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Met an Amazing girl while in Europe for 5 weeks...


BigKK

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So I met a girl while I am on my vacation here and so far everything is great. I don't recall ever having someone get me so fast... A lot of things are going off in my head, and I am trying to not go head over heels just yet.

 

With all my other relationships combined I was never able to talk with someone like this, and I think only my best friend can understand me like this. So let's say there is definitely a connection. She is as sweet as pie, but she makes me laugh...I make her laugh all the time. (very important to me)

 

Physically...well my jaw dropped when I met her, and I am still picking up the pieces. We come from different cultures but yet find a lot of different similarities that are almost identical.

 

 

 

So here is why I write... this may be my last message before the whole feeling ship sails. She is here for an Erasmus program, finishing her degree in February...then she needs to find out where she will work. I am here on vacation enjoying myself for 5 weeks, doing administrative paperwork so that I could study in Europe. She wants to work in England, I'd be leaving the US to study in a few countries in Europe depending on where I am accepted or decide to go. (I am still flexible) Right now is vacation time for her too, so for example, the first day I met her we grabbed a beer (planning for 2 hours) it turned into a 12 hour conversation and we both didn't know where the time went.

 

So I realize we are unnaturally spending a lot of time together vs. what I'd be able to do at home (ie. dating) So probably if this was regular "dating" it would be a month along, if not more.

 

 

Anyway life is interesting, and now do I take this as a fun vacation fling with a real amazing woman, do I consider further possibilities towards the end of the trip? I would be going back to US regardless for a few months. This romantic side in me is being awaken that starts to ask questions like...what if she is the one and I am supposed to figure out how to work it out, how to cross our paths again for a longer time? We are both in transitional times in our lives, but what if we try to transition it together? We even talked about how you have to look out for yourself and your best interests...what are my best interests? Are they purely career based?

 

 

I know most of the responses will be along the lines of hold your horses cowboy, but I guess I am excited to have met a really amazing person. I am about to go hang out with her today again and can't wait to see her smile. I have 3 more weeks left here, so I will enjoy them...with a lot of time with her. We plan on going to Hungary or maybe Italy together. I guess towards the end of my stay talk about possibilities? Do I bring it up? Hold your horses? Thanks and Happy new Year ENA

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I would say if it's somewhat convenient or practical for you to be in Europe close to her you should go for it. Life is always a risk. Love is definitely worth a risk. Even if it doesn't work out you still get an amazing experience out of it. I've always played it safe and done what is "right for me" instead of taking risks for love even though I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I'm now in a situation where I'm taking a risk and it's been amazing so far. As long as you're both on the same page I say go for it! How often does a chance for such an adventure come along?

 

I think it also kind of depends on your age. I'm 28 so I feel like it's a good time in my life to take this risk. Like they say: no risk, no reward.

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Very interesting, indeed. Hmmm what do do?......

 

Nice you've found someone so interesting, while vacationing. You do have to remember, we always, often find someone VERY interesting , in the beginning. No one knows the future though?

 

Yes, risks seem to be involved here re: careers, future living arrangements etc. Just try not to overdo is all at this time though- because it's still been so little time. You two just met, correct? So this is like your 'high', meeting up with her. She seems so real, so fun, so awesome.

 

I suggest- go with a cautious heart & mind. Remember it is your life, your choices, your goals. If it is meant to be, it will be.

I also suggest you take it slow. Don't 'jump' right into so many plans/ idea's so fast, as this is how your 'idea's/dreams' can end up shattered in the end.

 

This is a bit of a hard call... hmmmmm. You may as well enjoy the time with her now, that you've got. See how things pan out over next cpl of weeks. Go with the flow- but don't jump the gun, as of yet.

Give it time..

 

keep us informed.

