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Found Out He is in Love With a Sex Cam Girl One Week Before Xmas


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He is almost 46. She is 19. I have been here before, and apparently didn't learn my lesson about how blind love can be. 10 years as best friends, plus 5 years dating. Everyone thought he was wonderful. He has never been married, no kids. He lives in his mothers basement because he had moved in to my house but I asked him to leave in August due to lack of affection. I knew something was up because he was very protective of his cell phone, and had put a privacy screen on it.

There were red flags a long the way that I ignored because I loved this person, and wanted to make it work.

I was trying harder than ever the last few months of the year. I cooked/baked, made new recipes, made sure I looked my best, and rubbed his aches away. He got sex whenever he wanted it.

 

He slowly became less attentive, and affectionate in 2013. I started to lose my self esteem. I found a picture he took of his cell phone on my bed, one week before Christmas.

On his phone is a picture of an instant message with a girl. He is asking for her address. He took a picture of it three times with MY cell phone so he could have the address to send her gifts. He did this on my bed, in my house. I didn't recognize the screen name he was using so I Googled it. Wow that was a shock. He had left tons of comments to these girls after having private one on one sessions with them. All young girls. But there was one he focused on. She's 19. He said "I heart you" more than once to her.

The reason I checked is because he said he had no money but I know he got a settlement, plus he made $4000.00 per month. I believe he spent at least $15,000 on this even though he knew I could have used some help. I own my own house, and pay everything myself.

I have since learned a lot by researching sex cam girls. I never knew anything about it. How they mindf*ck the guy and make him think he's great and sexy....make him wait to finish and lie to keep him paying $5.00 to $10.00 per MINUTE.

 

At first he denied it, but I had proof. Then he admitted it, said he was addicted, and that I was right, he would probably never change. He apologized 4 days later. I told him what I thought of him, and that I would not cover for this sick behavior. I told him to have a nice life paying for a girlfriend he will never be able to touch.

 

My world is upside down. I have a hard time eating and sleeping. I have blocked him in every way possible. He is trying to contact me anyway just to threaten me not to tell anyone. My blocker app on my phone tells me it's him. I do not respond. I know about no contact from this site. He is threatening a "slander" suit against me. I now believe he views teenage girls as sex objects, even though it was consensual. He rarely talked to my friends my age, but piped up and was very friendly one time when we were around two young girls.

 

The worst part is her age.

 

My question to you is this: He has several nieces around this age. Should I move on with my life and let it go, or tell someone in his family what happened, and then move on? They probably wont listen to me. They've never tried to add me on Facebook. As a mother, I'm having a really hard time keeping this quiet, and I told him if anyone asks why we broke up, I will tell them. I have proof of everything I'm saying including his texts of admission.

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Tough situation. I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't really offer sound advice for this because I've never been a situation such as this, however, I will say this; You have to do what you feel is right. Whatever you do, don't try to defend him or cover for him.

 

If you honestly feel like you should warn his family of his behavior because of what he seems capable of, then do so. You have the evidence. If you do decide to inform them, it doesn't matter if they really listen to you or not. You can at least walk away with a clean conscience knowing that you tried to do the right thing. That's what should matter the most, your comfort. Not whether his family would listen or not.

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I did a similar thing to your partner, and I got a similar reaction from my then girlfriend.

 

I was ashamed, insecure, confused, frustrated, unable to express myself, lost, angry, passive aggressive, weak and unable to function without my addiction. I needed help.

 

I'm not excusing him; but there is a much deeper problem of which this is a just a symptom.

 

And I am sure he is not in 'love'. Any addiction is purely about attempting to numb pain.

 

None of which is your problem and I'm sure you are in a lot of pain. I hope you find the strength to do what's right for you- and don't try to fix or control him. You do what you need to do.

 

Love

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I would choose to move on and avoid contacting his family at all costs. Blood is thicker than water, and more than likely you'll be viewed as the enemy. Also, I would let go of the urge for revenge, simply because when you give these type of people enough rope, they'll hang themselves.

 

Take care of yourself...

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Happytown- thank you for the guts to write what you wrote. I'm sure that wasn't easy. Obviously I'd like to hear more from you about why this occurs and did you get treatment, where do you go, does it work? Would public shame help? I'm so worried he's going to end up in prison some day for doing something stupid, and I'm worried for any young girl he comes in contact with. He has always been the quiet type. I now know I wasn't imagining the roller coaster ride. One day he'd seem fine, the next he seemed disconnected. He'd bring the phone in the bathroom, and stay outside in the garage for hours with it. I have gone to the sites he went to, I have seen the girls, I have read the FAQ's. I can't believe he'd fall for this. I could never compete with a 19 year old body, but it's the emotional connection he formed that I'm more upset about. It was as if he was indeed in love with someone else, and I became just the old hag...and I'm actually thin, tall, and pretty good looking. I had to start begging for hugs, kisses, cuddling....I even wrote it down-what my needs were, and asked him what his were. He's actually very cheap in real life...wont even buy clothes, or boots. I bought them for him. I thought he was just saving money. Boy was I wrong. I know I can't fix him. He became someone I didn't know. Feel free to private message me.

