He broke up with me. is this outcome my fault?

[wendy101]

we met on twitter october last year, we started off as friends who liked the same type of news and stuff, then one day he direct-messaged me his email address and then i added him on gmail, afterwards we started to chat privately on google hangouts. he is 10 years older than me.

 

on december 2012, he decided that he liked me a lot. and i never tried online dating and did not know what to react. but i felt we bonded pretty well, so i concurred to the relationship. and to kick up our communication, i suggested skype but he said no, and he wanted pictures instead. i got nervous and afraid, so i sent him a different picture, not my picture. and he sent me his pictures, he said that those were taken from 5 years ago. he looked not all that handsome but i did not mind his looks at all. he asked me if he looked ugly, and i replied you looked fine. on the other hand, he liked my fake picture, A LOT!

 

Three weeks later in january 2013, he told me that he missed me and he was going to masturbate while looking at the fake picture. i felt terrible and immediately i told him that was not my picture and i immediately sent him my real picture. he was furious and told me a liar and a cheater. i apologized and apologized and understood if he'd leave me because of it. and he did leave me.

 

three days later, he messaged me again and said that he forgave me and he still loved me no matter how i look.

 

i was touched and went back to him and we met in real life then and dated for real.... but on december 2nd, 2013, earlier this month, he broke up with me. the reason was, he said, "you cheated me with the fake photo, i cannot trust you fully, therefore i cannot love you whole-heartedly, i just cannot." but i poured in real emotion and lots of time to make this relationship work, i thought what we had was real and i even changed my job to be closer to him because of it. i begged him not to go and apologized again and again about the photo, i was like, "it was a year ago!" but he said coldly, "you lied to me! i cannot trust you!"

 

just like that, my relationship ended. he was my first love and now i am devastated. what should i do? will i ever get over him? i feel i am unable to ever love again! i just can't seem to accept any men but him!

 

thanks for your suggestions!

 

i feel wronged because the fake photo problem was cleared a year ago BUT i did gave him fake photo , so i deserve such "punishment", no?

[SooSad33]

Yes, he could have been planning on using this against you, eventually, as it seems he has.

It was possibly a mistake you did so. But you did (maybe with your own 'idea's' - caution, whatever, but sadly this has come back to bite you...

 

He may have done this..used the pic as an excuse to get out of this relationship now. Who knows? He may have other interests going on? Either way, yes i feel it's time to let go of this guy.

Accept it as a loss and work on moving on, away from him now.

 

sorry

[Batya33]

I think he used it mostly as an excuse or maybe on reflection he realized he couldn't live with your deception. I can't say I blame him, I'm just surprised he decided to meet you in the first place. When you deceive someone like that you have to accept the consequences. I wouldn't really think of this as your first love -you certainly cared far more about yourself than your developing friendship with him when you chose to deceive him.

[wendy101]

but we've been together for a year. yes i gave him the fake photo in december last year and i told him the truth 2 weeks later when i realized that he loved me and i liked him too. i apologized when he left me the first time. and he came back to me and said he forgave me and wanted me. and then we met and we've been dating for a year now, both of our families know about us, everything's great and i even moved and changed my job to be with him, and i thought i was going to be with him for the rest of my life. one side of me felt wronged but at the same time, i felt guilty, the same guilty feeling i felt last year. i think he brought it up on purpose

I think he used it mostly as an excuse or maybe on reflection he realized he couldn't live with your deception. I can't say I blame him, I'm just surprised he decided to meet you in the first place. When you deceive someone like that you have to accept the consequences. I wouldn't really think of this as your first love -you certainly cared far more about yourself than your developing friendship with him when you chose to deceive him.

[Batya33]

Sounds like it is not quite a year. My sense is that since this is holiday time/the new year he is reflecting about his life and realizing that he's uncomfortable with what your behavior back then says about your values. Did he tell you to move/change your job with a promise of getting engaged at a specific time?

[lostgirl123]

omg what is the big deal. there is a need to protect yourself over the internet when it comes to chatting online with strangers. whatever the intention may be for you to send a fake photo of yourself, there is no need to be 100% honest to a stranger.

 

within the course of a year you must've shown your most honest and genuine side to him. if he couldn't see that then he is oblivious. if he still couldn't get over the fact that you lied to him, there must've been signs. if there weren't then i think he's just making up excuses to break up with you.

[wendy101]

yes, he did. that's why i moved. he was quite controlling and we had a lot of arguments as to how to be together, since we are in different states. and he said that he would sacrifice too much to leave his current job, after months of planning, i decided to move to him. when he is sweet, he is very sweet; but he does yell a lot. and this is not the first time he mentions about the fake photo. sometimes when we argued, he would yell at me and when i point out that he mistreated me, he would bring it up saying that "you cheated on me with fake photo. that makes me mad thinking about it." i do not know exactly what is going on. but since october, he's been preoccupied with bitcoin, and ever since, all he wants to do is mine bitcoins. he used to apologize after arguments and apologize for his temper tantrum, and since october, i was always the one breaking up his silent-treatment and went back to reconcile even if he was at fault . i mean what else am i supposed to do? we were moving together, i was in the process of moving and starting a new life with him and he wanted to marry me. he's been having some financial problems, and his temper just got more bitter this past few months. when i said bitcoin was crazy, he literally got mad and said no one could stop what he is doing.

Sounds like it is not quite a year. My sense is that since this is holiday time/the new year he is reflecting about his life and realizing that he's uncomfortable with what your behavior back then says about your values. Did he tell you to move/change your job with a promise of getting engaged at a specific time?

[wendy101]

thanks for understanding! actually i've been feeling a lot better this evening. i mean, it is new year and with a new job in a new environment, i can finally start a new life, although without him, a new life nonetheless. and i will take care of myself and make new friends and meet new coworkers! after all this experience, i am also at fault i think, and perhaps he never really liked the inner me and i was too insecure to give him my real picture. and if the fake photo still bothers him after one year of relationship, then he doesn't really love me. and that's ok! i will find a new man in real life. and i will never again fall for anyone online. i just don't think i will be able to go through all the emotion and anxiety again.

omg what is the big deal. there is a need to protect yourself over the internet when it comes to chatting online with strangers. whatever the intention may be for you to send a fake photo of yourself, there is no need to be 100% honest to a stranger.

 

within the course of a year you must've shown your most honest and genuine side to him. if he couldn't see that then he is oblivious. if he still couldn't get over the fact that you lied to him, there must've been signs. if there weren't then i think he's just making up excuses to break up with you.

[Batya33]

I think he doesn't sound right for you but I would never ever tell myself that you were justified in deceiving him with him with the fake photo because of your sense that he might not have liked the way you are inside. And I completely disagree that he should forgive you for the fake photo if he loves you -again, he was the victim of your deception and his alternatives are to accept and forgive or not to forgive and then move on because he might love you but doesn't trust you or like your value system that justified the deception.

 

He doesn't deserve any criticism whatsoever for his reaction to your deception. He might deserve criticism for other behaviors -sounds like he does- but not that one. I would hate for you to justify lying/deceiving again in the future because of these stories you are telling yourself that try to justify or criticize him -he was the victim in this case.

 

 

I did a lot of meeting men through on line sites and it made me annoyed and often angry when liars wasted my time and I paid for it as well because those men who were victims like your guy was started to be a bit negative/cynical about whether I was telling the truth because of being burned in the past.

 

I would move on and meet other people and hopefully make different choices in the future about how you treat people you're getting to know.

[Heather Dawn]

Wait - have you met in person?!