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If you really feel she is that amazing, then don't throw that away as a fling. However, before you do anything, maybe get her thoughts on where to from here. I personally know quite a few people who have happy marriages come out of long distance and different countries. It really boils down to what do you and her really want and are you willing to deal with the short term difficulties for the sake of a long term future together. In the end, distance is only a temporary inconvenience and travel within Europe is ridiculously easy.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi BigKK

Have you told this gal your feelings for her? Not I would say tell her how yoi feel. If for no other reason so she knows how you feel. I am a firm believer in that god has put a woman for every man and a man for every woman on the earth and has set a way for them to meet. I would spend as much time with her as I could so that you are a important part of her life and to leave you would be some thing she would not think of doing. I my self am in a AGR and an LDR. She 36 and I 73 she lives In London and I live in the Hudson Valley of New York State. We call ,and text three times a day for at least hour a time. And I travel a lot for my business and I am in London four to five times a year. and the next time I am over to London

I will be coming not alone this time but with two others my GF and hr 13 YO daughter.

So make sure your gal knows how you feel about her.

I believe the your our personal life's comes first before your jobs.

Good luck with your Gal.

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Hi everyone,

 

So I go back home next week... We are going for another short trip for her birthday starting tomorrow. I am really excited... she is excited.

 

We haven't had an official "talk" about future plans, but there has been inferences about wanting to extend this somehow...

 

The last 13+ days since I posted this, things only got better. She is truly a delightfully sweet, smart, and dangerously funny person. I will let her know my feelings over this trip...and I will see what her feelings are.

 

The tricky part is I will be returning to Europe for school, to a non-English speaking country for school, while she wants to find work in an English speaking country. So I am not sure if that will work.

 

My school is not 100% yet since I have not been accepted, but depending on how the talk goes, I am considering throwing out the idea of her coming to San Diego...although this would be very early.

 

I definitely do wonder if she is the one, and this is when life is presenting her to me and I shouldn't let go or allow ourselves to see how we do with distance and go and see what happens when I return to Europe. I am just not sure if this is just too much of a transitional time for both of us.

 

Regardless, still having the time of my life here...definitely falling for her and not having any regrets about it either way whatever becomes of this.

 

I will let you guys know how the talks go, although I think the ball will mostly be in my court whether I want to do anything or not.

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My advice ask her to come to San Diego, or transfer to a school in her home country so you can see each other everyday. She could be the one, do you want to always think "what if"? No go with your heart it will show you the way.

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My advice ask her to come to San Diego, or transfer to a school in her home country so you can see each other everyday. She could be the one, do you want to always think "what if"? No go with your heart it will show you the way.

 

So I am definitely in love... oops. We talked realistically about all the possibilities. I will mention some more details and perhaps someone can chime in with advice. We agreed to try to make it happen.

 

She is from Brazil, living in Portugal, but was on a study abroad program temporarily in Poland. I was visiting family in Poland, considering school there, Sweden, or England.

 

She finishes her program in February and then wants to start working. I am not completely well versed in jobs for nurses but she would like to work in an English speaking country for nursing. She has lived in the States for a year when she was 20, and loved it. (probably one of the reasons she got along, she understood a lot of my American references, but I still had to explain a lot of them)

 

I am not 100% about going to school abroad, I have options in California as well. I live in San Diego, and love it here although feel this draw to live elsewhere for awhile. I stayed in Poland, Germany, Hungary and Sweden while abroad this time around, and had a great time...there is pluses and minuses to every place.

 

 

 

Options: I go to school to Poland, her working in Poland as a nurse...you make pitiful money and she would need to speak some Polish, so she will most likely be miserable

 

 

I go to school in Sweden...I will have to investigate nursing in Sweden

 

 

I stay in San Diego, she needs to pass boards, and will probably find a job for her here. If I am accepted and decided to go to school, does she come, and leave behind a good job?

 

 

I go to school in England, pay much higher tuition and cost of living.

 

 

 

 

The good part about Poland is the school is fairly cheap, good, and a dual diploma from Poland and England... plus I have a family apartment I could live in.

