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Why has she lost interest?


whattodowhattodo

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A few crib-notes to avoid a lengthy post:

 

-5 dates, including a couple of all dayers, in about 3 weeks

-She initiated most conversation (pretty much every day), I replied and called to arrange dates but left it at that

-Lots of physical affection, making out blah blah on dates, and conversation effortless

-I meet her friends

-It gets late on last date and I miss last train, so she invites me to stay on sofa ("too early for sex" - her words)

-She leaves for a few weeks over Xmas and New Year. All seemed good when I left morning after last date.

-She deletes OLD profile after going away

-Her contact goes down to pretty much zero. I send a few messages a few days apart and she replies promptly with short answers, clearly not wanting to continue conversation other than one occasion where there is some banter and she asks questions back and agrees when I suggest it would be good to meet up when she gets back

 

I know she is away and probably busy, but that I've noticed her on Facebook IM a lot which suggests she just doesn't have the desire to keep any kind of conversation going with me right now. Am I overanalysing by thinking this indicates that for some reason she is having second thoughts? Why would not just say if she lost interest, instead of polite, curt, and generally uninterested responses to communication I initiate (which aren't excessive - every three or four days)? Why agree it would be good to meet again if it seems she isn't really that keen?

 

Should I stop all contact now, and see if she gets in touch with me again?

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To answer your question...no don't stop contact altogether. She may just be busy or with friends that she hasn't told about you yet. I know when I'm with family my dating life goes on the back burner b/c I don't need my nosey parents asking "who are you texting/talking to?" So I end up not contacting anyone much. It could be as simple as that. She agreed to meet up when she returns so I say take her word on that and continue to contact her every couple days just to say hello and let he know you are thinking of her. Don't take short replies too personally and see what happens when she gets back.

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Wow this sucks, I don't like to hear stories like this especially after 5 dates and being physical with each other. But the hard truth is when someone stop calling or responding they are not busy it means that they are dealing with someone else 95% of the time.

 

hopefully I'm wrong but you just have that feeling when someone loses interest for some reason.

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Either she is wrapped up in some sort of family drama for the holidays, happens, and it's just that she's not in a particularly chatty mood for you since you aren't around OR she may have met someone else. At five dates you guys aren't exclusive and although it seems all good life and other people are still sometimes the bigger draw. See what happens when she gets back, but in the meantime go out and have fun and don't pin all your hopes on this girl. She may or may not be as available as she has been and I'm sorry, but that's one of the hazards of dating sometimes.

 

Have a great New Year though, it's full of possibility so don't let this one bump in the road bring you down.

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Either she is wrapped up in some sort of family drama for the holidays, happens, and it's just that she's not in a particularly chatty mood for you since you aren't around OR she may have met someone else. At five dates you guys aren't exclusive and although it seems all good life and other people are still sometimes the bigger draw. See what happens when she gets back, but in the meantime go out and have fun and don't pin all your hopes on this girl. She may or may not be as available as she has been and I'm sorry, but that's one of the hazards of dating sometimes.

 

Have a great New Year though, it's full of possibility so don't let this one bump in the road bring you down.

 

 

You are not exclusive after 5 dates? If not then there should be some discussion about it

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Yeah, it does sound like there may well be someone else doesn't it...

 

If this is the case, why not just be up front about it? She doesn't need to mention the other guy, just either stop replying to my communication or say politely that she doesn't see this going anywhere, instead of stringing things along. Isn't this just common courtesy when she must know I like her?

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Wait until she's back and you can talk in person. Right now, you can't be sure if she's lost interest or something else happened.

 

Yes i agree, check in once and a while with her while she is away, noting too pressurized. Be easy going and charming but don't be clingy as it looks a bit disparate.

 

When she gets back you can assess how she is with you when you next go out, hopefully its nothing and she is just busy or as you are not exclusive she may have other guys interested. So if it ends up being good when you see her maybe tell her you like her and would like to be exclusive.

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There is no indication that she has lost interest altogether, but just that she isn't maybe as interested right now. It's the holidays, so she's probably busy with friends and family. Plus, people are often more enthusiastic in the beginning but it isn't realistic to keep that level of contact up all of the time, especially when it's a busy time of year, like Christmas.

 

I say continue as normal and you'll find out when your lives return to normal. Sure, your feelings could be correct and she might not be as interested anymore but if that's the case then you haven't lost anything by not freaking out now, in fact you'll save yourself this stress! Dating is hard and you need to make sure your confidence is high and your skin is thick!

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Yeah, it does sound like there may well be someone else doesn't it...

 

If this is the case, why not just be up front about it? She doesn't need to mention the other guy, just either stop replying to my communication or say politely that she doesn't see this going anywhere, instead of stringing things along. Isn't this just common courtesy when she must know I like her?

 

You are asking us about her motivations for not communicating. Do you see the irony? It's just as easy for you to communicate your confusion and ask for what you want.

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So, a week later and no contact, though she hasn't been online since the weekend.

 

I'm thinking I should probably reach out and suggest a date, and then I'll be able to judge whether she is interested in continuing to see me, or wants to call it quits based on response and enthusiasm.

 

Should I do this now whilst she's still away, or wait until she's back? Ideally I'd like meet her ASAP after she returns to avoid this situation dragging on (which would necessitate me arranging in advance, whilst she's still away) but would it be better to wait until she is back even if this means I don't meet her until a week or so after she returns to avoid seeming to keen etc?

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So, a week later and no contact, though she hasn't been online since the weekend.

 

I'm thinking I should probably reach out and suggest a date, and then I'll be able to judge whether she is interested in continuing to see me, or wants to call it quits based on response and enthusiasm.

 

Should I do this now whilst she's still away, or wait until she's back? Ideally I'd like meet her ASAP after she returns to avoid this situation dragging on (which would necessitate me arranging in advance, whilst she's still away) but would it be better to wait until she is back even if this means I don't meet her until a week or so after she returns to avoid seeming to keen etc?

 

 

I would just send a text with "massage" in it and I bet she responds since it's random and confusing

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