year met this one:

looked promising at the start then everything fell to bits rather quickly, became totally unavailable, "extremely busy" all the time - likely still not over/in love with the ex. *sigh*

 

I'll try and keep this brief...

 

So I meet this new girl (online by chance) just before christmas, same age, very cute, funny, told me straight off she has a kid (so what, I don't discriminate), talk every night sometimes for hours and after a while I suggest we should meet for a drink. She doesn't say yes or no just "maybe" and goes to say she's been through "a lot" and when I ask about her past she tells me it's a long story (actually many) so I left it at that. She tells me she doesn't trust men but she still accepts that not men are all the same and I told her that she's just been meeting the wrong ones. She tells me goes to these nights sometimes at this club and I should come next time but wasn't sure when the next one was, I agreed and thought maybe shes warming a bit to me now. A couple days later we were chatting and again suggested we meet for a coffee as I was going to be in her area and she has a long lunch break at work. Response was she was basically too busy and "I don't like to socialise much", "I like to stay at home a lot" and that "this is gonna get hard" I said ok and knew it was just an excuse. A couple of days later she told me she was going out to the club on NYE and suggested that I meet her there so I agreed as I didn't really have solid plans anyway. So I meet her there, introduces me to her friends etc but the whole night seemed pretty aloof but that was Ok as I was still having fun and talking and dancing with her friends as well anyway.

 

So I thought this might be still manageable then the other day we were chatting, she begins to break down tells me her friends husband is in love with her and that her friend of 6 years told her that he wants to be with her and she said she just laughed in his face. I almost feel like a therapist where she's telling me all this stuff that's going on inside her head. Then it gets better, the other night she asked me for a 'favour' and I agreed the she tells me a few months ago she had a casual relationship with a guy who has a gf and that she fell for him but doesn't see him anymore but she still talks to him. She wanted to know how to get over him because she says she's been in a lot of pain trying to get over him and it hurts that he has a bf and feels lonely sometimes and so now I can understand her behaviour towards me thus far. I honestly tried to help her with advice because I feel sorry for her but at the same time I'm just disappointed because I seem to meet all the broken women which has pretty much destroyed my desire date at all now.

 

Just wanted to share but any comments would be welcome.

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Well, yah, this does sound like its going nowhere. More like you are just a 'friend'.

I suggest you look no further with expectations on this/her, because she sounds lost & confused about a few men, already.

 

She doesn't sound too 'stable' at this time & may need to work on a few things, so this could very well be a red flag for you.

 

Think it's best to stray away from her now?

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Do you want to be her friend, or do you want to date her? I mean, the fact that you don't want to help her in the first place indicates your lack of interest in her as a person because if you really cared for someone, you'd stick with them through the trials and tribulations. I know that sounds so cliché, but it's because if you really loved her values, personality, etc., you'd want her to be happy.

 

Plus, did you say that you met her at a club? You also met a girl online. Not sure if those are the best places to be stable women...just saying.

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Well, yah, this does sound like its going nowhere. More like you are just a 'friend'.

I suggest you look no further with expectations on this/her, because she sounds lost & confused about a few men, already.

 

She doesn't sound too 'stable' at this time & may need to work on a few things, so this could very well be a red flag for you.

 

Think it's best to stray away from her now?

Yeah you are right. She seems more happy in just talking than to go on any 'dates'.

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Whoa whoa whoa.

 

Re read for yourself the beginning of your post. Imagine you are somebody else.

 

Would you tell that guy to forge on ahead ?! She straight out told you she doesn't trust men. Not a good sign!

 

I think she gave you a lot of signs this was not going to go anywhere. And anywhere it did go, you'd have to fight for every scrap.

 

Maybe it would help to re evaluate how you approach who is worth your time to date. I'm not saying "she isn't a worth while person". I mean, signs people give that they are not available FOR YOU to form a relationship with taht is mutual and satisfying.

 

Sportster made a good post recently about dating resolutions for 2014. Check it out! Lots of good ideas there.

