Lulu100 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 I'm so scared of being alone that I jump from one relationship to the next without allowing any time to process everything in between. When I broke up with my ex, I went on dates the very next day and kept dating constantly until I met my bf now. We've been together for almost a year and I feel like he's not the right guy for me. I don't want to go into all the reasons why he isn't, but I haven't been feeling connected with him for some time now. The only reason why I didn't end it earlier is because i was comfortable. We had a routine, I had someone there for me, someone to wake up to in the morning and cuddle with at night. I'm more in love with the idea of having a bf then with the actual person. I know being so afraid of being alone isn't good and I need to learn to be comfortable with myself. But how can I achieve this? How can I make myself end things with someone when the result is being alone? Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 keep your long term goals in sight. what is it that you REALLY want? if you know that this man is not your future husband, it's better to move on and try to find the right guy. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Why don't YOU look into some counselling? Because no, it is not a good thing to jump from one relation into another you're whole life... And is not right to be with someone you just not that into, anymore. Counselling may help you 'dig deeper' about yourself & get things on the mend should there be a reason or two for your ways. Link to comment
junebug123 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 sounds like your scared of commitment. Join the club. Link to comment
midnightdeirdre Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 OP, how old are you? (I ask because I have a hunch that no matter what your age, you were one of those kids in school who had their next bf/gf lined up before you broke up with the other one, yes?) And I def agree, you should get some counseling. But more importantly, take a deep breath & listen to what your gut tells you. Because no matter what, it's always right. Link to comment
agatha Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 however you reach it, you must learn to be comfortable with yourself. that's the one person you are running from when you don't take the time to heal from a relationship to another. counseling, self help books, whatever. get to know the real you, and make friends with that person. that's what will allow you to endure dry spells without jumping into the next available single person that crosses your path. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 You should explore the basis for your fear of being alone. Counseling is great for that, journaling is great for that. Pick one thing to do completely by yourself that pushes you slightly out of that comfort zone that you would usually do as a couple--i.e. go see a movie, go to a nice place to eat, take a tour, take a class. All of these things will lead you to understand why you fear being alone and will also let you take baby steps towards seeing that yes you can do things by yourself and still enjoy them. Then when you get up there take a trip by yourself and see what that's like too. Realizing there is a problem and wanting to fix it is half the battle, so keep going and get there. You will come to understand and relish being alone without having to settle for bad relationships as a substitute to being alone. Pets are also a great way to fill the void so to speak and many times they're preferable to bad human company, or at least I think so. Link to comment
Blue92 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 You will never learn how to how to be in a healthy relationship if you do not learn how to be happy with yourself first. You are so addicted to the type of attention that a bf gives you, that you are afraid to be without it. I know kissing, and cuddling, and holding hands with your significant other is nice, but at what cost if it is with someone who you feel was just a rebound from the last guy. You need to slow yourself down and think about the long term. This means take a time out from the dating world and get your own priorities staight before you even think about finding mr. Right. I know it sounds hard, but once you learn how to be independently happy on your own, you will put more time and patience into finding a guy who can give you that special feeling. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Sounds like you need attention from the opposite sex. Seriously you need to take a break from it all and keep yourself busy in other ways. Pick up a hobby, hang out with friends or family, maybe workout and be healthy. You are doing more harm to yourself and others you get yourself involve with. Serial dating isn't the way to solve your emptiness. Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 How can I make myself end things with someone when the result is being alone? Think of it another way. The result won't necessarily be being alone..it can be that you'll have the chance to meet someone who IS the right guy for you. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 I used to be this way, i think i had a new date every week and a new gf every month. I think what stopped me was hobbies in life, i was just too busy being me and committing to my interests. Sometimes i hold off dates just because i need to finish reading something over the weekend. This was actually me "liking" being alone, i was enjoying my own company - and i believe this was key. Though... i still dont know how i manage to get so many gfs before, now i can be single for months on end, even when i try to change that, lol. I think its because i am putting less time into them now. Link to comment
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