erection problems

[jamesfranco]

6 months ago my wife cheated on me. It was a one time thing with a friend of hers while they were both incredibly drunk and from what she told me the incident lasted only a few seconds and moments after penetration she ran out of the room crying over what she had done. After 12 years of marriage I can honestly say that I believe her that this is what happened because she has never lied to me before. Since then she has ceased all forms of communication with him and we have done the best to repair our marriage but I have developed a problem which I can't overcome.

 

She is a beautiful woman and I love her to pieces but since the incident I can't maintain an erection during intercourse or any form of contact. I can obtain an erection with no problems but just prior to ejaculation I will lose my erection and it won't come back no matter how much we try. If I leave the room and she is not around my erection will return and I can "finish". I am afraid that this will continue to happen and will create a problem for us. At the moment I have made excuses to my wife that I just have not been feeling well and have made changes to my diet to improve the situation. I am very scared that I will not overcome this have no idea what to do.

 

How do I clear my head and just make things go back to normal? I don't want to leave my wife. I just want our life back.

[Kendahke]

You may need to talk with someone about this. There is a level of anger which is interfering which needs addressing and resolving.

 

Do you forgive your wife for the transgression?

[jamesfranco]

I agree with you. I haven't spoken a word about what had happened to anyone. Not even a friend. I am embarrassed and I don't want anyone to know about it. My wife and I have talked and whenever we do the pain goes away for awhile

 

I do forgive my wife but I am having a hard time letting go.

[Johnny Utah]

More talk with your wife. More patience. Don't build it up in your head. The intimacy is more important than the sex and this is a sign that you still hold onto resentment regardless of what you say.

[Kendahke]

I agree with you. I haven't spoken a word about what had happened to anyone. Not even a friend. I am embarrassed and I don't want anyone to know about it. My wife and I have talked and whenever we do the pain goes away for awhile

 

I do forgive my wife but I am having a hard time letting go.

 

I'm talking about a therapist, not one of your boys or worse, some other woman.

[jamesfranco]

I'm talking about a therapist, not one of your boys or worse, some other woman.

 

I have made arrangements to speak to a therapist. I spoke to my wife about the issues I am having and she suspected that as the problem.

[Kendahke]

I have made arrangements to speak to a therapist. I spoke to my wife about the issues I am having and she suspected that as the problem.

 

well done.

 

Yes, she is the problem. Her cheating is the problem here.

 

She gets no gold stars for coming to that easy conclusion.

[Edmund Exley]

This is the very reason if I were to gain knowledge that a partner cheated on me I would end things for good. I wouldn't be able to look past it and resume intimacy.

[John John]

This is the very reason if I were to gain knowledge that a partner cheated on me I would end things for good. I wouldn't be able to look past it and resume intimacy.

 

I agree. The same goes if someone led me on, broke my heart, and then wanted to get back together. I could never get past it and feel uninhibited enough to be intimate with a girl like that.

[shelty24]

I wouldn't either but OP has made his decision. He has no intention of leaving her and that is his choice.

 

OP you cannot keep it all bottled up inside though. It has to come out. You cannot deal with it otherwise. Speak to a therapist alone first and then seek couples counselling. If you want any hope of saving this-its gonna take a lot of work and help/support

 

sorry your hurting. (Hugs) and good luck

[jamesfranco]

I wouldn't either but OP has made his decision. He has no intention of leaving her and that is his choice.

 

OP you cannot keep it all bottled up inside though. It has to come out. You cannot deal with it otherwise. Speak to a therapist alone first and then seek couples counselling. If you want any hope of saving this-its gonna take a lot of work and help/support

 

sorry your hurting. (Hugs) and good luck

 

Thank you for your advice and I also appreciate the advice of Kendahke. I was also like a few others who posted stating they would never forgive infidelity but when you are with the same person for 12 years your opinion in the situation changes. I want to be angry and leave but when I hear her footsteps approach the door I am so happy she is home. When I get angry about the incident and I tell her that I need space and she cries her eyes out in my arms I find peace. When I find my mind wander towards women in my past and I know I can create a relationship with them it leaves me feeling sorrow.

 

I don't know how to heal from this but I truly wish that I can heal with the person I am with. I know it would be easier to walk away but I can't.

 

Jesus..... It's strange how a forum post about "broken man parts" can make you realize how complicated life is.

 

Therapy session starts next week. I bought a camping bag and a tent and snow shoes for the mountain top I will climb in 2 days. Not a metaphor

[Audrinaa]

This is very important to your healing : Is your wife seeking counselling and doing the work to figure out WHY she cheated? There is a why and she has to figure it out to prevent this from happening again.

 

I am sorry but 6 months out of infidelity, there is no way you are "over" this and it is coming out in the bedroom.

The trust has been broken.

 

 

What is your wife doing to make you feel secure in this marriage?