 

 

 

After the 5 weeks, I have this new found appreciation for San Diego... I was in -20 Celsius weather... now it's 20 Celsius. I really need to analyze all of this, the other thing is I am viewing San Diego romantically... I really don't like the social aspect as far as people go. But then I think...maybe once I stop caring about building my social network, it won't matter. Or perhaps I just look in the wrong places...whereas in Poland I wasn't. Or perhaps I was treated differently as a guest/visitor, will that continue if I am student there or will it go away? All things I Must consider...people were not flaking on meetings they way they do here. I hate that I have to be "okay" with it here, everyone makes plans with 4 people and picks the best option. I weed out these people, but still, the next one you meet usually does the same.

 

 

 

Anyway, I am definitely in love...I want to make it work, but we'll see just how we do it. The last thing is, it's not THAT easy for a Brazilian that just graduated college to get a Visa to the US...she would have to get a professional Visa, but she needs her boards passed in order to get a job.

 

 

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Thanks guys

 

so as far as Visas go... not many options

 

1. student visa, and she works on her master's here... that's all up to her

 

2. K1 visa as a fiance, way too soon

 

3. she goes to Tijuana, Mexico and I smuggle her in (lol) or she lives there and I move there...lower quality of life, etc

 

 

 

Me going in Europe...

Right now I am taking over the business I am working for...I can't leave...it's an incredibly hard time and exciting time for me... I think a lot if she is the right one, I wish I had a little more time to be sure... but yeah I will be fine if I am alone too. Being with her really re-sparked my self-confidence too, but I would kill to have her by my side.

 

 

I will keep you guys posted.

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So.........

 

 

The love bubble is about to be popped.

 

We got on the serious topic of details, and how long this will take. The talks about sex came up, and it turns out she is all for going for it...but then open relationship talks came out. Huge no-no for me, and red flag...I am close to just dropping it all together.

 

Maybe I am old-fashioned, although I have a feeling most members will agree with me... if sex with others gets involved then why wait. I told her I am not her safety net or her plan B so she can test the waters until visa papers come in. I am worth waaaay more, she is hurt by her ex who had her wait for a year (LDR) and then dumped her...so she is fearful of being alone again. I understand that, but also told her I have my principles and standards and stand strongly next to them.

 

I feel I am a catch, and am very close to just saying no altogether by the very fact that it came up...but I am still open slightly due to the fact that perhaps cultures are different and her past experiences? She hasn't done anything yet, but I am getting a bad feeling about it, and usually follow my intuition after my last storm ending of a relationship. I silenced my intuition for too long. I understand it's her baggage, and LDR's are a ... which is why I hate them! I fell in love, and I am thinking of trying to get protective and just jump ship. Although the last few days we were hammering out details, and I found a way to get her here fairly quick... I don't know anymore. The chemistry was incredible, but I know some Brazilians that are much more open sexually...so maybe that's it...or am I just creating excuses?

 

She said she didn't believe me "able to wait" for her, but I fully am...ah well... Gotta post this, even though its not all rosey-posey like I wanted it to be...such is life #sadblueconfusedreal

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She is projecting....she doesn't think you will be able to wait for her.

When it is actually....she needs male attention and she cannot wait for you.

 

Big disconnect. And I admire your principles. But this is huge flag....and has now planted the seeds of doubt.

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She is projecting....she doesn't think you will be able to wait for her.

When it is actually....she needs male attention and she cannot wait for you.

 

Big disconnect. And I admire your principles. But this is huge flag....and has now planted the seeds of doubt.

 

Ughh... so losing it fairly quick as far as caring goes... oh well.

 

 

She says she thought we'd date until she comes here, I tell her if that's the case, then I am out. So now she says she won't do that, since I won't and is okay with that... and doesn't want to hurt me

 

 

is it normal that now I don't really want to accept it? It puts me in the "controlling" position, and will make her resentful eventually. Or perhaps as you say mhowe, the seeds of doubt are sown. I don't know if I want to just put a stop to it...and perhaps knowing this kills the magic...or maybe I am overreacting.

 

 

 

I will have to think about this one... and re-evaluate.

 

 

My "perfect girl" wouldn't be thinking or saying things like that, although my friends say its not her fault since no groundwork was laid down.

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Our time apart is a big unknown, it worries me that she assumed we'd both just be free after having serious talks about logistics.