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Do you want to be her friend, or do you want to date her? I mean, the fact that you don't want to help her in the first place indicates your lack of interest in her as a person because if you really cared for someone, you'd stick with them through the trials and tribulations. I know that sounds so cliché, but it's because if you really loved her values, personality, etc., you'd want her to be happy.

 

Plus, did you say that you met her at a club? You also met a girl online. Not sure if those are the best places to be stable women...just saying.

Don't get me wrong I do want to help her and for her to be happy. I just think she's met the wrong men and obviously I'm not married or have a gf so they are definitely not the 'right' men for her. Honestly, all I want is a chance to date her and so I can get to know her properly face-to-face and I wont settle for the friendzone because I think there is attraction there. For the record I didn't 'meet' her at a club or on a dating site.

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Don't get me wrong I do want to help her and for her to be happy. I just think she's met the wrong men and obviously I'm not married or have a gf so they are definitely not the 'right' men for her. Honestly, all I want is a chance to date her and so I can get to know her properly face-to-face and I wont settle for the friendzone because I think there is attraction there. For the record I didn't 'meet' her at a club or on a dating site.

 

Okay, thanks for the clarification on where you met her. But, regardless, I'm not sure what it is that you are looking for in a partner and a relationship right now. It seems like right now, you're turned off by her problems, which indicates that you want someone stable. You also want her to be happy. So, if you want to date her and get to know her better, you should actually try to get to know her first. Look beyond her problems and analyze her as a person and decide whether or not you want to date her as her--as a person--with or without her problems.

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thanks itsallgrand

 

byanilla - I'll agree yes her problems are a bit of a turnoff but initially, she didn't tell me all her problems, so I did begin to see what she is like as a person. This is what initially attracted me, we have similar personalities, views on things, she gets my sense of humour and I get hers and we can talk then wonder where all those hours went. I know I want to date her as a person but it's just that all her problems are getting in the way at the moment.

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thanks itsallgrand

 

byanilla - I'll agree yes her problems are a bit of a turnoff but initially, she didn't tell me all her problems, so I did begin to see what she is like as a person. This is what initially attracted me, we have similar personalities, views on things, she gets my sense of humour and I get hers and we can talk then wonder where all those hours went. I know I want to date her as a person but it's just that all her problems are getting in the way at the moment.

 

Hm...I would definitely still stay by her side then. You won't get friendzoned in my opinion, but if you do, it's because she wants to take things slowly and see if you're the right man for her. Due to the scars from her past, she'd want to proceed with caution. So, she'd probably want you to be her friend first before agreeing to date you. She seems to want love and compassion from her partner because currently, she is lonely, and her recent problems are getting in the way of her developing and recovering as a person. In order for you to see more of her person, she has to recover and pull away from her problems. Hence, it will take more time, but if you are patient enough and care about her enough to stay by her side despite her problems, she will probably fall in love with you. This isn't a guaranteed ending, but the comfort and company that you will provide her--if you decide to stay by her side--will be highly appreciated. If she doesn't appreciate it, well, she was never a good woman for you in the first place.

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thanks itsallgrand

 

byanilla - I'll agree yes her problems are a bit of a turnoff but initially, she didn't tell me all her problems, so I did begin to see what she is like as a person. This is what initially attracted me, we have similar personalities, views on things, she gets my sense of humour and I get hers and we can talk then wonder where all those hours went. I know I want to date her as a person but it's just that all her problems are getting in the way at the moment.

 

Forgive me if this sounds harsh but it is clear to me that you don't really know how to date. You are too focused on how she makes you feel and not enough on her readiness to date.

 

From the minute she said she doesn't trust men you should have bounced. Instead you let her dance around meeting you .... which was another sign for you to move on. Strike three was when she was aloof in person.

 

I cannot fathom why you blame these girls when this one at least telecast her lack of interest. Don't mistake female friendship for anything more if it is not there.

 

Sent from my MB612 using Tapatalk 2

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