Oh, the days of regret..

[Guest QueenBee]

First of all, I'm not entirely sure what section this goes in but thank you to the ones who took the time to read this and made an effort to leave a response. So here goes everything.

 

Lets rewind the clocks. I was in the 5th grade and dating wasn't so big at my school. (For personal reasons I'll change the names) So a girl in 6th grade named Rebecca was dating this guy named Jeff, who was in 5th grade like me and no I wasn't jealous at all. Jeff was considered a player but I didn't know what that truly meant until later. Our school arranged this play and I sat next to Jeff and he kept saying how much he loved me and all that jazz, yes I know sooo pathetic for a 5th grader. Long story short we held hands for most of the play and made jokes about their acting.

 

We spent a couple of weeks msn-ing (an online chatting thing) and then after that he broke up with the 6th grader and dated me. Those two weeks were the happiest time of my life until he decided he wasn't into me and he'd prefer my "so called best friend" Stacy. And like a somewhat of a good friend Stacy rejected him.

 

Like any other 11 year old I cried my eyes out. I was terribly hurt and tried my best not to cry at school. It's when I got home where I cried to eminem

 

A year goes by and graduation was coming and I wanted someone to dance with and be my "date." I was so desperate to get a boyfriend. I then dated this guy named David for possibly a couple of days and people made fun of me for that. I then dated his best friend Ryan and we dated for a weekend, wow impressive right? We kept us dating a secret and I ended the relationship with Ryan and he confessed to only dating me because he felt bad... Shocker I know.

 

In the end I danced with one guy who also danced with four other girls.

 

High school comes along and I started playing online games. (Yes sorry the story continues..) I realized how much attention girls got by playing video games and practically every boy was kissing my feet asking me to be their girlfriend. Being the slightly unattractive girl I am, I took that into consideration and started dating a couple of the ones I like. I can tell you I dated 6 guys and I won't go into detail for each one of them because you don't care, admit it. But what I will tell you is that I'm the one who broke up with every single one of them and they lasted from 1-2 months.

 

Why I broke up with them? Because I never wanted to feel like they way I did in 5th grade. I was so nervous that one day they'd stop loving me and break my heart.

 

It's been about 5 months since I've dated anyone online and 4 years since I dated anyone in real life.

 

So ladies and gentlemen I've came to terms that I'm afraid of falling in love again. I did such stupid things and I went through some tough stuff and it maybe be hard to believe but this was only the beginning.

 

Ps. Sorry for any spelling mistakes or grammar errors... It is currently 2:36am and I couldn't care less.