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Hi all,

 

My boyfriend and I since the start of our relationship have had arguments that should never escalate to the place it always seem to end up. It is 99% of the time over something stupid and it blows into a giant argument.

 

Last night.

So, it was NYE. Our first one together. All week I had been making little comments about how it was our last Monday of 2013 etc. (Just joking/being goofy)

Just as we set off for our night out with friends, I say hey I want to have a little moment with you. Since this is the last time we will be leaving the house this year... before I could continue, he got very snippy and told me to stop-that my comments are weird and he feels like I am jinxing us into dying or something... I apologize, say I just wanted to say a few nice words to you is all.

 

We drive to the venue and I can sense he is 'moody'. He was tired so I just let him be and by the time we got to our destination, he was fine!

 

We were meeting his best friend (a girl) and her boyfriend and another couple.

 

Just before midnight, at the countdown, he gets all excited telling everyone to 'blow his whistle' - with one of those whistle things. As he is moving around asking everyone, he knocks me over and I fall to the floor. It was an accident, I got up. Instead of seeing how I was or even saying a sorry - he asks what I am doing! I said you knocked me, Im up now lets count down.

I think this triggered the events next.

 

So we countdown and have a brief kiss. Within two mintues, he tells me he is going outside with his friend Emily, for there 'new years eve smoke' (he doesn't smoke - and they are just cigarettes)

 

Im left in a bar with couples all around me kissing and hugging, the other couple we are with are having some special time talking and hugging etc. I am sat at the bar - feeling like a single person almost.

 

10 mins pass and I am at the bar (neither of us are big drinkers - this was first drink of the night) and he comes over and says what are you doing. CAREFULLY I say well I am a little disappointed you just left me here like this, you didn't invite me out, its a few minutes after midnight and I am sat at a bar alone!

 

He gets VERY annoyed. Says I ruined the night, made sure everyone around us knew it too. I explained, look I know you wanted to have your moment with your friend, but I thought the timing was off. He says I should have come outside with them - but I KNEW -I KNEW iwas not invited and this was confirmed during our blazing argument when he said Emilys boyfriend came out and he wasn't invited either he turned up without us wanting him there.

 

I find it incredibly difficult to talk to him. Whenever something bothers me, I keep it to myself (I am sensitive I admit) but if something is pushing me to open up - it always results in arguments. He makes comments like 'I am soo bad, the devil' 'why are you with me then' 'I am the worst guy in the world huh' - very frustrating for me. I know he didn't intentially go out and leave me.

 

How do you deal with this? How am I able to voice my feelings without being met with 'Oh, I am a terrible person' - what can I say to that?!

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Also,

 

I tried to explain that it would have been nice to have our own special moment too- like he wanted with his friend (just like I tried to have before we left for the night) and he basically made fun of it saying me and my moments are ridiculous its just another night.

 

It makes me feel belittled sometimes

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By ending this. He is not interested in being your boyfriend. He sounds like he tolerates you, not care for you. How he could knock you down to the floor and not care to turn around and help you up should tell you everything you need to know about how he truly feels about you.

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I agree with him that the overly sentimental comments could be a little annoying, but as far as the rest of it goes, he just sounds cranky. I am also very wary of people who get so defensive when they are approached about issues in the relationship. You don't sound like a match, and he's inconsiderate at best, kind of a jerk at worst.

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Sounds like he's thinking ONLY about himself. None at all about you or 'you and him'.

And is sounds like YOU are starting to make excuses about why he's this way (cranky=tired). Don't take his 'tude' as acceptable.

 

Not sure how long you've been seeing him, but I see some real issues in the future with this.

You say you two have had many arguments that escalate to where they shouldn't. I suggest you two try & work it out.. maybe asking him to 'try' and work with you in this.

Try to understand things- get to know you and NOT make it a fight all the time- especially if it's all petty little things!

 

If he doesn't seem to want to or care.. then i'd consider leaving it all, as he's so much into himself.

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I agree with him that the overly sentimental comments could be a little annoying, but as far as the rest of it goes, he just sounds cranky. I am also very wary of people who get so defensive when they are approached about issues in the relationship. You don't sound like a match, and he's inconsiderate at best, kind of a jerk at worst.

 

I agree with this -I think he could have dealt with your perspective on the New Year better and not deliberately distanced himself. My guess is you went overboard with the sentimentality because you feel insecure with him and wanted him to respond with enthusiasm.

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My guess is you went overboard with the sentimentality because you feel insecure with him and wanted him to respond with enthusiasm.

 

This sounds spot on.

 

I agree with others than you two are not a good match. He's acting like a jerk because he doesn't care as much as you do. Relationships are so much better when both parties feel the same way about one another.

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