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She told someone she wanted to break up, now were on a break


rkings

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Were on a break and it feels horrible

 

Lately she went off her birth control and over our 4 year relationship that's happened here and there, we both hate condoms, me more than anything I'm sure, but lately because of this we had only had sex once or twice for a month, then next month as we were getting intimate she said she still didn't take her birth control. After this she started to cry and said we were drifting apart.

 

She said she wanted space and that we were drifting apart. I've been bored with myself, lately I got addicted to this video game and played way to much. She would be over and I would play while she was on her phone. I felt she was happy, we would make dinners and go to events here and there, but things defiantly weren't as romantic.

 

Anyway she got a msg a day later or so and I knew something was up, I checked her fb and saw she was talking to someone she knew and a couple weeks ago said she wanted to break up with me, but she didn't think she could do it.

 

I spoke to her and said I had no idea she felt so unhappy. I thought we were happy, we were still close with each other, snuggled close every night, were together lots, just both being lazy lately. We talked for a while and she left, agreeing to take space.

 

We saw each other a bit before the Christmas break, and the whole time she said she still wanted to do New Years together. New Years was good, but there was an air of uncertainty between us. I wrote her an email the day before, things I felt.

 

She said she never knew I wanted to live with her and that I wanted to spend my life with her. I felt we were living together basically, and that we essentially had the life we wanted together, I blame my lack of intimacy with her and that she felt I didn't love her.

 

She responded saying she is more confused than ever, but she still wants space. She said see each other once a week for this month and reevaluate.

 

I think I have to do something romantic, since I failed to show that to her. I wrote an email before our last evening together but hadn't sent it, knowing it might make her emotional and confused?

 

I love this girl, I have serious doubts about myself and finding a career, and she said she needs to feel pretty and sexy by herself., that I shouldn't have to be the one to tell her that. I know I screwed up by not showing her how I felt, but she said it was both our faults that we never talked, she had felt this way longer or more personally and I wish she brought it up, but I know how hard that can be.

 

It's hard to ask for advice from the internet, I guess I'm looking for general advice.

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There's no half-assing a relationship.

 

You don't need to be on a break. You need time away. Not this once a week thing. You guys really need to re-evaluate what each of you want, separately.

 

She needs to feel pretty? She sounds a little co-dependent with some self-confidence issues.

 

Just take some time a part. Say two weeks. NC. Then get together and talk.

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About a year ago she gained a bunch of weight, stopped taking care of herself to a degree, we were still close but both a bit unhappy, retail jobs getting old, and I thought it was because we weren't active enough together, and I said I wanted some time, that it would help us both. I made that comment out of the wish she would lose some weight, and that we could do something together that was active which I liked.

 

She told me in our emails recently that hurt her confidence and made her feel boring. I care about her, I know she prefers reading and using her phone to find stories and gossip, pictures and talk to her friends. I'm more actively inclined, but I'm happy playing sports once or twice a week and hanging our at home too, I truly am happy with spending my time like that, lately i was less active and more lazy, playing that video game but we were still together. I know a night a week I started to see her slightly less, and I wasted that time addicted with that game, sickening really.

 

I want to explain that to her, and show her I think she's beautiful.

 

She says she wants once a week, but I feel like I have to show her that, and time apart is going to push us apart, I messed up lately with that game, almost half a year

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Lately she went off her birth control and over our 4 year relationship that's happened here and there, we both hate condoms, me more than anything I'm sure, but lately because of this we had only had sex once or twice for a month

 

That seems rather immature. You rather forgo sex than put on a condom?

 

Also, she seems right about you two drifting apart. You admit you got lazy. As a result, your connection weakened and she just isn't feeling you anymore. Many women don't want to have sex if the emotional connection isn't there.

 

A break could help, but this sounds like relationship death by inertia. If that is the case, there is no coming back from that. Sometimes relationships run their course. Ask yourself if her absence is difficult because of force of habit? You're used to having her around. You take her for granted and don't want to/are scared to be alone.

 

If upon reflection of the matter you find you are passionately in-love with her and envision her as your wife then by all means pull out all the stops! Fight for her in good conscience.

 

But if you don't feel that passion and are unable to answer whether you want to marry her then let her go. You don't say how old you are but if you want her back out of habit you're wasting her time. You've already had 4 years with her and it has slid into a passionless affair. Let her find someone who is a better match.

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The thought of non contact sounds like too much for me, I tell myself think normal. Think I'm single and see how that feels, try and do what you want, but I want to share time with someone, with her obviously.

I understand the idea of depersonalizing in a relationship, but I don't think we need personalities, I think I have to show her how I feel and that's the real issue, time apart will solidify that for her?

 

It sounds stupid I guess

 

 

 

I do love her, and lately I've done a course with a career counsellor, I looked at all my goals and interests. I describes the life I have now with her. I've always wanted to live with her but didn't think she wanted to because she couldn't afford it or that because I have roommates she would feel welcome.

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It's been about 2-3 weeks since we talked. I've quit that game I played past 6 months, cold turkey and will not go back.

 

I've constantly been told I have to be true to myself in this time by my family and friends, and I've been writing my thoughts all the while, trying to think about our time together and how I felt. I discovered my time with her was more eventful, productive, loving. I've actually grown much more than I realized. Importantly I realized hope happy we were, and lately how we never talked about moving in, getting married, the future or our long term goals..

 

I love her, and I want to marry her, I've never been so serious about someone, I want to live with her before, I feel like that's just smart, but it's been 4 years and as I may or may not have said she's typically over most of te week, with an exception since I've been playing that game. So I could tell her that, but I don't want to say it now, I don't want her to think its for any insincere reason.

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