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wondering what shes up to tonight on NYE


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i can't help but wonder what my ex will be up to tonight on NYE...we were in the relationship at the time last year on NYE, but we weren't together on that night...we were supposed to be with each other at first on that night, but she ended up going to Milwaukee instead to spend it with her family, mostly for her little brother because of some tradition for Serbian Christmas where she dresses up as Santa for him (don't ask, i don't get what thats all about either, i think its ridiculous and totally unnecessary and she could've stayed down here to spend to with me, and whoever else if she really wanted to) but she didn't, she did really wish she was with me, or so she claimed, and all my other friends ended up being busy with their significant others too, so i basically went home and did nothing when i got off work...i just really got to me that she made no effort at all to just stay down here on chicago to be with me last year, as if she had no choice but to be up in Milwaukee with her family, which she really didn't want to do...and no this year, a year later, and after our little plan being dismissed a few weeks ago because she changed her mind (to those on here who know my story) i just wonder what she'll be up to tonight this year, i think she said last year she was probably doing that ridiculous thing she did last year one more year but who knows, but i wonder if shes making actual effort this year to hang out with other friends this time around, and i don't want to even go into how pissed and upset i'd be if i found out she was hanging out with some other guy specifically this year, but i highly doubt it...she made mention a few weeks ago of some guy who was trying really hard with her, but that he didn't compare or amount to me at all (obviously they aren't together) and she didn't seem to interested in him the way she sounded when she brought him up, only seemed interested in me, but i don't she;ll be doing anything with this guy tonight that being said...idk, guess i was just thinking of last year NYE since NYE is today and thinking about how she just didn't even try to stay down here with me or simply said no to her parents for having to come up there...i know it shouldn't matter to me what shes up to tonight at this point, but it's just something thats bothering me!

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Why are you spending so much energy wondering what she's going to do? It's not going to make her materialize on your doorstep or make her call you on the phone to make plans. She's moving on with her life and you're choosing to stay stuck. Do you really like the feeling of frustration that much? Is that what love feels like to you? Constantly making yourself feel frustrated?

 

The easiest way not to be upset about who she's spending the evening with is to accept that she probably is spending the evening with someone and there is nothing you can do about it.

 

One of the most powerful visual things I used to do when I lived out in LA was to go out to the beach at dusk and watch the sun set, especially in winter when the sun sets directly west (in the summer, it sets to the extreme north west). Watching that roiling orb slip below the horizon line and knowing that there is nothing--absolutely nothing--I can do to make the sun come back over the horizon was the biggest learning tool I used to understand that there are just some things which are completely out of my control and that I have to accept that I do not have that level of control where I can make animate and inanimate objects do my bidding.

 

How you choose to spend your evening is up to you... but the energy you put out as 2013 ends and 2014 begins is what will be what sets the tone for the coming year, energetically.

 

The best thing to do is in that last half hour to the year, take a stack of her stuff and set it on fire in a safe place and just let her go. Purge your computer and your life of her. Do not go into 2014 dragging the baggage that is her and her eff-ery into this brand new year. It will be the best thing that you can do for yourself.

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You will drive yourself nuts and ruin your NYE by wondering what she's doing! Focus on yourself and making yourself have an amazing time tonight, for all you know she's probably wondering the same but what she will be doing is probably trying her best to have a good NYE and focusing on herself. It's just one night that comes and goes, tomorrow you won't be wondering what she's doing so who cares! Enjoy it and make the most of it. I will be doing the same.

 

All the best in the new year

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to everyone replying, thank you...i know i must not focus on what shes up to or not tonight, because for all i know shes up to about as much as i am, which is really hardly anything...

 

Sophi3, i think maybe your ex greeted you on xmas eve because they felt obligated to do so because of the holiday? idk...for all you know they might wish you happy new years tonight, who knows....my ex texted me a week before christmas telling me she missed me, what we had, ect and agreed to try again in a new approach, and 2 days later she changed her mind because her mother persuaded her that we'd only make it worse for ourselves since we've gotten back together multiple times, she basically told me that, wished me good luck and left me hanging, and she did not greet me on xmas, xmas eve or tonight either, even though a small part of me kinda thought she'd wish me merry xmas, but she didn't...i'm sure she wanted to, and missed me on that day, especially since we spent a decent part of the day last year together and after her pretty much coming back into the picture the week prior like she did for a few days, but she didn't...i honestly didn't think much of it that day, or was completely expecting to hear from her anyways so it didn't end up disappointing me too much, though he really missed her that day!

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and i guess apparently from what i've read my ex and her best friend are gonna go to a club or a bar or whatever, so already i'm kinda upset...looks like she made plenty of effort to be here and with her best friend this year to do something but didn't make an effort to be here with me last year!

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Dude, if she was still in love with you, she'd be with you.

 

Her mother didn't talk her out of anything.

 

She didn't agree to try to get back together and then later *change her mind*...... she was telling you what you wanted to hear in the moment and then later blaming her mother when it came time to follow through.

 

I don't think you're going to accept that her feelings are really gone until she tells you.... the problem is, in life, MANY PEOPLE WON'T TELL YOU. Your ex is one of those people, she doesn't want to be The Bad Guy and she doesn't want to give you up as a safety net in case she ever changes her mind.

 

Look at her ACTIONS, not what she tells you. Her actions are showing you, again and again, that she doesn't want to be with you.

 

You are clinging to the way she USED to feel about you.... and the things she says now, post-breakup, to soften the blow and keep you as a safety net..... and using them to deny the basic reality that she's ended this relationship and is moving on.

 

You have a new year ahead -- why not try to focus on MOVING FORWARD and feeling better, so you can be in a position to meet someone amazing who really DOES want to be with you? She's out there, right now.

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