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Dating Resolutions for 2014 Feel Free to Steal, or Call Me Crazy


Sportster2005

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Why make this list? For me, for one reason. Helps keeps me focused and moving forward. And secondly I think 90% of the posts in here are from the same two or three mistakes people consistently make in dating. If I can prevent someone from making one of these mistakes, then it's been a good day.

 

These are not just resolutions for myself. I try to follow most. I'm not always perfect. Why should you follow them? Because I've learned them the hard way. Not out of a book. Not given to me by a coach. Each one of these are from my own personal failures. And there are many.

 

After 17 years of married life I was thrown into the dating scene. I was never very good at dating before I was married. And after marriage that inexperience made things even worse. It's been almost six years now. Online, offline, hang out here, hang out there, stay single, want someone. I've gone through the range of emotions and am pretty sure if there's a mistake to make I've made it. And I will likely make some more.

 

Feel free to borrow these. Feel free to call me on them. Don't be afraid to disagree and tell me I'm crazy. Just tell me why I'm crazy. Not to so is unhelpful.

 

At the top of the list for 2014 is, I will not chase people who are not interested. Sounds simple doesn't it? But how many times do we let this happen. We find someone and we hope against hope they will be interested back. We look for signs. We mind read. We tell ourselves they are just scared and if we just stick around long enough they will come around. We will fight for them. They're worth it. And while we are doing all this they are looking for someone else. Sure they might be amused at our efforts, even flattered by them. And it's not so bad when they are obviously not interested. It's the ones that send us the mixed signals. The fence sitters. The ones that just leave a little bread crumb here and there. I don't think most do it out of maliciousness. There's a lot of reasons why. But the reasons don't matter. Do not under any circumstance waste one iota of energy, one breath, on someone who doesn't plainly and openly reciprocate interest.

 

But wait you say, it's not that easy. Yes it is. What about mixed signals? Treat mixed signals as not interested. When was the last time someone sent mixed signals and it worked out? Yeah that's what I thought. What if you're not sure of their interest? You have to ask them out. Not ask them if they are interested. Ask them out. And guys here is the best advise you will ever get on this subject. It's not my advise, I'm sharing it. When you ask a woman out anything but yes is a no. The only exception is when they re-schedule with a specific date and time. And if they break that date, move on. I can't stress this enough, so I will say it again. When you ask a woman out anything but yes is a no.

 

And gals, I don't know what to tell you, if you don't want to ask a guy out, I've got nothing. Well, other than being obvious without being desperate. Gals help me out here.

 

Next on the list. If I'm not interested in someone I will let them know. And I will let them know early and politely. I WILL NOT just ignore calls, or emails and hope they get the hint and go away. I WILL email them or call them and thank them for their interest and politely tell them I'm not interested. There are excuses for blowing people off and disappearing, but there are no good reasons. Grow up, take responsibility. Treat people the way you want to be treated. It might get unpleasant. You might get flamed. You will likely be hurting someone. No excuse. It is the adult thing to do. And guys, that's what separates the boys from the men.

 

I will continue to be a nice guy. I will no be a "too nice" guy. I have a pair of balls and I'm not afraid to use them. Figuratively and literally.

 

I will take personal responsibility for my dating failures. I will not blame a gender, a geographical location or the Internet. If I'm failing, I'm doing something wrong. If I'm attracting the wrong kind of women, I'm doing something wrong. If I can't get past the first date. I'm doing something wrong. I will find solutions to these problems. I will not assign blame.

 

I will maintain a positive attitude. If you're bitter and angry get some cats and leave the rest of us alone.

 

I will approach more women. They're only people.

 

I will stop being focused on a type, and be more opened minded about the type of women I date. Besides, I don't think there's anymore blondes with nice butts

in this city I haven't tried to date.

 

Happy New Year.

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I will stop being focused on a type, and be more opened minded about the type of women I date. Besides, I don't think there's anymore blondes with nice butts in this city I haven't tried to date.

 

Love the refreshing honesty of this one!

 

I tried dating outside my 'type' and the two guys I had a relationship with (over a six year period) were even worse than the ones who were. However, after two years of being single - quite happily - and having built up a rich, rewarding life in a strange town during that time, I finally got round to thinking it might be nice to start dating again. I met someone a couple of days later; early signs are promising.

 

I have resolved to have sex at some point, at least once, in 2014!

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Take responsibility for dating failures. Agreed.

 

But acceptance is huge. Accept the things you cannot change and change the things that you can.

 

Accept that sometimes things end and you will never know why. Nor does it have to be anybody's faults or that you did something wrong.

 

I would add that to your honest list.

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My new years resolution is to not get drunk and have sleepovers/sex on a date. Eurgh, even admitting it makes me feel gross.

