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Friendship with a YEC creationist


Silentlyfor

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I've had this dilemma for a while now where I have this friend, whom has been a good friend of mine for about 2 - 3 years, who happens to be a Young Earth Creationist (YEC). She is actually a fairly intelligent person altogether but she has these beliefs that make me cringe; the intelligent, factual and historically respectful part of shudders at some of the stuff she says. She devalues science, she's an anti-gay lifestyle and anti-gay marriage advocate, she believes in a Christian creator and, of course, she believe the Earth is no older than 6000 years old. It pains me to hear about what she believes and is sensitive about her faith that she won't even tolerate good-natured joking about Christianity.

 

Now, before you ask, I'm an Atheist. Specifically, I'm a nihilist with a number of humanistic overtones. I'm a comfortable with the knowledge that it is very probable that there is no god. I'm also quite skeptical. This isn't to say I'm not open-mined but I need a rational, physical way to confirm anything found within what is considered supernatural as fact. I ably accept that everything delivered to us by scientific inquiry may not always be accurate but any science put forth can be contested by science itself. I trust the scientific process and the members of the community that subscribe to scientific method; I'm not a fool, I know it works and works well. I have not spiritual side and I do not buy into any supernatural claims that anyone will put forth. Organized religion is no exception. I believe such faiths and Christianity, Islam and Judaism are superstitious nonsense.

 

My friend is well acquainted with my point of view and I'm more than familiar with hers and, for the most part, I don't have a problem with her otherwise. However, she makes judgements of others, including myself, informed by her faith. She makes judgements, disparages those whom are bi or gay and has a very biased and seemingly backwards view of the progression of rights movements for the certain of specific minorities. I want to respect her views and I want to be a good friend and support her but I'm finding I can't reconcile our conflicting views. I know science has a strong, healthy and progressive presence in the world and I also accept (not tolerate but accept) all minorities and persons of any sexual orientation. I have a hard time restraining my right to exercise my right to freedom of expression; it's harder and harder to keep respectful of my friends position without opening my mouth and bellowing something along the lines of "your ideas are backwards and regressive at best". There are times I have her in my home and she says things I absolutely cannot abide mostly having to do with a homophobic ideology. That, and her evidence of her view is nothing more than religion backed by a holy book, the Bible.

 

I'm not looking for a theological debate on this thread nor do I believe this forum is the place for it. What I want to know is are there others like myself that are dealing with a similar problem? Do you have any resources, threads or ideas as how I can deal with my friend or reason with her to keep us both on equal ground before tensions swell up and we explode at each other? I want to pre-emptively nip this problem in the bud before it gets to that point.

 

Thanks!

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As long as you've identified the views that you find "backward and regressive at best" I suspect this will be taken down. Might as well take the opportunity to ask, if you find her to believe in things that defy logic, reason and scientific evidence, where exactly does her intelligence lie?

 

As for the problem; avoid talking about the stuff that rasps as sandpaper on cornhole. If she refuses to avoid those topics around you, find different friends.

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She was a University honor student in Anthropology. She was one smart cookie back in her day but doesn't buy into evolutionary theory for whatever reason.

 

I'm not sure they will necessary take this down. This view of religion is simply my opinion and taking down the thread would defy the point of reconciling these views so that her and I can get along. I'm sure there are sympathetic views from both sides of this idea.

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If you find her anti gay sentiments offensive I would just not be friends with her. People that are racist, sexist, anti gay ect really rub me the wrong way.

 

The rest of the stuff just agree to disagree. And if you can't agree to disagree then just end the friendship.

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......and you're still friends with this person, why?

 

You may have shared enough to have some sort of relationship in the past, but it sure sounds to me like that time is over (or, at best, coming to an end).

 

Sometimes, we outgrow the relationships we are in and they start annoying us a great deal more than they are benefitting us. So you can be (imo) smart about it and just gently and quietly start easing her out of your life.....or you can keep up the friendship until the seemingly inevitable blow up happens and end it in a fiery, dramatic way with a big argument that caps off with brilliant statements like, "Yeah, well f-you!!" and "f-you, too, buddy!"

 

You're not going to change her. She's not going to change you. You may have grown too dissimilar to be able to really interact in any sort of reasonably friendly, cordial manner that you both enjoy.

