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Am I Being Too Hard on Myself?


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I really think I was "uncool ", and screwed things up due to my crappy communication skills. I really just want to dance with her again, not necessarily date or anything… and I may have accidentally made it look like the opposite of that. But then again, I need an outside perspective, because I've been feeling really insecure about this. Also, just so you know… I am a lesbian, so this is about two girls.


Here's the story. I went clubbing last month, 2 nights before I had to leave the country for 6 months. I eventually noticed this girl who looked interested in dancing with me, so I started dancing in front of her. It took her like 5 seconds to jump on me and start kissing me. We made-out and groped for the remainder of the night, which was almost 2 hours. We were still making-out by the time the music had stopped and people were going home. Our friends literally had to stop us. As we went in line to get our jackets at coat check, she kept holding my hand, and asked for my number. I gave it to her. When we eventually left coat check, and were outside… she still wouldn't get off of me. She kept grabbing me and pulling me into her so she could make-out with me more - It was f**king awesome, and she wasn't even really drunk.

I eventually had to be the one to leave, otherwise she would have missed her night bus. That night when I got home, I saw she had sent me a friend request on Facebook. I was sad because I was moving to another country for a long time, and probably wouldn't see her until I got back, so because of that, I sent her a Facebook message… and then this started


Me Hi **** it was nice meeting you last night. I am leaving the city for quite a while starting tomorrow, and would love to see you again before i leave.

Her Good ) I'll text you later this week )

Me okay cool. I'm leaving the country tomorrow ( for 6 months ) so, in case you want to come I will be partying at **** tonight. Talk soon.

Her ok ok, I thought you meant that you were staying for a while! ( I can't go tonight! hope you had a great time here and have nice trip. text me one day if you come back ) xoxoxo

Me Yeah, I wish I was here a bit longer. I'll msg you when I'm back. xoxo

Her Good ) xox

Then… Funny enough, while I was on the plane ready to depart, the plane suddenly stopped working, and I had to change my flight for something a week later. Out of excitement I messaged her impulsively ( this to me, was my first mistake… tell me if you think I'm wrong )


Me: My flight was canceled. I'm here for 5ish more days, wanna hang sometime?

Me: By the way, the reason my flight was canceled was because there was a problem with the airplane. I'd really like to kiss you again before I go )


She never answered. I don't know if it's because I was uncool, she didn't understand something, or if she just didn't want to get caught into a long distance type thing.

Anyways… I left 1 week later, but then ended up coming back last week because I needed to finish up some work with a colleague. New years eve was just around the corner, and the club where we met has a really great new years party, and I figured she'd be going. So… this is what I did. 2 days before the party, I texted her with my friends phone because I wanted to make it fun and mysterious. FYI, I kept the conversation in french, seeing as it's her original language, but ill translate it in here.


Me Are you going to *** for new years?

Her who is this?

Me Just come okay? ;- )

Her I don't even get a hint? ;- )

Me No. It's more fun this way ;- )

Her Okay, good ;- )

Me See you!


Then, on the night of the party, she texts back asking if i was at the club. Unfortunately, 2mins after, the city's phone networks just shut down due to new years eve. I had no way of finding her in that club full of people. I eventually gave up and just Facebook messaged her with my phone. I said:

Me Hey, I have no idea if you're at Unity, but if you are, come meet me where we were dancing last time.

Her I'm not here anymore (

Me ( Where are you? You should come back

Her At home, my friend is not feeling well but I should have stayed (

Me Yeah you should have! but it's good that you're with your friend. Wanna come back tomorrow or friday? unless you think you can come back tonight

Her Yeah not tonight (

Me No problem. If you're down to go again sometime this week or weekend, let me know )

Her Good ) xoxo

Me ) xo


Okay, so… now it's Friday, and I don't think she's ever going to message me back.

My approach right now is to not message her anymore, and wait to see if she messages me… but do you think that I should message her again if she doesn't get back to me? What do you think I should do at this point? I really want to dance with her again. She seems to be a regular at that club, but I don't know if she goes every single week. Do you think I am just blowing this all out of proportion in my head?

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There's really no way of knowing if she'll message you back. I think you made your interest very clear so if she's interested or just wants a dancing buddy, she'll get back to you.

I wouldn't do anything else as you've been clear and gone out of your way to express interest.

If someone were interested in me but leaving the country for 6 months, I honestly wouldn't put any effort into getting to know them. If/when they came back and if there was any interest and IF I weren't involved with anyone else, I would maybe catch up with them when they got back.

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I'm not going to lie.. If I were her and you were a guy I met at a club, I probably wouldn't pursue it.. She was probably using you for a little fun, and if that's not the case then she probably doesn't want to spend time working on a crush that will be out of the country for half of the year..

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unless she didn't see the message where you said your flight was cancelled, you should've got your hint there. you are leaving, there's no big reason for this becoming more than a one night fling - not until you are officially back from wherever you're gone to.

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Based on how I communicated, and what I said? Or because of the fact that it was a one night fling and the moving to another city part? just trying to understand so that I can handle these situations better… I'm not used to meeting people at clubs. All I wanna know is if there was anything wrong / off-putting with what I said. Or if I've said too much.

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based on the fact that you are _LEAVING_.


communication was almost ok, except for the misterious texts from an unknown number which would have creeped me out. but there's no reason to get too involved with someone who will be gone, that's the whole point.


stop overanalyzing it, and move on.

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