new relationship in 3 months we only had sex ONCE

[ippn1]

Im dating this girl for little less then 3 months now. We are both 26. We are now officially bf/gf and we get along pretty good. But here is the thing that bothers me. We have had sex only once. It was around 6 weeks and around 10 dates.

 

 

I invited her at my place for the movie night. Of course I chose boring movie so I made my move after we both agree we should watch different movie. We had sex for around an hour. Sex was not great. It was not even good. During sex she told me she hasn’t had sex for 1.5 years and she hasn’t had boyfriend for 3 years. I said I also haven’t had sex for over a year (I have had health problems – ankle injuries and operations). Because of that I wasnt able to perform as well as id like to (only missionary position and her on top). I came she didn’t… I went down on her, fingering her – she was saying that was good, it feels good during sex… blablaba. After sex we watched another movie and then she left.

 

 

 

Now every time I invite her over to my place (I do not live alone so its usually on fridays and saturdays) she has an excuse. I often invite her day before so she can make plans, but everytime something comes up (she invites her friends over and they drink so she cant drive, she has something to do, …) That happened the last 3 times and im annoyed and angry. She has never said she wont come right away, its always ‘I ll let you know’ and she always ‘get stuck’. Other than that we see each other 3 to 4 times a week .She met all my friends, I met hers, I met all her close relatives pretty soon. During dates there is non stop physical contact, kissing, making out… I can confidently say Im good bf and always take time for her. Tonight I inveted her over and she said she will let me know since she went to visit her relatives for new year, and after 2 hours she said she ‘got stuck’ and is now at home on a couch and that we will see each other tomorrow. I was angry and wrote back ‘you often ‘get stuck’ when I invite you over to my place… good night’. BTW she lives with her parents so I never spent a night or had sex at her place.

 

 

My plan is to talk to her about that because its really bothering me. I was expecting sex every chance we can get, at least at this stage of relationship. Any thoughts? Tnx for opinions.

[annie24]

It kinda does sound like she is avoiding sex with you so I might talk to her about it. Maybe it hurt her, or she is scared of getting pregnant? I would talk to her and see if you can clear this up.

[mhowe]

I don't think sex is important to her and she is actively avoiding it.

[Seraphim]

Maybe her parents do not allow bfs to sleep over? Have you asked her? Some parents don't. When I stayed with my bf now husband when we were in our early 20's his parents would NOT allow us to sleep in the same room EVER,until marriage. My parents didn't care. However, I will say having sex in your parent's house is just EW. At least to me it feels gross. Maybe that is how she feels about it?

[annie24]

Maybe her parents do not allow bf's to sleep over? Have you asked her? Some parents don't. When I stayed with with my bf now husband when we were in our early 20's his parents would NOT allow us to sleep in the same room EVER,until marriage. My parents didn't care. However, I will say having sex in your parent's house is just EW. At least to me it feels gross. Maybe that is how she feels about it?

 

I think so too, but then why is she avoiding going to his place too? (or doing it during the day at his place...?)

[Furbys]

Why not invite her to go out and do something and not always suggest your place as she may think it will lead to sex.

[Seraphim]

I think so too, but then why is she avoiding going to his place too? (or doing it during the day at his place...?)

Well he said he did not live alone either right. Maybe she does not not to be walked in on.

 

But OP you said you see each other about 4 times a week right? Maybe she feels 6 days a week is over the top? Maybe you guys have different expectations of how much time to spend together. Maybe she feels sex too early is not something she wants. Who knows. But instead of being mad have a talk with her on one of those 4 days you spend together. Calmly say what your expectations are. Let her tell you hers. Do not criticize each other. Just LISTEN and then come to a compromise.

[itsallgrand]

Yes, I think you should talk to her about it. With the idea of hearing what she has to say.

 

She is avoiding having sex. Hopefully you will get a real answer as to why.

 

I tend to agree with mhowe straight off the bat. It can't be that important to her period; because if it were me, I would have either brought up if there was a problem, tried different things, or not been in the relationship anymore if I thought it was absolutely unfixable. That is because I think sex within a relationship is one of the greatest things ever, it's a huge perk of being in a relationship! She seems very passive about what happens, and even avoiding having anything happen at all.

 

Whatever her reasons, she's not prioritizing sex at all.

 

It'll also be a good chance to see how you two do when talking about something that it is not always easy to talk about; a conflict.

 

It'll be good to see how she chooses to address this, and if she does. Let's see if she tries to blow it off or if she takes it seriously enough to be honest with you.

 

good luck. Just remember...there are a lot of reasons a person might not want to have sex, and it more than likely isn't about you.

[joffie]

If you are important to someone they will make time for you. There are 24 hours in a day so this excuse business is unacceptable.

 

It could be a possibility she is getting it from someone else? I think you need to speak about it with her and possibly move on.

 

Good luck.

[Blue92]

I think she is avoiding going over to your place because she feels it will only lead to sex. Why not take her out to dinner first or go to the movie theater, and then invite her back to your place...

[IAmFCA]

1. Invite her to stay over more than 1 day in advance.

2. Make the night about intimacy, not about sex.

3. Cook for her or do whatever you can do that makes her know you are putting her first.

3. Say, its been a long time for me, and for you, and we are in no rush. Let's take time to play with each other's bodies, maybe even make a rule that we can't have sex. Let's just be together.

4. Do not have sex with her. Not intercourse sex, I mean. Kiss her everywhere, play with her like she is the only thing that exists I the universe. But do not have sex. Do this all night.

[byanilla]

Ask her about the sex. If she doesn't want sex to be a major factor in the relationship--meaning she cares more about the emotional bond between you and her than the sex--then it may conflict with your desire to have sex and how you consider it to be the major factor in a relationship.