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I lost my girlfriend because I'm "too clingy"?!?!


StuW

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So, my girlfriend and I have been together a while. We are also expecting a baby in June 2014, which we are both ecstatic about!

 

But, tonight, she broke up with me, the reason being I am "too clingy". Until recently this hasn't been a problem. We lived together for four months until the end of last month(we had to move out due to house being sold), and we are currently living with our respective parents, which has been somewhat of a strain, due to the distance between us being at least 20 minute drive, and we get to see each other twice a week, three if I can get to her place.

 

There is also an issue with her sister(twin too). She does not like me for whatever reason, and I have tried to build bridges with her. I think she is interfering a lot in the decision.

 

So...this all came about as she is at a friends for the week, and wanted no contact from any of her other friends family etc....She posted a status on facebook, with my reply being "don't have too much fun which was taken completely the wrong way, with her sister messaging me a tirade of obscenities, despite my explaining it was meant as a joke! In the heat of the moment, I told her to piss off(silly, but I have tried to apologize).

 

After that, my gf and I skyped, ended up arguing over me saying that, and despite my apologies, she has broken up with me, and won't talk to me at all. I have asked her to come talk when she is back, see if we can't reason, with no reply.

 

I don't want to lose this girl, she is my world, especially now we have the child on the way. So, the question is, what can I do to fix this?

 

__

 

Also, the messages sent to me via her account do not at all sound like her. In fact they sound exactly like things her sister would say. You know, the abbreviations, and general language and wording. I can't exactly ask if it is her either, although I am sure she is interfering in some way.

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I don't want to lose this girl, she is my world, especially now we have the child on the way. So, the question is, what can I do to fix this?

 

Honestly there is probably some truth to her accusations based on the above statement. You should never make a girl 'your world'. Women are attracted to men who have their own purpose and goals in life. You should of course make your gf a priority but you need to maintain your own separate life as well. There is really nothing you can do here other than to accept her decision and give it time (preferably with a minimal amount of contact). Any excessive contact on your end is just going to confirm her current mindset that you are clingy. I know that it is harsh but she decided to break up with you and there is nothing you can do to change her mind. She may come to the realization that she misses you and wants to give it another go but that is uncommon and she will have to come to that conclusion on her own. Sorry this happened but you will have to just hang in there and do the best you can. It will be a trying time but you can get through this.

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Never have a significant conversation over text.

When things are iffy....never "joke" in a text. Way too easy for it to be taken wrong.

Until you KNOW it is your gf and not her twin...do not engage at all.

 

That's why I asked if when she is back if she could come talk properly. Nothing was iffy as such. Basically she commented on facebook "Having loads of fun"(or similar) and I commented "Don't have too much fun : P", which I thought would be seen as a joke due to the emoticon. It was her sister that started the argument, I will put in a spoiler below -

 

 

She will have as much fun as she wants leave her the alone so can enjoy herself because your ruining her night!!!!!

 

 

I tried to explain it was nothing more than a joke, and it got heated, and I did say (stupidly) Piss off in a heat of the moment thing.

 

As for working out if it was her sister, I doubt I will ever know, unless her sister or her say so, and I am not going to ask!

 

Honestly there is probably some truth to her accusations based on the above statement. You should never make a girl 'your world'. Women are attracted to men who have their own purpose and goals in life. You should of course make your gf a priority but you need to maintain your own separate life as well. There is really nothing you can do here other than to accept her decision and give it time (preferably with a minimal amount of contact). Any excessive contact on your end is just going to confirm her current mindset that you are clingy. I know that it is harsh but she decided to break up with you and there is nothing you can do to change her mind. She may come to the realization that she misses you and wants to give it another go but that is uncommon and she will have to come to that conclusion on her own. Sorry this happened but you will have to just hang in there and do the best you can. It will be a trying time but you can get through this.

 

I think my meaning of "she's my world" is slightly off compared to yours! How I mean it is that I don't want to lose her, it's never looked likely that we could break up until tonight. Obviously the problem is that neither of us has talked properly about this, it's been all quick and sudden, which is probably the reason I feel so bad about it.

 

Obviously her hormones and emotions are extremely fragile being pregnant. I have my own life, I work and hang out with friends. I mean we talk every day for long periods, although it is almost always her that starts the conversation.

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Back off. That's all you can do. Work on getting yourself financially set so that you are ready for this baby's arrival. Stay off of her facebook page and respect her request for space.

 

That's a priority regardless of our relationship, since we found out, we both agree that should anything happen, we would still work together for the baby. I hadn't actually been on her profile, it popped up on the timeline. I had been, but we agreed that if she wanted minimal to no contact, she wouldn't post on facebook, or message etc me unless of an emergency, apart from me calling her on new years day. As much as this is my fault, I think it is a little unfair that she couldn't stick to the rules we had set.

