Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I'm trying the NC thing. I am. It's just hard because literally I've talked to her for like 5 years, give or take a few months or days. It's only been two days since the break, after dating her for a year and a half.

 

She keeps texting. I keep texting back. I don't initiate convos. She does.

Both days she has said she missed me.

She told me she didnt know what she would do without me, and Im one of the ONLY people she trusts.

I thought I could handle being whatever I am, but this is harder than I thought.

 

I am trying to picture her, true or not, with someone else. So at least there is that in my mind.

At the same time, I know of people that have broken up, but are now getting married. So I have false hope.

 

Everyone in the universe says go NO CONTACT. I thought it would be easy. It's not.

A lot of people says she has someone else in mind already as well.

 

I dont know what to do. Either option hurts. I dont want to lose an amazing friend, at the same time, I should heal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Keep your mind busy. Go run or play videogames or whatever you need to do to keep your head away from her. I know the feeling. I was friends with my ex for 2 years and then we dated 3.

 

It's like losing a piece of yourself...Just hang in there. It's been almost 3 months here. You CAN do it. The first week is the hardest. From there things will go much easier.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I also did the stupid thing, and since I still had her Christmas presents, said I still wanted to give them to her, if she wanted. I said not soon or anything, whenever. She said Absolutely. And put a heart after it. Sigh...stupid moment of weakness.

 

I try to make myself busy, but I find myself losing concentration in whatever I am doing. I'm sure I am not unique here. I guess it just sucks. I'm just not sure I want to stop talking to her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You most certainly have false hope and that is a dangerous thing to have because it leads you over the cliff and onto the rocks below.

 

The only thing she can say to you that matters a whit is: "I'm so sorry, Fame. I don't want to be apart from you. I want to get back with you. Please give me another chance to be with you." Period. Anything other than her saying exactly those words is her BSing you and being selfish. She's only thinking about herself, she's not thinking or caring about your feelings in all of this. If she truly cared about you, you two would not be broken up.

 

If nothing about her wanting to get back together with you is coming out of her mouth, then block her texts. Go get "Privacy Star" app for your phone to block her texts and calls.

 

Your feelings matter, too. What you want matters, too. If she is not willing to get back together with you, then drop her at the mall and keep moving.

 

If you want to spend the foreseeable future hurting and not moving on, then keep on talking to her. Meanwhile, a wonderful young lady who truly wants to be in your life and love you will be passed by because you're dwelling on this twit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, it can be VERY hard to stop such things as contact. Especially in the beginning.

They're like a drug. Hard as anything to stop- cold turkey. It's like trying to wean yourself off of it.

It's so hard to do because you're so used to how it was... but now it's different and all of this is new to you- the break up, having to go NC now, etc.

 

It'll take some time.. BUT in order for YOU to work on accepting & healing over this, it is best you stop everything to do with her.

 

For a while, yes, there is that 'hope'.. but don't rely on that. As mentioned, this is all so fresh for you. It'll take a while to accept these 'changes' and adjust your life once again.

 

Main aim now is to aim AWAY from her. Work on yourself & your own life from now on. It will be difficult for a while.. you will feel those 'urges' to call her etc.. but don't.

Start a journal of all you want to say... go for walks.. go out with friends etc.

 

One day at a time.... stick around, you're not alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a totally one sided arrangement. She dumps you and gets to contact you for comfort, support and ego boost and does not have to deal with the pain of loss while she seeks out a new man. You get to support her and help her move on while being tortured with the loss and feeling false hope.

 

Not a arrangement I would want to sign up for. Try to step out of your emotions and do whats best for you not her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have been thinking about something similar to what you're saying here for the past few days: I asked my ex to not contact me anymore bc it was too painful for me, being confronted everytime with the fact she doesn't love me anymore. She then said she was going to respect my wishes bc she 'never wanted to hurt me, does truly care for me and wishes me all the best'. I want to hit her in the face for saying that. Do you think she 'truly cares for me?' I think if she did she wouldn't have hurt me this much in the first place..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You will stop talking to her once the pain and disappointment are greater than the thrill of speaking with her.

