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Love of my life left me for another guy


Aguyandhisdog

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Any sort of advice would be helpful. My girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago, we dated for 6 years and I was about to propose in december. We had a great relationship I was 23 when we first started dating she was 22. We lived together for 5 years. we had little fights here and there over nonsense but nothing ever really that big and we always made up right away, we did everything together and she loved me like crazy even up until the last month of us together she was telling me how much she could not wait to get married and kept calling her parents my inlaws. She was my everything, then out of the blue she told me she needed some space and time to think because she felt like I could not offer security in the future. I repected her space and told her I would do anything to take care of her in the future (im a waiter and she is a waitress as well) Im working towards a future in production and she is going to school still. She came back home after three weeks of not seeing me and told me how much she loved me and wanted to be with me and then we had passionate wild romantic sex for two days, it was like the passion we had when we first started dating it was magical. then she disappeared the next day again and I called her and asked her whats going on and she broke up with me and said coldly that she does not love me and does not want to be with me anymore and that we had to move out of the house we were renting. I was devastated because two days prior to that she was telling me how much she loved me. I asked if it was another guy and she swore up and down it was not, she put it all on me that I was not going anywhere in life and that i was not motivated enough. Which made me feel like crap because none of that is true i was making the biggest strides in my career and life at that point. I found out a month later that one day after she left me she was dating some guy that makes a bunch of money and has a steady career. I asked her about him and she said it just happened but then i found out that they were seeing each other before she left me. We were bestfriends and lovers for 6 years and had a dog together that we both loved which i kept, and a house together, my question is how can she just throw a 6 year perfectly happy relationship away like that just because she had a crush on a guy with money. I know there are signs that you can see before something like this but honestly i only got signs a week before she pulled the it you not me card. I still love her after 3 months and I cant let go some part of me wants her to realize that she screwed up and come running back to me.

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That's life for ya. People are complete F* sometimes. I too dated a girl for 3 years that left me out of the blue. Just like you, a week before dumping me, she said "I can't wait to move in with you and start living together". And again like you, I asked if there was another guy...She swore her life but I actually don't want to know if there is or not.

 

First off, "Love" "my life" and "left me" don't go along. If she was the love of your life, she would not have done what she did. At least not in the way she did. It was completely disrespectful and childish.

 

Start to move on buddy. It's hard and it's a long road. But stay with us.

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Some people are not capable of true love and faithfulness. She's a liar and a cheater and isn't worthy of someone like you that possesses those traits. She's opportunistic and a gold digger- you should be with someone that values you no matter what- through the good times, the in-between, and especially the rough ones. What she has done to you is truly cruel, calculating, and vile. Her sleazy actions show what she truly is- someone with no loyalty and who has cheapened herself for what she perceives is a better meal ticket. You can and will do so much better. I am sorry for the pain and heartache you are going through. Hugs and may the new year bring you healing, better people in your life, and happiness.

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....I know there are signs that you can see before something like this but honestly i only got signs a week before she pulled the it you not me card. I still love her after 3 months and I cant let go some part of me wants her to realize that she screwed up and come running back to me.

 

 

Today, right now, find a copy of Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships and start reading it. Excellent sociology book on how relationships end and, ultimately, what the partner who's been left can do to get the initiator back - though it isn't really about "how to"...but it is. Sort of. It's heartbreaking, eye opening, and empowering.

 

One of the things it can do is point out the subtle signs a partner is beginning to leave, signs you didn't notice. It's really good in that way.

 

I also recommend you check out Al Turtle's website (link removed). Best relationship website ever.

 

Good luck...And, yeah, you deserve better.

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Oh, and you want her to realize she screwed up? You need a devious plan of revenge. No, don't spray paint her car or spread rumors about her...so juvenile. You need the ultimate revenge: Become the best version of yourself. Go live your life out loud. Become the one who got away. That's what I did and it worked all too well. My ex won't top sniffing around, though I moved on.

 

I can't tell you how important personal change is to re-attracting someone and making them eat their heart out. Here are some things you can consider:

 

Start working out or work out heavier. It'll get your endorphins up and you'll feel more confident.

 

Throw out all your ugly clothes and wear only those things that make you feel confident. Buy only classic clothes and shoes. Speaking of shoes, I hope you're not one of those men who wears athletic shoes whenever possible - buy some great casual shoes and dressier shoes - versatility is key.

 

Rethink your hair (including facial hair). Let it grow a bit or get it cut. You'll want to get a professional to advise you on this. If you run into your ex socially, you can give her a visual cue that you're changing simply by changing your part or combing it straight back until you make the decision on how to make the bigger change.