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I'm not ashamed- I'm happy to talk about it. I found help in 12 step groups like SLAA.

 

I'm not sure if pubic shaming would work- I have no idea what kind of person he is. My partner just left me and met someone else and that made me get help. It is very painful and humiliating. But no one who tried to 'help' was able to change anything. I changed when everyone abandoned me.

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happytown-I have never heard of that. Thank you. I just sent the link to his best friend who is aware of what's going on. This man was always flirting behind my back on Facebook. He eventually gave me his password. The only time we had no problems is when he gave up Facebook for 2 years. His bad behavior has always been online for 15 years. He is too shy to approach women in person. I knew and saw this when we were just friends for many years. He spent all his free time with me. Do you think he would cross that line between fantasy/reality with teenage girls if given the chance?

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I agree with this. Why get involved in any more drama with this guy? Involving his family will just make him mad. He may be into young girls, but that doesn't mean he's a danger to young women in his family.

 

I'm a model and I've worked on those sites before. Models think of those guys as suckers. No way would she reciprocate his feelings..he has a hard lesson to learn, but good for you for getting away from him so he won't have you to turn to, when stuff hits the fan.

 

 

I would choose to move on and avoid contacting his family at all costs. Blood is thicker than water, and more than likely you'll be viewed as the enemy. Also, I would let go of the urge for revenge, simply because when you give these type of people enough rope, they'll hang themselves.

 

Take care of yourself...

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I'm sorry I can't answer that. No two people have the same stories in my experience. The problem with a lot of the books on this subject is that they paint a picture of escalation. So my partner at the time was constantly going crazy at me worried that I was going to see prostitutes etc which never even crossed my mind.

 

I have no idea. And the key thing I want to reiterate that any recovery journey would be his alone. Not that your relationship would necessarily end, but my partner was codependent and endlessly trying to repair me and it was not healthy

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That is a question I would ask a therapist about, honestly. Because it's a really good question. I'd personally probably look into finding someone through a therapist (if it were me in that situation, I'd probably feel like I'd need that kind of support and help to untangle all the feelings associated with the experience).

 

There are people who specialize in these type of issues, and they would probably be able to help guide you in the decision making process of to pursue it or no, and what would surround all of that.

 

It's gut wrenching even to read that you have and are going through this. I'm very sorry you have; but it took a lot of courage and guts to leave now. You did the right thing! I hope you can take some comfort in that.

 

best wishes.

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His best friend sent me a message on Facebook saying he would not give him the link for the 12 step program, because he himself has been sexting with a 50 yr old lady behind his wife's back, and he doesn't want to be a hypocrite. My ex knows about it, and I guess he's afraid my ex will tell his wife. I have tried to add my ex's mother and sister as friends on Facebook, but they have not accepted yet. I don't think they've been online.

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Hi again.

 

I did not realise it was your ex. Sorry I must have misread it.

 

I think you should walk away and live your life. This is none of your business, not your problem, and really more about you than him. That's not easy, and I guess it will take time. But your mind is finding reasons to stay involved and I think it would be healthier to break contact. I don't think anyone is in any danger: you don't need to warn people about anyone. You are not any kind of moral police officer and nobody has broken any laws.

 

It must all hurt a lot. But better to see that you are worth more than this drama.

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I did not realise it was your ex. Sorry I must have misread it.

 

I think you should walk away and live your life. This is none of your business, not your problem, and really more about you than him. That's not easy, and I guess it will take time. But your mind is finding reasons to stay involved and I think it would be healthier to break contact. I don't think anyone is in any danger: you don't need to warn people about anyone. You are not any kind of moral police officer and nobody has broken any laws.

 

Exactly. Don't try to add his family to your facebook either. That's just more drama.

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Ok, I cancelled my requests to friend them, but I really think they should have the facts, and come to their own conclusion. This eats away at me everyday. Last year my daughter said that he had molested her, once, when she was little, but then a month later she said it wasn't true. I have no idea if it's true, or not. I've always felt blessed and lucky to have a great child, and now she is a disaster doing crazy things out of character. The doctors say now she is bi-polar. She was in a psych ward 3 times in 2013, never before. My world has crumbled. I don't know her, or him anymore. The tow people I loved the most are gone. I have no proof that he did anything. I never left them alone, but if he's capable of carrying on an affair with a 19 year old for 7 months, what else is he capable of? I know now he was doing the sex cam thing when I was home. What if he did do something to my daughter too, and I don't warn his family?

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