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Being treated so poorly it hurts


rose2summer

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My separated husband came to pick up/drop off our son today for visitation and treats me so poorly. I try to hold saying anything as I don't want anything held against me in court for custody hearings. He talks down to me and rudely left saying well I've moved on or other times will say, that's why I dumped you. It's extremely hurtful and unnecessary. I know that there is so much amazing advice on here, any advice on how to stop him from putting me down on our visitation days.

 

It really makes me sad the rest of the day when he talks down to me and is very rude. I was thinking of a log sheet for him to write down what he did with the baby so he doesn't interact with me. I want to say oh trust me, I didn't want you either but don't want it used against me in court either, since he was the initiator/leaver. I feel like a dog he abuses.

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That man is trying to snatch the life out of you so don't let him.

 

He has nothing on you if you're a good parent so why care what he uses against you in court if/when your defending your feelings, or is it that you still want him which is why you possibly subject yourself to his insults?

 

You don't have to take his bullcrap and it isn't as if you would be harming the child if you spoke up for yourself by saying something as small as; hey, respect me as the Mother of your child since you couldn't as a Wife.

 

I would have a restraining order placed on him because he's trying to mentally destroy you.

 

What a jerk?

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I would text or email him and say "the way you talk to me is unacceptable and you are not to speak to me like that in front of our child. You can think whatever you want about me and say whatever you like about me infront of your friends and family. If you speak to me like that infront of our child again, I will be keeping record of your abusive nature and pressing charges."

If there is a third party that could be present for the exchange of your child for the next few times, I would do that as well.

He sounds awful and I'm glad you're not married to him anymore (or won't be soon!)

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You can defend yourself emotionally without attacking him. While it may be tempting to reciprocate his abuse towards you, the bigger thing to do would be to politely request that he cease his disrespect (in more "normal words" lol) and just be sincere. It can be through text, speech or however, and I'm sure you've made it clear before but you need to put your foot down. Don't accuse him of anything or participate in his childish antics, but also don't accept them.

 

This doesn't at all set a good example for your child (him verbally abusing you) so maybe bring it up to him that way. Even if he has some grudge against you, the last thing he should want to do is drag your child into it.

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Thanks everyone!

 

Your advice was great. I sent him a text message documenting what happened and to please respect me.

 

He of course responded that that was not his intent, but I will keep documenting with text messages and emails.

 

It's amazing what a difference you all make. I was very upset but I see there is hope to end his manipulation and nastiness.

 

Hugs, Rose

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I would also suggest a voice activated recorder, like what students use in lecture halls. There's no way he can use what you say against him in court unless he's making records of it somehow, such as if you were sending him abusive texts or e-mails. If you can't get that neutral third party there to monitor the exchanges, or move the exchanges to a place that is not your home, like a McDonald's or park or something, then recording what goes on is a good way to prove who said what and how if it ever comes to that.

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