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I think you are in for a bit of a rough ride in the near future. There is her twin sister causing problems, then it's quite possible that your gf is being wildly hormonal because she is pregnant. Some women don't really experience that and some can go through extreme mood swings. You probably need to grow a thicker skin, lay low for a bit, get back in touch with her when she is back in real life - not phones, texts or fb. Also, yes it was just a joke and it does seem like her sister was the one who went off on you - don't engage her in arguments. Sit tight until your gf gets back and try to straighten things out. Just don't expect clean sailing and there may be a lot of up and down swings coming your way. The bottom line is that you have a child on they way and no matter what, you'll have to work things out between you two.

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I hadn't actually been on her profile, it popped up on the timeline. I had been, but we agreed that if she wanted minimal to no contact, she wouldn't post on facebook, or message etc me unless of an emergency, apart from me calling her on new years day. As much as this is my fault, I think it is a little unfair that she couldn't stick to the rules we had set.

 

Would it have been that hard to just ignore her post? Either way, just back off. At this point it probably doesn't matter who's right or wrong.

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Agreeing with what others have said, seriously, back off.

 

It doesn't do any harm and any contact you try at this point (as well intentioned as it may be) won't help either.

 

It seems that emotions were high when your girlfriend initiated this breakup. She was upset with you for arguing with her sister, although behind closed doors, she may have been angry with her sister as well. I don't know what kind of dynamic existed between you two prior to this as far as joking around went. Obviously your message offended her sister but you felt comfortable enough to make it to her, thinking she would be the only person to read it or that she would somehow think it's funny. I don't fault you for that, and think her sister went way too far. However, that doesn't excuse your part in it, as I'm sure you know.

 

My point is...

 

You two have a baby coming in June of this coming year and while in the short term, it may be tempting to try something to "win her back" or to contact her even, try to hold strong. You both should have bigger priorities in life since you are going to attempt to raise a kid together in the near future. To what extent you'll be in your child's life remains to be seen but I wouldn't get too emotionally strung in either direction. In other words, expect nothing, but don't be too surprised if she comes back, if only because of what you guys have had together. It sounds like a really emotional turn of events triggered all this. Between you guys moving back with your parents, her sister having more of a say in what happens and some unfortunately misunderstandings, it sounds like this was a cataclysmic argument but not necessarily the end of the world.

 

Regardless, the other advice given by others is completely valid and I won't repeat it for that reason. Focus on yourself and stay off Facebook/Skype

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She has since messaged me saying she means it's over. It has came from nowhere, I really don't understand it at all. It's killed me inside, because I honestly thought I had found someone that wanted to be with me as much as I want to be with them. This honestly has totally destroyed me.

 

Before we met she was suicidal, and said I was the reason that she get herself sorted.

 

Anyway, I have since worked out at least some of the messages are from her sister, as she has said so. her sister is a manipulative person, and directly or not this has something to do with her. In the messages, I have said I want to work things out for the baby. Some of her messages however seem to be intentionally hurtful, which is even worse, but as I say, I am struggling to see whether they are from her sister or her.

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That is how I see it as well, but our plan was to move back to the UK in the next couple of months where there is more work for us both along with better care etc, as we currently live in Spain.

 

Apparently she "seen this coming for a month", which is pretty much the amount of time we have been with our parents.

 

Apparently she has worked out her plan for the baby, and I am not in it. I hope that this is just heat of the moment talking.

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Ok, thanks for the information. It helps to know your ages. I think that your best course of action is to totally back off and concentrate on providing for this baby. There is a poster on here with the user name Lester and he offers great advice and books that you can read that will help you manage this situation. I recommend that you search for him and he will guide you. You will both be parents to this child, so something will have to be worked out whether you are a couple or not. Congrats on the baby! chi

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Its hurt me more that she hasn't taken the time to talk to me about it, so at least we could either work through it or be prepared. Plus her breaking up over facebook has really annoyed me more than anything else

 

This girl has stepped way out of line. If you somehow win her back, this situation will happen again. It will probably be ten times worse next time 'round. The only way to get her to investigate her decision, would be telling her to F*** off, and don't talk to her for a solid month.

 

oh

 

then lawyer up.

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Wow, what a rough situation!

 

I just wanted to chime in and say that I have twin step-brothers and have watched them grow up, have relationships, and now both are dads.... and usually, there's MAJOR conflict between them and the woman in their respective lives. Sometimes, things have gotten very competitive and nasty. So I can understand how, if your ex is now living with her folks and her twin sister -- and is pregnant to boot -- she could be more influenced to *side* with her sister and parents right now.

 

I agree with the advice to give lots of space and continue working on making YOUR plans to get your own place and provide for your baby a reality. Hormones can make you more upset and volatile and impulsive, so it's possible that in the future she might have a change of heart. Especially when she sees that you can provide her and the baby with some stability.

 

I would really advise you to just step way, way back and walk away from Facebook for now and Skype and everything that connects you to her online. You don't need to be reading her posts and you don't need to be posting anything that's even remotely hinting at what's going on in your life. Just leave your account alone for a while, and don't sign into Skype or any of your chatting sites.