 

This. Great post. Sums up the NC journey very well. (Admittedly I am not full NC, I just don't initiate contact,but this explains why you eventually don't want to get in touch )

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You will stop talking to her once the pain and disappointment are greater than the thrill of speaking with her.

 

Agreed, excellent point.

 

OP I can tell you to go No Contact but ultimately you have to want to do that. People would tell me to go NC, but I didn't actually want to for probably 2 months. Therefore I'd go a week max and then return one of his text messages or emails. It was only until our contacts led to more negativity that I decided to just let it go and stop contacting him.

 

My best advice is to force yourself to go at least 4 weeks without contacting her. Give yourself that time line and then eventually it'll get easier. You may not make the goal of 4 weeks but at least set a goal until you are ready and truly want to just stop contact. And trust me if the drama and confusion continues, and it will, you will eventually get tired and hopeless and want to end communication. 2 days is just the beginning. Give it time and patience.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just have a curiosity question for you guys.

How do you approach the possibly getting back together approach? I'm not saying it will or won't happen. Do you ask the dumper about it? Do you wait for the dumper to say something? Should you just be patient and see what happens? Again, I'm not saying it's goign to happen in my situation, I just would like input on this.

Is it like an off limit topic all together? I've always wondered.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just have a curiosity question for you guys.

How do you approach the possibly getting back together approach? I'm not saying it will or won't happen. Do you ask the dumper about it? Do you wait for the dumper to say something? Should you just be patient and see what happens? Again, I'm not saying it's goign to happen in my situation, I just would like input on this.

Is it like an off limit topic all together? I've always wondered.

 

As for me, I let her know I am open to try things again with her, but I'm not open to friendship. She basically ignores me saying I'm open to it, so I don't know if would have made any difference me not telling her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have been thinking about something similar to what you're saying here for the past few days: I asked my ex to not contact me anymore bc it was too painful for me, being confronted everytime with the fact she doesn't love me anymore. She then said she was going to respect my wishes bc she 'never wanted to hurt me, does truly care for me and wishes me all the best'. I want to hit her in the face for saying that. Do you think she 'truly cares for me?' I think if she did she wouldn't have hurt me this much in the first place..

 

Exactly.

 

No... she cares about making herself feel better for what she's done to you. She doesn't want to sit with the feelings of being the 'bad guy'.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just have a curiosity question for you guys.

How do you approach the possibly getting back together approach? I'm not saying it will or won't happen. Do you ask the dumper about it? Do you wait for the dumper to say something? Should you just be patient and see what happens? Again, I'm not saying it's goign to happen in my situation, I just would like input on this.

Is it like an off limit topic all together? I've always wondered.

 

I stopped approaching him on this about 2 years ago when it was clear that he was not going to inconvenience himself to declare for me again. I asked him point blank and his answer was "you need to move on and forget about me". So that's what I did. I put a lot of effort into doing so and it was very, very hard, but I stuck to it. My only fault was that I allowed him to throw bread crumbs in my path for a time, but that ended at the 3 year mark (august).

 

No, no sense in waiting on something that isn't going to happen. If they want to be in your life, they do it.

 

My new guy is behaving like a man who wants to be in my life. There is a difference when one puts what they say into action.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just have a curiosity question for you guys.

How do you approach the possibly getting back together approach? I'm not saying it will or won't happen. Do you ask the dumper about it? Do you wait for the dumper to say something? Should you just be patient and see what happens? Again, I'm not saying it's goign to happen in my situation, I just would like input on this.

Is it like an off limit topic all together? I've always wondered.

 

My opinion is that you don't tell them you don't want to talk to them unless they want to try again and here is why. You give them a security blanket that your still there if they want to come back, it eliminates any sense of urgency or loss on their part.

 

My feeling is you tell them I respect your decision, I love you but I don't want to be friends or hear from you. I wish you the best and goodbye.

 

You may ask why. It's because in the beginning they are very sure of their decision to break up and nothing you say is going to change their minds. Secondly, it shows self respect, value and confidence. These are all very attractive qualities.

 

This will be a win-win for you in a bad situation. They will either be shocked and realize they made a mistake and come back, or you will have kept your self dignity which makes it much easier to heal and move on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...