 

Volunteer in your community in a non-profit cause you believe in, even if it's only a few hours a month. Very important, actually. It will help you build more compassion for your fellow man. Very sexy.

 

Learn something new. For me it was taking cello lessons. For you, could be cooking lessons, learning to speak French, painting. Mastering something new helps build confidence and makes you fascinating. (Who doesn't feel a blow to their confidence when left? Normal.)

 

Go on an adventure. Weekend road trip, big trip somewhere, even a day exploring a new town just an hour away.

 

Join a team (like intramural sports - here in Seattle, easy to find). Softball, volleyball, kickball, doesn't matter. You'll instantly meet new, interesting people and have something new to do each week for awhile. Not into sports? Could be a film club or something. Check out meet-ups in your area that sound like something you might enjoy.

 

Once a week, go find a new restaurant, bar, park, or another place you've never been in your community. It keeps things fresh.

 

Make a point of calling an old friend or relative at least once a week and getting together with him or her - go have a coffee or drink, hit a bucket of balls at the driving range, running. Get out of your head for a bit by just goofing around.

 

Ultimately, this is all about you now, not her. You don't have to be wealthy to be fascinating. You just need to really get into your life and experience everything it has to offer.

 

You're a waiter. Is that your passion? Do you know a lot about wine? Do you want to become a wine expert? That would be really cool.

 

Don't worry about what she says...you'll find out in Uncoupling that she's finding excuses to justify her behavior. After all, one has to have a reason to leave a good man - the excuses can come out of thin air.

 

Also, you don't want to be in communication with her. At least use limited contact and respond only when she initiates contact. You want to develop an air of mystery and create curiosity on her part. Be vague when and if she does speak to you. Turn the conversation back to her, whenever possible. When she asks for details, answer briefly. She needs to miss you and what you had...and she will. But don't take her back immediately. She needs to earn your trust back, if that's even possible.

 

Wait...one more thing. Read this, because if you want her back, you have to know it's possible: link removed

 

You'll move on when you're ready and not a moment before. Don't listen to people who tell you what you "have to do". Do what is right for you. Give up when you're ready. When you realize you deserve better and want to find it with someone who's worthy of your love, I'll tell you about that plan. (Remarkably similar to the plan to make her eat her heart out.)

 

Good luck!

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How long had she been expressing her dissatisfaction about where you are in your life? Had she been making comments to you about production school, the uncertainty in the film industry? I think if you think back, she has been dropping hints on you for some time, certainly to when she first met the goon she's with now. You may not have been listening for it, but she's probably had her foot outside the door for some time now.

 

Whatever you do, do not allow her access to yourself any more. Block her on everything and do not let her near the dog. Do not agree to be her friend or meet her for coffee or any other weak, breadcrumb bs she's going to throw in your path.

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As was stated earlier, the "love of your life" won't ever leave you and will love you until the end. My guess is there's another guy, as "I need space" is just a line for "I have someone else and I need to see if it works out."

 

You're still young, you'll meet the "love of your life" one day.

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Sorry to hear of your loss... 6 yrs is a lot of time invested. I understand your loss and pains.... Many do, here.

 

It will take a while for you to 'accept' what has happened and be able to move on. You will go thru the emotions of anger, heartache, lonliness, confusion, sadness etc. Loss is NEVER easy.

 

Take it all one day at a time.. work on yourself and in next few months, things will start to change and ease off on you.

 

If she's decided to act like this? Let her.. let her go do her thing, whether it be a 'rebound' , whatever. Is her life and her choice. In time, she may come to her senses on what she did have and have some second thoughts/regrets etc... but always remember, YOU tried.. and this is her loss..right?

 

It is hard to lose someone you came to love.. we understand you. It is shocking to experience this.. yes.

 

take is easy... one day at a time.

Stick with us.. this place is good to read, follow & understand many other stories of pain, loss & much like your own.

 

take care..

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You know, this is nearly identical to what happened to me, minus the cheating part. Same reason for leaving too. Also there is another guy she's been fooling around with, as much as she denies it. I know because I went through her voxer account, which she spends hours on, and found pretty explicit chats to a coworker of ours. I also read that she really liked me at one point, but also forced to stay with me so she wouldn't feel an ounce of pain.

 

I am extremely angry and sad, but I still care about her. My advice is if you truly care for her, just let her be. I would give anything to see her happy, even if it meant letting her go her own direction. If things work out, that's great.

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