 

I'm wondering why you didn't propose to your ex and if this was an issue for her?

 

I'm honestly NOT hearing that you were *too clingy* and that this was the reason for the breakup. Not based on what you've posted so far, anyway.

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Ok, thanks for the information. It helps to know your ages. I think that your best course of action is to totally back off and concentrate on providing for this baby. There is a poster on here with the user name Lester and he offers great advice and books that you can read that will help you manage this situation. I recommend that you search for him and he will guide you. You will both be parents to this child, so something will have to be worked out whether you are a couple or not. Congrats on the baby! chi

 

Thanks, I'll look into that. I understand that I need to turn my attentions to plan for the baby, but the real issue is that she is moving back to the UK in three weeks, and I was going to be following her a couple of weeks after, after I sort out some loose ends. Now I am not sure what is happening, as it was one of her friends that was going to put us up until we got sorted with work and the like.

 

This girl has stepped way out of line. If you somehow win her back, this situation will happen again. It will probably be ten times worse next time 'round. The only way to get her to investigate her decision, would be telling her to F*** off, and don't talk to her for a solid month.

 

oh

 

then lawyer up.

 

The problem is that I am not the kind of guy that can hold grudges at all

 

Plus, I really don't have the cash to get lawyers, and if there is any other way than that, I would rather take it, as I know my mother had problems with my father, and it took a lot out of her.

 

Wow, what a rough situation!

 

I just wanted to chime in and say that I have twin step-brothers and have watched them grow up, have relationships, and now both are dads.... and usually, there's MAJOR conflict between them and the woman in their respective lives. Sometimes, things have gotten very competitive and nasty. So I can understand how, if your ex is now living with her folks and her twin sister -- and is pregnant to boot -- she could be more influenced to *side* with her sister and parents right now.

 

I agree with the advice to give lots of space and continue working on making YOUR plans to get your own place and provide for your baby a reality. Hormones can make you more upset and volatile and impulsive, so it's possible that in the future she might have a change of heart. Especially when she sees that you can provide her and the baby with some stability.

 

I would really advise you to just step way, way back and walk away from Facebook for now and Skype and everything that connects you to her online. You don't need to be reading her posts and you don't need to be posting anything that's even remotely hinting at what's going on in your life. Just leave your account alone for a while, and don't sign into Skype or any of your chatting sites.

 

I'm wondering why you didn't propose to your ex and if this was an issue for her?

 

I'm honestly NOT hearing that you were *too clingy* and that this was the reason for the breakup. Not based on what you've posted so far, anyway.

 

That's the problem. Her sister is here for the xmas and new year period, and it seems to co-inside with her arrival that things have seemingly took a turn for the worse. Her parents and I have no problems, so I have been able to talk to them, and they agree totally with me, and have said that it is her sister that is pulling the strings, whether she knows it or not. She knows I can provide, that is why we were so happy, that we could live relatively comfortable whilst providing.

 

Like I say, I just hope this is a hormonal, heat of the moment rash decision. I use facebook to contact other friends and family too, whilst I use skype to talk frequently to family in England, so it's something I would like to not give up at the moment, seeing as I am talking to someone about the move back.

 

Her plan is irrelevant. Get a lawyer. You are going to be a father, now is the time to step up to that.

 

Maybe so, but I don't want this to be made difficult and volatile between us, it's not fair on the baby or anyone else.

 

As for lawyers, I really cannot afford to go that route, and would prefer to take a more peaceful route to sort this out.

 

Her mother is going to have a talk to her without mentioning me, see if she can find out what has gone on, and at least get a plan of action sorted for the sake of the baby

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Sad to say if you can't afford a lawyer to protect your rights, you likely can't afford a.child. It is moley you will have.minimal involvement in the child's life.

 

No, lawyers in England are ridiculously expensive. I have looked into it this morning, and it is going to cost £1000 per month, with average cases regarding children lasting up to 8 months in the UK. I couldn't possibly afford to provide for a child and pay for lawyers, that is why I would prefer to come to some sort of amicable solution where it doesn't need to go to that. I don't want to be bringing a child into the middle of a messy court fight.

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Plus, I already have saved around £2000 to get started with the baby, since we found out, the priority has been about getting financially and mentally ready for the arrival of the baby.

 

As I may have said in a previous post, we have always said if anything was to happen between us, we would at least work together to make sure the baby is brought up happy and with both parents involved totally.

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give her the week off and dont contact her. she asked for it. dont take this personally, she'll likely come around. the more you push the worse it will get. if you hadnt had any problems until now, I wouldnt worry. but again u need to give her the week, do not contact her at all unless she calls/contacts you. and dont be needy - she basically told you what she wants respect it. and do not try to fix her, that will backfire too. there are a hundred thousand threads, you read them and people's reactions are oddly identical (meaning we've seen your situation before).

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