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I feel so hopeless today :(


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I realized that I don't want my ex back. I love him very much but he left me for things that could easily have been solved if he wanted to. And a month later he was dating someone else, so I think he met her while he was with me. I was his first girlfriend so he probably wanted to see what else was out there. And I don't want to be anyone's second choice. He never mentioned anything about getting back together but if he ever does, I know it would be a terrible idea for my self esteem and it wouldn't last. I even started to remember the things I didn't like about him and stopped idealizing him. We were together for more than 3 years and I only saw his parents once. He never really tried to make me a part of his family. And he said he was very sad because he wanted to live with me but he couldn't because he worked with his father and didn't make a lot of money. But he never tried to find a better job to accomplish that. My salary wasn't enough for the both of us but if only he could tried finding a better job, we probably could have lived together. So I realized that, even he said all the time that he wanted to live with me and merry me, that were just words. He didn't really care about our relationship to make it work.

 

But what's really hurting me is the fact that we were so compatible. Yesterday I went to a party with the only friend I have. It was new years eve and I thought I should get out of my house. Since the last few months were terrible, I didn't want to start the year feeling miserable. But when I was in that party I felt really bad. I didn't like the music and the people there were sooo different from me. And I got really scared. With my ex we had so much in common. We could talk about music, movies, art, philosophy and so many other things. I learnt so much next to him and vice versa. We could talk for hours about everything, and used to laugh a lot.

 

And that party made me feel so lonely. I don't think I'll ever meet someone like him, I don't think I'll find that connection again.

 

As I said, I don't want to get back with him. I want to be with someone that loves me and wants to stay with me, not someone that gives up on our relationship and broke my heart like he did. But the idea of not finding someone that I could feel that comfortable with and have some many things in common it scares me. I even stopped doing things I like because I lost my partner. I lost the person that would enjoy doing those things with me. And doing those things alone just make me feel more lonely.

 

And I'm very shy and insecure. I can't just get out and meet people.

I have no hope.

 

Any advice?

thanks and sorry for my poor english

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I have felt exactly the same for the last few days.. And if I do find someone else who I am equally attracted to and can have a good connection with then I'm scared I can't give myself 100% anymore bc my trust in people has been damaged. One day you can have this great relationship, everything you ever wanted, and the next it could all be gone, for no particular reason.. So I am also curious as to what advice you people have for this kind of problems..

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There is always another person for us out there...the problem is finding them

 

I too am very shy and don't go out much. I don't particularly like places with loud music and lots of people. But hey there is always tomorrow. Just hang in there. Take care of the garden and the butterflies will come to you

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I have felt exactly the same for the last few days.. And if I do find someone else who I am equally attracted to and can have a good connection with then I'm scared I can't give myself 100% anymore bc my trust in people has been damaged. One day you can have this great relationship, everything you ever wanted, and the next it could all be gone, for no particular reason.. So I am also curious as to what advice you people have for this kind of problems..

 

This is why people advise to be happy alone. To feel complete by yourself before joining with someone else. Why? Because when/if they abandon you, you won't hit rock bottom.

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I know. I'm trying to focus on myself and I enjoy being alone but I miss having someone in my life to talk about everything, enjoy each other's company, that kind of stuff. And I miss the kisses, hugs and having someone that loves me like he did... I think I lost that forever.

I hope time helps. Even if I never have a boyfriend again, maybe in the future I can be ok with that

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Loss is never easy.. when you come to lose someone you loved. It is VERY painful, i know

 

This is a 'change' in your life at this time and a difficult one. What we're trying to do is re-adjust ourselves to life *without* them again.

Yes, having to face many things alone.. I understand it is hard.

 

But also remember, you were okay before him.. you'll be okay again..after him. It's just a big, sad, change.

 

Give it time... take your time to adjust and accept. Nothing more we can do...

 

Take care... one day at a time.

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Yes, I was okay before him. But just okay. After I met him I learnt what love was like and I was happy. I think I'll be okay again, what I'm not sure about is if I'll ever feel that happiness again.

 

Thank you for your words. It's been 3 months since the break up and still hurts a lot. I'm making some progress but we were together for more than 3 years so I know I still have a long way to go. I just wish I could find some peace.

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I know. I'm trying to focus on myself and I enjoy being alone but I miss having someone in my life to talk about everything, enjoy each other's company, that kind of stuff. And I miss the kisses, hugs and having someone that loves me like he did... I think I lost that forever.

 

If you have such a negative view, then it makes it even harder to find someone else.

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Yes, dealing with a LTR, it does take a while. 5 yrs for me.. on month 9 recovering....

 

If you feel you may need some 'help' you can always talk to your doctor about something for depression if u think you're dealing with that - some end up quite depressed.

Or anxiety...

Some counselling/therapy doesn't hurt either. Any help is a good thing while we 'try' and get ourselves and lives together again.

 

tc

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Yes, I think I'm depressed. And I'll start therapy in a few weeks, I hope that helps me to put some things in order.

 

Thank you very much. You also had helped me giving me your advice in the other threads I opened. I wish you the best with your recovery.

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