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Feeling so lonely tonight, because i miss her


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well tonight is one of those nights where i have nothing to do, and feel incredibly lonely, and because of that loneliness, i really my ex right now...yeah i know i've been upset by her after her changing her mind a few weeks ago about trying a new approach at trying the relationship again after she texted me missing me and everything, but i can't help but just really miss her right now on a night like this, and it sucks...but it's not like i want the company of just anyone right now, i want her company...

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Sigh. I can only say I am in your shoes. It is hard. I even notice how I stay awake late into the night...like I often did with her on saturdays going out, just being together or whatever. This new reality without her is far from becoming real to me. Ugh, so many nasty thoughts and fears of what she is up to right now.

 

This is one hard prosess I hope to never let myself go through again.

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when since we last talked after she changed her mind about wanting to take a new approach/slow new start its been only 2 weeks since we last talked...she told me she thought it was best we don't go through with trying again (this is our 4th break up and have been apart this time since April) because she talked to her mom about our plan and her mom thought we'd just be making it worse for ourselves in the long run and i guess she agreed, told me good luck with everything and kinda just left it at that...before she texted me that week unexpectedly telling me she missed me and everything we were NC for about a month and before that we were talking off and on since July but it was me doing the initiating all the time, and we even met up once in August and it was nice (shes the one who asked to meet up)....

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It's easy to get addicted to someone's presence, no different than any other kind of addiction. Your brain literally gets off on it, and aside from the emotional aspects this is part of what makes it so tough when you're starting with NC. Just take your time and do what you can to keep yourself mentally engaged. Hang out with friends, get a hobby, something constructive. It does wonders, really.

 

I also found from time to time that it helped to accept being sad for a moment, maybe listen to a sad song or some other sappy thing and then as soon as the alloted time was up force myself to be happy. Not meant to be an every day thing, but once in a while to help wean yourself off of needing to feel sad.

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... and thats the thing... its difficult because you may not necessarily miss HER, but having SOMEONE there to share, spend time with, adventure with, etc. My ex and I were very wrong for eachother, but I DO miss the times we shared and purely the convenience of being able to plan fun things out with her.

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