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Friends come and go throughout our lives. If we're fortunate, we get to keep some of them for a very long time. But the ones we keep for a long time are usually those who are very much like ourselves in terms of attitudes and beliefs and goals and world views and educational/intelligence levels. And frankly this young girl has evolved in a way that is ideologically oppositional to your views, so honestly, she doesn't make the best long term friend at all. She's conservative, you're liberal. She's uber-religious, you're an atheist. She's a bigot, and you're anti-bigot.

 

So I think the real issue here is that she just isn't a good fit as a friend, and you may need to let her go as a friend and move on to find people more like yourself in their views. The world is full of people for you to be friends with, and people who have similar attitudes and views to yours, so that is who you should be seeking out and spending time with rather than getting into the same old arguments with someone who will never be like you and in fact hates what you represent (and vice versa). So let it go, and move on.

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. However, she makes judgements of others, including myself, informed by her faith. She makes judgements, disparages those whom are bi or gay and has a very biased and seemingly backwards view of the progression of rights movements for the certain of specific minorities.

 

In other words, doesn't act like a Christian, who are commanded to love one another as God loves them.

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As a scientist, I just couldn't be friends with someone with such views. I do have many scientist friends who are atheists, I have many scientist friends who believe in god, but certainly not that the earth is 6000 years old. And you're a pretty crappy biologist if you don't believe in evolution. I see bacteria in the lab evolve over the course of a few days...

 

Anyway, this is not a religious debate or whatever.

 

What do you get out of this friendship? Do you have to interact with her? I don't want to spend my time with bigots, no thanks.

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I agree with what everyone else is saying. This is a relationship you have outgrown.

 

I have a real problem with people who are rude/pushy/whatever with their beliefs but then gets angry when others do the same thing. Start detaching yourself from her. A good start would be when she is says something about the LGBT community is to stand up to her.

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What do you get out of this friendship? Do you have to interact with her?

 

She's part of our Dungeons and Dragons group. I know her through gaming for the most part and she's a cool gamer altogether. I can still accept her as a gaming buddy but not wholly as a friend because of what I have already stated in the OP. I'm in agreement with you guys. I should faze her out of my life delicately.

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She's part of our Dungeons and Dragons group. I know her through gaming for the most part and she's a cool gamer altogether. I can still accept her as a gaming buddy but not wholly as a friend because of what I have already stated in the OP. I'm in agreement with you guys. I should faze her out of my life delicately.

 

I really think this is the best thing you can do. Good luck!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Oh wow. Yeah, things came to a head with my friend. She's ... um, exploded on me. She's still a part of my gaming group(s). Not sure how to deal with it per se. She says A LOT of things about science that I'm having trouble keeping quiet about it. Need to center myself around her. Like ... damn.

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What happened?

 

I think you should confront her, slightly, something like, "(name) I try very hard to be respectful of you beliefs even thought I strongly disagree with them. Lately I've have not felt the same thing from you. I have to ask that you respect my beliefs the same way I respect yours."

 

How do thee people in your gaming group feel about her attitude?

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using link removed

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DM for the group. Whenever she says anything,

 

A lightning bolt streaks from the heavens, burning you to a cinder with no hope of a reflex save!

 

When she asks what the hell, tell her "God works in mysterious ways". Eventually she'll drop religion as a discussion topic.

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The best way to go about this is just not to discuss the topic. People can't discuss with you that which you won't discuss. If they continue to discuss it with you you just walk away. And it doesn't matter if you're playing a game or whatever you just walk away.

 

But in turn insulting the other person's belief even after they've insulted yours just ramps up the situation. There is no point in ramping up the situation it won't lead to what you want.

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I'm an atheist that doesn't advertise it. I'll say I'm not a spiritual man and leave it at that.

 

There's simply no way I could be friends with a YEC that was constantly pushing their views in my face and judging me. And you should not join in and do it to her.

 

You can't reason with such a person, and it will end in nothing but fighting. I mean, really, an "intelligent" anthropologists that believes man and dinosaurs co-existed... in 2014? I don't think so. I mean, you don't have to believe in evolution to still know that's utter rubbish.

 

Unless you can "agree to disagree", I'd walk away from this person.

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