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When will I be happy again?


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Hello Enotaloners, I hope you are all having a better Saturday night than me.

 

Mine (as usual) involves nothing and no one.

 

What I wanted to ask was: When will I stop feeling so sad and down right awful about life?

 

I know there's no real answer to this, but I've been trying to climb out of this hole of depression and sadness I have been in from my traumatic break up/relationship for a while now, and I just wanted to ask someone because it feels like it's never ending some days. And I want it to be gone.

 

I go out and do things and sometimes I feel a bit better for a while, sometimes not, but the depression always comes back. It's like my natural state now. And let me tell you, it is not a feeling you want all the time. I feel awful.

 

I'd like to meet someone else but I have (as usual) only had creeps interested in me. I have not pursued any of the creep's invitations though which I am glad about, as I think that's how I got myself into my last relationship in a way.

 

Where are these nice men I am supposed to date? I'm probably not even ready to date anyway, it's been 3 months since this demon infested experience I have had and even though I can really see the damage that this man was trying to inflict on me and just how screwed up and mean he is now, I do still miss things about our relationship together.

 

I sometimes think maybe I should have just got more angry at him and told him to stop telling me I was behaving badly but it doesn't make any difference, it wouldn't have "changed him". I got angry plenty times and he always went back to treating me badly, I don't think any woman could "deal" with him. I did though...but at a really bad cost. My sanity, my confidence, my interests, my art, my opinions, my friends, family, job...but still it was not enough. He may well have killed me one day. I've never experienced someone treating someone else so so coldly. And then only to be treated nicely afterwards..

 

So I am realising stuff anyway and moving on doing things. I suppose nothing happens as fast as you'd like when it's worthwhile. You have to work at building a solid foundation or some such.

 

But I do worry I will never meet anyone. Is it as simple as me just not going out with bad people anymore that the good ones will now get a chance cause I'll be single and receptive? Or do I have to make more effort to find these people?

 

Also, I get so angry sometimes it's horrible. I don't express my anger to people but I just feel angry at lots of people. I suppose it's just because I'm angry with myself and my situation and that ba***** who hurt me and my dad who hurt me etc it's just all boiling up to anger that has nowhere to go. What do I do with this anger? I try hitting a pillow or having a little scream sometimes but it doesn't go away.

 

I know that's a long post but it is Saturday night and I have nothing to do so there!

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It is a very tough road. The secret is to be happy by yourself and to take care of your needs before you meet anybody else. You need to be happy and okay with being alone. Once you are happy, those nice people will find you. The tough part is getting there. So, start finding ways to get over your depression by yourself and do things you want to do that our social. Once you get to the point I mentioned, it will be alot easier.

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I'm really sorry you're feeling so sad and i think the people here want to help you, including me. I like that you're confident about yourself in posting this and i'm glad you did post it so we can help!

 

I want you to know that there are guys out there who think the same way as you and that they feel the same way about women, you'll find someone who really cares for you and with this experience you'll be able to appreciate what a kind person can really offer to a relationship with you. I'm so happy you got out of your bad situation and i want you to know it WILL get better. My advice to you is to talk to someone who really cares for you and is willing to talk to you on why youre angry it's not just goign to vanish you need to let it out and you should know the people here aren't going to criticize you for being angry, trust me we've all been there. It's very healthy in my opinion to talk out why youre so frustrated because a lot of times just having someone who will listen helps you realize why you're so angry on your own.

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toby4 I agree. I have sometimes expressed my anger to my mum about my ex and she is probably the only one who doesn't mind and it really helps. It makes me feel like the first time I've ever expressed anything properly. I am not used to expressing anger at all, I was brought up in a very turbulent home and have always tried to be the peace maker, or I've always HAD to be. I have so much anger and I know it.

 

Everyone else I try and talk to just wants me to be happy all the time and forget my emotions though. I guess that makes sense to most people. They don't understand it could be good for me. I have a counselor and I find it hard even expressing anger to her. I think it might be the route to a lot of my problems. Not knowing how to express anger properly. Or love either. It's a horrible thing to be I've got to say. I wish I could be normal. I think that's why I'm an actor. To try and express things I can't in real life.