 

 

The very best...3 months , at worst, 9 months. I contemplated going to see her before she is granted a visa...

 

I am very honestly hurt, I don't know if her being Brazilian has anything todo with it, or if it's rather her previous failed LDR (of three years) but at this point the romance is deflating, I am really reflecting upon myself and trying to view this objectively as well, while removing those rosey glasses.

 

Once she'd come here, she'd be here. I am a 28 year old guy with a high libido and am willing to wait months for her....

 

So if she is saying no way Jose , it makes me question her motives, and now she changes what she would do since it would hurt me..

 

Still not sure if I am willing to accept that or being over sensitive, I am going to workout, sleep, and ponder this one

 

 

I googled open LDRs already, it wasn't pretty lol

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Ughhh... I almost want to say no to love! (like from the Internship)

 

I am no longer emotional, I will talk it over with her...

 

 

to lay it all out, and in her defense, I wasn't 100% sure of anything (her coming over here) yet until recently... (at least I thought I was) Since I returned, I was still trying to really figure out if I wanted to bring her over here. Once I decided that's what I wanted, I told her.

 

I think she didn't necessarily believe me, or thought I am not 100% in the way I felt... perhaps miscommunication or perhaps I am finding excuses for her.

 

 

The other issue is she was in a 3 year relationship. Few months together in Florida, then a Year in Portugal together, then he left to Thailand for almost 2 years, and they tried the whole LDR. She said for a year there was love, etc and it was working, the second time she visited...it was all gone and she's really fearful of that. So I am not even sure if I am on the same page, she left me a message crying about not losing me, and saying that she assumed we'd date others and then "be a couple" when she arrives here. Or if I am paying for her baggage with her ex?? As with most of the members here, and I think the majority of people... they would not be cool or OK with what would technically be an open relationship through LDR.

 

 

I know there is some magical people that are fine with being deeply in love and able to sleep around, I am not one of those. I could probably do it, but by thinking this way...I know that love feeling would be subsiding. Same goes for my partner...I think its a form of jealousy and perhaps fear...but its something I don't think I am willing to experiment with since I know myself pretty well! On top of the fact that bringing her over would be a big step, and I assumed once we agreed that's what we wanted to do, I thought there is an implication of alright well no more banging randoms! So perhaps shame on me for assuming, or the fact that our views are so misaligned I need to re-evaluate. If she is willing to make this "sacrifice" for me, I don't know if its enough...since I don't think it should be sounding like its such a big "sacrifice."

 

 

Anyway, just writing a few of my ideas down. Also analyzing myself and wondering if I am so ready to jump ship, is it because I know what I want and don't put up with BS well or perhaps I am not 100% about the whole ordeal! So when I talk with her, I get hooked in the sense of getting some doses of love and have to make sure to not be speaking foolishly and remain true to myself. I think this place helped me a lot seeing others acting all kinds of different ways, and also being called out on it when I do the same. So I am working hard to remove the rose colored glasses and keeping an eye on myself...but I guess part of the fun or magic is gone because I feel I have to already.

 

 

 

Ahh, and to make it more fun, my ex just called me last night and left a message. I listened because I thought it was something serious like someone dying, etc, but she called to say she hope my trip went well and wanted to give me some stuff of mine she found...which she wants to bring to my work or give to a friend... *sigh* 7 months later, she still has to call to ask. :stupid:

 

 

 

Last thought, there is one tiny part that thought OH maybe I should try this whole open relationship don't worry about it thing, although it would probably destroy what I have with her...but maybe maybe it wouldn't???? I read it working on a few websites, but mostly on some Polygamy sites and I am not convinced if it is polygamy due to "being so open and confident" or rather so fearful of loss you're willing to deal with the pain of jealousy? (Probably could write a book on this?? )

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If "the love of your life" cannot wait 6-9 months to be with you without dating other people....I think that you somehow skipped the chapter on "shared values".

 

well after my thoughts are revealed, she now "can," but yes, exactly... it's not a shared value. It's more "enforcing" or imposing my own

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