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Why can’t girls just say no when they don’t want to go out with you?

mrfloydian

By mrfloydian
in Dating Advice

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mrfloydian Rookie

mrfloydian

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I asked this woman out recently who I actually thought liked me back, given all the back and forth flirting, but as soon as I asked if she wanted to go out, she shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know, I have to think about it, maybe later, can I get back to you?”

What does it mean she will get back to me? As guys, we can tell it means no I’m not interested. But why must women dress it up and give it some sense of hope? When I was younger, it used to give me some encouragement but I ended up getting rejected further. I’ve learned from MY mistakes!

I’m USED to rejection and so should every guy so why can’t women say something like, “No thanks, but I’m flattered.” Or “I’m seeing someone else.” or something that gives a definite NO.

I don’t understand women and I probably never will.

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missmarple Grand Master

missmarple

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Maybe she does have to think about it. Maybe she's seeing someone else but likes you, too. Maybe she's not sure if she likes you enough. Maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe she's too busy. Or maybe she was flirting with you just for the sake of flirting without any intention to take things further.

When did this happen?

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stuka80 Enthusiast

stuka80

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I actually also just asked out a girl recently after heavy flirting back and forth but she was straightforward with me which i appreciated, could be that she's not American and also is just 7 months into this country so where she comes from could be a factor. She turned me down (of course lol) when i asked her if i could take her out on a date, "We cannot date, but we can be friends" she replied, in which i just smiled, nodded and accepted though in my head i was thinking "sorry i can't be friends with girls i'm interested in dating" but left it at that.

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Throwaway999 Contributor

Throwaway999

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Maybe she does have to think about it. Maybe she's seeing someone else but likes you, too. Maybe she's not sure if she likes you enough. Maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe she's too busy. Or maybe she was flirting with you just for the sake of flirting without any intention to take things further.

When did this happen?

 

The "why" doesn't really matter, does it? Bottom line is, she wasn't interested, or she would have said yes. The rest is unnecessary details.

 

I think some women have been taught that the male ego is so fragile that it can't handle a straightforward "no" so you will never get one from them, they'll give you a fake number to get you out of their hair, or say "I'll have to think about it" or whatever. Or they want to think of themselves as "nice" so they don't want to do the rejecting, even though they aren't interested at all, so they hem and haw and hope the guy gets what they think is the obvious message.

 

Anything other than a "yes" is a "no".

 

^ Yeah, this. It will save you a lot of wasted time. I would go so far as to say anything that isn't an enthusiastic "yes" is a "no".

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Throwaway999 Contributor

Throwaway999

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A guy thinks "Well, she didn't say NO, so I must have a shot" while she thinks "Can't he take a hint?"

 

If I may make a broad, gender-based generalization: MEN DON'T TAKE HINTS.

 

Not just in terms of not taking "no" for an answer, like we are discussing in this thread, but once you are in a relationship, too. Things women think are "obvious", men are oblivious to much of the time, unless they are addressed in a straightforward way. I think if a woman wants a man to know something, they have to tell him outright and not "hint" at it.

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bulletproof Collaborator

bulletproof

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I don't know that I would call this a female-specific problem. I think humans in general don't want to say no and disappoint others, or make them feel bad. It's not done out of malice, but actually the opposite.

 

But in terms of practicality, I agree with those saying that a good rule of thumb is that if it isn't a definitive yes, then move on.

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lady00 Grand Master

lady00

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Many don't like rejecting other people. On several occasions I asked guys out and they said yes only for me to find out that they were not interested in dating me. I think it is fairly clear that some people would prefer to not say no say something that sounds like there is hope because they feel awkward or uncomfortable saying no.

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LC8328 Community Regular

LC8328

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I agree that it may be because she doesn't like rejecting people. I would also like to add that I knew this guy in college once who liked me and asked me out. When I told him no straight-up, he then proceeded to make arguments about why I should be with him instead of my boyfriend at the time. So if I were in the dating game again and got asked out by a guy I suspected was like that...I might give that wishy-washy answer. Not saying YOU'RE like that...just giving an outside viewpoint on the subject.

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journeynow Grand Master

journeynow

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Yea I never give a definite no if i dont want to go on a date with a guy... but yea, it means no.

 

Curious. I wonder for those who never give a definite no regarding dating also avoid saying "no" in general. I ask because I've noticed that instead of saying "No, thank you" it's becoming common for people to say "I'm good". "No", the word, is saved for moments of disbelief...as in "No way?!

 

Truthfully, most people are never taught to say no so feel embarrassed about it.

 

Some of us were raised to say "Yes, please" or "No, thank you", and it was drilled in in our family that it's good manners. In some cases it feels harder to say outright say "No, thank you", but perhaps it should just be as simple as that.

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