 

Thanks for your message it was really nice. It cheered me up a bit.

 

I don't know about being ok on my own and then people wanting to go out with me. I've been ok on my own recently, not looking specifically or anything or anyone. And no one has tried to go out with me except the creeps.

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Well I just went and told my mum I've been feeling angry a lot lately. She just said I needed to join a gym.

 

Didn't really know what to say after that but still...it's some sort of progress. It's better than just feeling angry at people.

 

Maybe I should start going to confession (I'm not religious at all). I think that would be nice. I feel like I have a lot going on inside lately. Too much. It's too much for me.

 

I wish she'd have talked to me longer.

 

I feel like crying now and running away again.

 

My head is a mess

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I once heard it said that depression is anger turned inward.

 

If you're feeling angry, your Mom is giving you some good advice. If you took a kickboxing class or martial arts or something like that where you expend energy and/or beat something up, you might feel better getting that out. If you just started going to the gym and working out, you would expend some energy, which would help you sleep better at night and eventually tone up your body/lose some weight (if you feel you need to). And looking better can often make you feel better.

 

I'm not sure if it's still a popular theory in psychology or not, but there used to be a fashion for getting people to punch pillows or dummys and shout out exactly what the person was feeling. Not that I'm saying you could do that on a heavy bag at a gym... but going to confession I don't think would exactly help, either. What's a priest going to do? "My child, you've committed the sin of sex before marriage, say three Hail Marys, ten Our Fathers and five Novenas" or whatever they say and how exactly is that going to help?

 

If you're really depressed and need someone to talk to, you should look into counselling, or start a journal. Eventually, you will be happy again, you will choose to be happy again. In the meantime, do stuff to make yourself feel a bit better, whether it's paint a wall in your bedroom a colour, get a hot chocolate or buy yourself something to wear that makes you feel good wearing it. Volunteer for a cause you believe in, clean your place out and donate stuff you no longer need/use/fit in to local charities. Do something you couldn't do when you were with your ex because he wouldn't have liked it -- go to a drag show or rent every sappy chick flick rom com and binge watch for a weekend. Get a massage. Join some Meetup groups or take a night school class and try something you've always wanted to try. Find stuff that you want to do or would like to do and do it. Eventually it won't hurt so much and one day you'll find you're happy -- really happy -- and ready -- really ready -- to date again.

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Try not to feel like people don't care about you your mom gave you great advice in telling you to join a gym! Every morning I go for a run and it really does help alleviate stress and anxiety, keep knowing that people will talk and know we are here to listen, If you feel really down think why? What can you do to prevent these days of weakness from occurring to often and come here and let it all out because the people here will listen. I myself for awhile tried to have someone to hang out with or something to do everyday but i started almost feeling smothered and took some time to just appreciate me, treat yourself to something nice buy yourself your favorite treat. Why? Because you deserve it for YOU! you deserve to love and be loved and don't let yourself think any differently!

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So so sorry you are feeling this way. I just posted a bit about my situation, but reading your story makes me feel pretty jerky--I'm depressed over my failed 6 week realationship, but you had much more time and effort and love invested, I can't imagine the pain you are feeling now. I have been in your shoes, and let me tell you--the pain lessens, by degrees. All it takes is time (trite, but true). However, I completely understand the fear and uncertainty you are going thru. It's easy for me to tell you that you WILL find the right person, but not so easy to believe it when it comes ourselves, huh?

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Hi ms Darcy how does that work? If you could share some tips here that would be neat

 

It's basically the understanding that our mind actually controls our emotions. That we perceive events and quickly decide how to feel the appropriate emotions.

 

Some people can get a flat tire and just fix it, while others allow it to ruin their day.

 

Cognitive behaviour therapy deals with the understanding that your mind is the filter. You have more control than you realize in how you feel emotions and you can control them.

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