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Why does he ignore me?


luna90

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It's been 3 weeks since the break up. We had been dating for 5 months, and things were great, but I had doubts because of the distance (we live some hours apart), I told him about that and he got upset and broke up with me, and has been ignoring me since.

 

I tried to be strong and not give in to begging and pleading, but at Christmas eve and new year eve I couldn't control my impulses anymore and sent him some text about how I have been missing him and I wish we could talk. I even sent him a link to "all I want for Christmas" by Mariah Charey (yeah I know, but I was honest).

 

I just don't understand why he would ignore me like that when the break up was not a bad one (it was not a fight or name calling etc. He just broke up and hung up on me). I know, he does not sound that into me, but then why couldn't he just told me he did not want anything to do with me when I tried to talk to him? When he dated me I felt we were on the same wavelength, I felt appreciated and I was introduced to his family and his son, and we had plans for Christmas together, how can he just trow it away like that?

 

He is 30 years old, and I'm 23, I just think that this break up is so childish.

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Ya, a five month relationship is really nothing. He is moving on with him life most likely. Heck I dated a guy for a year and half and was over him within two months of the break up.

 

He is not being childish. He is being mature and not engaging with you because he doesn't want the drama. Nor are you entitled to have him talk to you.

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I had doubts because of the distance (we live some hours apart), I told him about that and he got upset and broke up with me, and has been ignoring me since.

 

This is why he is not reaching out any longer. You made the point that distance was a problem for you and he's nipping the problem in the bud.

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I agree there's no more reason for him to engage with you if you thought the distance precluded a serious relationship. At his age if he has a son and job he knows where his life is going to be (near his child/job/family/career) and if he knows things can't go forward, there's no reason to keep revisiting it.

I agree that he has the mature outlook and the standard after a breakup is to not keep in touch.

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It's a bit more complicated than that. The thing is, I'm going to study next year, and I really was considering moving to his town so we could be together if things where moving forward. But I just did not know how much he felt about me, if he felt as strong for me as I did to him. I am really afraid to get stringed along, I had an ex who was stringing me along and that's NOT going to happen to me ever again!

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Well, in that case you should be even more grateful that he let you know NOW and didn't string you along. I know its painful but he's doing you a favor. He walked away pretty easily which says a lot about what he thought of your relationship/what you meant to him/what kind of future he saw. Painful as it is, I'd be thanking my stars...especially since you don't want to be strung along again.

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I don't think a 5 month relationship is nothing. I think the hardest thing about some of these shorter relationships is that you are mourning the death of "what could have been." Then I see some people get out of an 8 year relationship that's been crappy for the last 4 years, and they seem relieved and ready to move right now.

 

My take is that maybe he expected you to move closer to him, not him to you (particularly because you are younger and don't have a child). Do you think he interpreted you voicing your concerns as expecting him to move closer to you? and then he was like "no thanks..." Either way, I think he could have talked to you about it, and not just ignored you. That's not really cool.

 

Maybe he thought you were breaking up with him, so he decided to beat you to the punch? Pride is a crappy thing.

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what does it matter, he broke up with you. collect what you learned, throw away what doesn't add, and move on. his reason why only he knows - what you need to know and understand is he doesn't want to be with you anymore. and the problem is him, not you.

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+1

yeah I think that he thought you were letting him down slowly so he decided to cut it clean.

 

That's what I was thinking, but I have told him that I wanted to move to his town, but I should have told him that before I told him about my concerns about the distance thing. So it's nothing I can do about it anymore. If this is about "hurt pride", then he will regret that sooner or later, but chances are it will be too late then.

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That's what I was thinking, but I have told him that I wanted to move to his town, but I should have told him that before I told him about my concerns about the distance thing. So it's nothing I can do about it anymore. If this is about "hurt pride", then he will regret that sooner or later, but chances are it will be too late then.

Yes all you can do now is move on and if he dumped you on a whim then it is likely he will regret it.

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If he was that into you he would contact you. You need to let go, he understood that distance was a problem and probably thought about how much the relationship meant to him. He may have also have thought you were not that into him, but you have tried to let him know and he hasn't responded. Leave him now, stop contacting him and move on. There is no point in pursuing it any further as he is ignoring you. heal your wounds and move on.

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If he was that into you he would contact you. You need to let go, he understood that distance was a problem and probably thought about how much the relationship meant to him. He may have also have thought you were not that into him, but you have tried to let him know and he hasn't responded.

 

I agree. Ignoring you, no matter the reason, indicates ultimately he's not that into you.

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That's what I was thinking, but I have told him that I wanted to move to his town, but I should have told him that before I told him about my concerns about the distance thing. So it's nothing I can do about it anymore. If this is about "hurt pride", then he will regret that sooner or later, but chances are it will be too late then.

 

Perhaps that scared him and when he saw a chance to end things, he did. I would guess he's not ready for a serious relationship or someone making major life changes that he could perceive being 'about him', even if they weren't. It sounds like he took the easy way out and you realize you're better off for it.

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Perhaps that scared him and when he saw a chance to end things, he did. I would guess he's not ready for a serious relationship or someone making major life changes that he could perceive being 'about him', even if they weren't. It sounds like he took the easy way out and you realize you're better off for it.

 

I agree. If anything, I think your SERIOUSNESS scared him.

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Well, I think that just making this tread and read all the comments has helped me in the healing process. I begin to just not care anymore why he cut all communication without telling me his side.

 

But I the funny thing is, he claimed he always was 100% honest and not afraid to tell people the hurtful truth. I think he should have told me if he was not that into me a long time ago and not lie about his feelings then. But then again, my theory is that no one is 100% honest all the time.

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I'm going to recommend that you don't hang onto posts that make you feel you made a mistake by voicing your conserns or that you were the one that caused this to end. He quickly agreed in action that he was also concerned about about the distance thing by breaking up with you which tells me that he was having just as many doubts as you were and when you gave him an out, he took it.

 

Shame on him for introducing you to his children so soon and before he's established that you and he are going to make good mates for the long run,too.

 

You're better off without him by the looks of things so put it behind you and stop trying to contact him. Find someone close by that is around your own age and has had similar experiences. (no children for instance). Good luck. he's not meant to be your LIFEpartner so don't sweat it anymore.

 

I agree. Ignoring you, no matter the reason, indicates ultimately he's not that into you.
It's not just that. We tell people every single day to go No Contact so that it helps with healing. We are telling her to do that now. Ignoring you just doesn't mean that he's not into you. It also could mean that he knows your both better off just working the tools needed to get to the stage of indifference to one another and he's actually doing you a favour by not responding.
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^If he was having doubts about the distance, jumped on the opportunity to end it, and starting ignoring her = it's a clear indication he's not that into you.

 

I wouldn't listen to any advice that just says as a blanket - "we tell people every single day to go no contact so that it helps with healing." That's pretty out of context. I have personally never told some dumper to break up with someone suddenly on the phone, hang up on them, and ignore their attempts to talk to you. That's silly.

 

I would say that given that he ended it and is ignoring you, yes, he wasn't into you enough to work through the doubts. But I think, ultimately, the best thing is that you no longer care.

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