 

It is also to accept the fact that I have come to need male attention, to figure out why, and to try and change it cos it certainly isn't attracting the right kind of guy!

 

They're kind of related to dating. I think yours are spot on sportster! Especially the one about not chasing people who aren't interested. Those sitting on the fencers are hard to spot sometimes though!

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F'ing eh. I love this thread already. !

 

I'm in. I will embrace putting myself out there this year. I'm ready. No more half hearted and using a backup sour grapes thought of "oh I don't care one way or another". I care. And I'm resilient enough and know enough about myself now to not need that any more.

 

My main dating resolution is to be more plain about my feelings and what I want. No hiding. I will be more than a big girl; I will be a woman about it.

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Great post! Super glad you shared this with us! I would add, not necessarily for myself but for others, is to have basic standards and stick with them. I've often seen people date others just out of boredom and loneliness. Be honest with yourself about whether you are dating someone because you are hoping to change them, are bored, want sex or some other reason. Acknowledge that, let them go and move on.

 

For my own list, i'm going to continue to be open-minded about who I'm dating. The guy I'm seeing now would not have fit what I wanted if I had not been openminded and if we had not approached a friendship first.

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This is good. I'm in.

 

-Now that it looks like my career is beginning, I'm going to stop making excuses and actually try to date.

 

-But I won't put too much pressure on myself so i'm going to ask out one woman and not worry about asking out hordes of others.

 

-I'm going to keep an open mind

 

-But i'm also going to try to correspond with the girl of my dreams who lives 2000 miles away.

 

-I'm going to continue to practice a little flirting with the smoldering office assistant but not let it go any further.

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Loved your post!! Lol!

 

I think it IS totally right and mature to make this list, because putting it in writing makes it real. That's how we achieve goals. I especially liked the one where you said you would tell someone if you are NOT into them, and this is so admirable because this is a huge issue for so many people. There is no shame in telling someone the truth..and in the end you may gain a ton of new friends and respect.

 

Happy 2014!!!

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Great thread idea!

For me:

I am going to finally cut all contact and go NC with a guy who messed me around so much in 2013. We never dated, he just told me many many things, made me fall for him he and couldn't follow through with any of them. After having my heart broken by him too many times I have got to do this for my own good. It has stopped me from meeting potential suitable relationship-ready men

 

I am going to go on dates when I agree to them and not cancel just because I am not 'feeling it'. I need ot get out there more

 

Having said that, I also want to seek out more dates who are suited to my needs and lifestyle. E.g I must date someone who has a job, doesn't get wasted 24/7, has grown out of the party boy mode and doesn't have mommy issues.

 

I am going to work on myself which may also help become a better potential partner. This is equally important as any other point. I need to be more patient, more open to saying 'yes', less insular and more socialble.

 

Final point - I want to have fun!

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the whole list is awesome, and the bolded sections should be engraved in a stone in every city of the world. like, a single's plaza, where everyone goes to remember what are the main do's and dont's of dating. and maybe meet new people Xp (I'm still nye drunk Xp but creative!)

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Great read!

My New Year's resolution is: one (big) strike you're out. No ifs or buts. I used to give chance after chance, to make up excuses for lame behaviour - well, not anymore. I actually started this mid-2013 and I noticed my life improved greatly.

 

And no more chances to guys who are lukewarm about me. If I don't see clear interest, I won't bother.

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Take responsibility for dating failures. Agreed.

 

But acceptance is huge. Accept the things you cannot change and change the things that you can.

 

Accept that sometimes things end and you will never know why. Nor does it have to be anybody's faults or that you did something wrong.

 

I would add that to your honest list.

Couldn't agree more. When a woman says she's just not feeling it I appreciate the honesty and I don't sweat it. We simpley are not going to appeal to everyone. I try not to wonder 'why' when things don't work out. If I can learn from it great. If not there's not point in getting bitter and analyzing.

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I sit on the fence a lot even if I really enjoy the guy... I dont know- just jaded I guess. But I will stop with the fence sitting.

 

I've done this. I try not to anymore, and have been fairly successful. The way I look at it is if I am on the fence I can't be really into them. And if I'm not I shouldn't waste their time or mine. The frustration happens when you feel like it is so close. You really want to like them more, but you just can't. From the other end, women who have been on the fence ultimately fall off the fence and land on the the wrong side So I know how that feels, so I try not to do it to someone else.

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F'ing eh. I love this thread already. !

 

I'm in. I will embrace putting myself out there this year. I'm ready. No more half hearted and using a backup sour grapes thought of "oh I don't care one way or another". I care. And I'm resilient enough and know enough about myself now to not need that any more.

 

My main dating resolution is to be more plain about my feelings and what I want. No hiding. I will be more than a big girl; I will be a woman about it.

 

Love it. Takes courage to put ourselves out there. There is a direct relationship between results and risk taking.

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