levie Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Hello all, Thank you all for all the good advice I have received (The backstory ) In short summary - I had posted questions Thanksgiving time - about a guy i was seeing for 3 months - and that I knew he was dating another girl. He invited me for Thanksgiving and I asked whether it meant someething - in the end - I had cooked the dinner - we had nice time. A week or two later - he invited me to a play with his friends from out of town - a traditional couple - he set them up in college and they ended up married ( a very nice story) - I went to a play with them, a day prior - to his other friends bday party - and a day after to brunch with the same couple. They had asked me why the guy isn't married - and I had told them - that sincerely - that I knew he was dating another girl at the same time - and that its not proper - and that he isn't serious. I asked them to keep my privacy. In the same evening - I finally had the courage to ask him what is going on - he told me he has "two girlfriends" - and that he isn't in love with either one and it isnt serious. I said - well - your attention is on two people - why don't you just go with the other girl - and leave me? He said - he wants to spend time with me too. I said - then why don't you try relationship with me? He said - he's used to being on his own - and cannot spend more than two days with either one of us. (flattering i know I said in that case we can only be friends After, he invited me to Christmas party he wanted to host with me - I declined - and I flew to see my family. I am still with them for New Years and the week after. He was texting me asking for cooking advice for his party (I am quite talented in that I know). After the dinner - I asked him how it went? And I received no answer.- fine - as far as I am concerned the relationship in whatever form it was - has been over. (/The backstory) However, in the last two days - something strange has happened - he and I (and the other girl) - share instagram. He had started posting pictures with the other girl and having dinner with her and video of her and his friends. Is he showing off? He has been very hidden about it before even when he and I or he and she went out. In fact I think I have pictures of him and me together before. He told me she was very jealous of me. Is he doing this out of spite? He specifically knows I see his feed. Is he trying to hurt me somehow? Is he trying to make me jealous? - this girl isn't someone i'd be jealous of - she isn't my level. I don't really understand. Do you guys have any idea? Thank yous Link to comment
stuka80 Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 how about you stop caring and move on? any other advice would just prolong this drama Link to comment
Romeo November Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 He is doing it to spite you and he is using you for your cooking knowledge. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 He told you about the other girl and you bowed out. Why should he hide her any more? And why should you care? Forget him, move on and find a guy who will focus on you and you alone. Link to comment
levie Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 haha i'm done with him - I defriend him on instagram - i don't need more drama. I just didn't get why he wanted me to see what i already know? why the showoff? (well i suppose i still care why he wants me to be emotionally involved in whatever capacity) Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 He posts photos of them because he can. They are dating and if you dumped him, she is his only gf now, so why not? Anyway, you should remove him from your feed. Link to comment
levie Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 yes i know he can - but he has no other friends to post her pictures for - just me and two other people. I dumped him - but I was very polite about it - going out with a man - after official conversation where he said - he wants "polyamory" is not appropriate. And - a woman who respects herself should have done the same. I am not understanding why he is being extraordinarily rude to me - intentionally. Link to comment
starstarstar Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Hey, it does sound like it's a bit all of a sudden!!! which could mean that he is trying to make you feel jealous. He has probably gone into panic mode as he realized you knew your worth more than to get into his love triangle. He may feel revengeful or feel intimidated by it as he still likes you. Still be the same with him as a friend but move on.... If he doesn't reply to you, leave him to contact you next, don't invest/expect too much from the friendship right now, get on with your own thing and keep yourself active. You are doing the right thing, you were honest with him, he has to know what he wants and chose one girl and if not, respect how you feel. Now there are plenty more fish in the sea, so you have options and he probably knows this lol If i was you i would hide any of his posts from yourself so you don't have to keep seeing it, this way you can move on easier and he will see it doesn't get to you xxx Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 I don't see that he's being super rude. I mean, you knew all along that he was seeing another woman... Link to comment
starstarstar Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 awww if you knew from the beginning that he had a girl its a shame that you started seeing him in the first place. If he has another women, move on and in the future if you know a guy has another women, stay clear and meet a single guy instead. Its not fair on anyone, especially the girl he first chose to start dating/seeing and it complicates everything Link to comment
savignon Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 I don't think posting pictures on Instagram even COMPARES in rudeness to saying "I have two girlfriends. I can't spend more than two days in a row with either one of you. Wanna come over for Christmas dinner?" He's been super crystal clear that he is not a one woman guy ...hasn't been, isn't and won't be. His pictures shouldn't surprise you in the least. Its who he is and you knew who he was the whole time. I'm glad you deleted him. You don't need to know what he's up to, although it was your decision to remain "friends" with someone who treats you and even tells you you're an option in his weekly rotation. Link to comment
goodheartlady Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 I am sorry for everything you went through. It is crystal clear this man was not for you. What he does and does not do should no longer hold you back Link to comment
levie Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 awww if you knew from the beginning that he had a girl its a shame that you started seeing him in the first place Ah I didn't know he was dating another woman. I found out he was dating another girl maybe 2 weeks into knowing him. I had a conversation 3 months. From what I saw he met her 1 week before he met me. Thats why I didn't discuss exclusivity right away - I wanted to give it time. I would never date someone who already had a gf, but it wasn't so in this case. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 You thought he was going to pick you over her and you are upset that he didn't. Link to comment
levie Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 You thought he was going to pick you over her and you are upset that he didn't. When I kept up with it for that time - I thought that "picking" is the case - originally. I misunderstood what was happening. He didn't choose either. He wants both. Its not a competition between the other girl and I, the issue is him - he wants "polyamory". As a matter of self-respect - I leave the situation. The other girl isn't a winner in this case by default of me leaving, she's a loser both in terms of her time and respect - she's investing hopes in someone who does not value her., he's still on a dating site - he's open to dating other people. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 I don't think there's a winner or loser. She might be okay with being part of a crowd and doesn't consider herself a loser at all, nor should you judge her/think anything of her. She can do whatever she wants, as can he and as can you. You've made the choice that feels the most self-respecting (the same choice I would make). If its not a competition, you don't need to call her a loser. Link to comment
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