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The urge to contact an ex?


chris1005

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What have you done to fight the urge to contact in an ex girlfriend or an ex boyfriend. What kind of distractions have you done when you have felt the urge to call her or him/ text her or him/ write and send her or him a letter, post card or thinking of a way to send her or him best wishes threw the holidays/ birthday or special occasions etc. It would be nice to read opinions from either men or females tell us your stories and your advice.

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Remember the reason why they are my ex.

 

I remember him butt dialing me on his way to his girlfriend's house.

 

I remember him butt dialing me while they were on their way out on a date and I heard all of their conversation.

 

That is enough to keep my hands off my cell phone.

 

I know for a fact that he would have loved for me to have unblocked him and called him and wished him happy holidays, but doing that changes nothing about those butt dialed phone calls and the fact that he threw me over for her. IT CHANGES NOTHING.

 

So what if they're glad to hear from you? You'd be glad that they didn't toss you over, too and they're doing nothing to change that. Not making one move to rectify and atone for that, so why waste time going down a road you've been down already? It leads to nowhere.

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After a while you just realise that contact is only going to hurt if it doesn't meet your expectations. 99% of the time you texting "Hi how you doing?" Isn't going to result in a "I love you and want you back"

 

I never sent those kinds of messages but I did start to feel anxiety when my ex contacted me- I knew it would hurt on some level because she's with someone else.

 

I did wish her a Merry Christmas,she replied in kind and it was fine,I had no expectations for that exchange.

 

I'm NIC, she texts me occasionally for a but if chat,but nothing serious or heavy. I'm fine with that. It doesn't waste a lot of my time and she has good chat.

 

I'm not ready to be her friend though. I may never. I still love her very much but I just leave her alone because ultimately that's what she wanted- to not be with me. I feel that truly loving someone means you respect their wishes and feelings.

 

This is not me saying I'll never move on. I will eventually. I still "love" my previous ex as well,and I just wish I had been mature enough to leave her alone after we broke up,rather than clinging to a "special friendship" that delayed my healing and ability to move on.

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I am much the same as NoIdea^.

 

It is very hard NOT to try & contact them.. hard as anything! But... i know it means nothing, even coming from them- especially if they're with someone else now.

 

Then WHY bother? It's NOT going to get me anywhere if I break down & send him a text. He knows I still feel for him. I also know he 'misses me' etc- whatever, but he chose to move on.. then leave me alone now.

 

When you get that 'urge' i suggest you do NOT reach for that phone.. do not send an email etc. Get a journal going, where you can put down all you want to say to them.. the feelings.. that venting. I did that for about 3-4 months..instead of saying it all to him. I have now slowed down and keep myself from picking up my phone...steer away from it.

Put it down- leave it alone.

 

Remember.. most probablility- whatever you want to do or say re: them? Will not end up doing anything for either of you.

 

Best for you to wean yourself off of how things used to be to it being all changed now. Is hard to do- will take a while, but, keep going.

 

good luck

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What will the gesture get you? More pain, utter humiliation and additional rejection. Now why exactly did you want to do that again?

 

I guess, when an ex was on my mind, I would make an effort to remember all the bad things, bad times, etc. Basically the reasons it's over and needs to stay that way. With time, we tend to forget the bad and only remember the good, so one way to keep away is keep reminding yourself of the bad so that you don't forget that.

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I am guilty of breaking NC. Just after 10days I did contact him. It was over a business matter but honestly, it could have waited longer as it had 2 more weeks to deadline. Aside from the business talk, I went and asked of his opinion about reconnecting given some time and space. Which, I regret to this moment! What was I thinking? what could possibly have changed within 10 days? It was moment of weakness and damn x mas eve. I am not doing anything to keep myself from contacting the EX. My last conversation with him was all I needed to close the chapter. I am back on dating life. I had that unattractive feeling and insecurity as being the dumpee for a day after the break up. Then, I realized, wth I am f**king beautiful, I was beautiful and always will be (well I will get OLD but still be beautiful! lol). I say do not put your life on hold for someone who left you. Do not think about "what if's". "what if's" are only in dumpees mind. There is no "what if's" on dumpers. They might miss you once some time have passed. They might even doubt their initial decision. But, all that doesn't matter. What matter is YOU! I read something about someone said, Let it go, live your life, take care of yourself and if that someone comes back to you from months or even years from now and you still believe he/she is the one. What is months or years compare to life long journey together? then by that time, you will be with someone who loves you unconditionally and will stick by you through thick and thin. Win, win situation. =)

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