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Just trying to be happy...


MissLily13

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Lots going on in my life right now.

 

Stress at work, health issues within my family, and a recent break up that we kept dragging on, trying to make it work, realizing it can't, staying in touch, then going NC. We always decided to be civil going into NC, but recently, he just dropped off the face of the earth, and it kinda hit me hard, no civil ending before leaving and entering NC.

 

I know that I need to just cut the ties. I just hate the whole being sad, feeling like my life is passing me by and me feeling miserable, wanting to be a hermit but going out with friends to keep my mind off of things and pretending I'm ok but knowing I'm really not. I want to travel and enjoy city events but want to do it with somebody I love and care for. I'm getting older, all of my friends are in relationships, I'm the only single one. Everybody is getting married and having babies, and then I'm all alone. It just gets overwhelming sometimes. And tomorrow is NYE, wonderful.

 

I know time will heal with my break up, I'm just in a really depressed spot right now and don't know how to pull myself out of it.

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I can see how all of those things added together at the same time feel overwhelming. Maybe you can try separating them....

1) Stress at work. Everyone has stress at work. Maybe its something you can learn to accept as part and parcel of having a demanding job. Think of some things you could do at work to reduce your stress during the day...like have a cup of tea or healthy snack at a certain time to break up the day.

2) Family illness. That's a hard one. Maybe you could think of something you could do that would make you feel like you're addressing that to the best of your ability---ie spend more time with the sick member of your family or call once/twice a week. Send a card or a get well gift. Something that makes you feel like you're dealing with your own emotions about it and also giving them a reason to smile while they're experiencing rough times.

3) The breakup...yea, those suck hardcore. If you feel like it would help, you could reach out by email or text and say "NC kind of caught me by surprise. I am prepared to stop communication and also wanted to wish you well beforehand as we've shared so much these past few (months/years). Best wishes and take care"...or whatever you want to say. If that would give you some healthy closure, do it. If not, then don't but understand that NC rarely feels good to either person. It doesn't mean he never cared about you or anything that we can sometimes read into it.

4) NYE. If I were going to be alone for NYE this year, I would spend it making a little wish list or vision board for the new year and get some good take out and a bottle of wine. I happen to be alone for about 350 nights a year, raising a toddler, so why would I be depressed for being alone on NYE....its my regular life which I actually enjoy very much. Think of something you special you can do to ring in the new year with yourself. A little champagne? Toast yourself? Write up some resolutions or things you're happy to say goodbye to from 2013 (and then burn it) and then write up some things you're looking forward to welcoming in 2014. My favorite take out is Chinese and my favorite wine is Sauvignon Blanc....I'd get those two things, enjoy some down time and watch the ball drop. Be gentle and loving to yourself. We never know what's in store for us!!

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It's so easy to get bogged down with negitivity. Especially at this time of year. Try to keep your head up and keep a positive perspective. I recommend finding a few quotes that encourage you and stick them on your mirror for the next while so you see them first thing in the morning. You can do this...

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Look at things more positively: You're now completely free from some guy that you've been trying to make it work with but have come to accept that it's not doable, and that now that you're free and clear of that baggage you can be more discerning in the future and get away and stay away from guys like him (that you don't mesh well with) quickly so that you're not wasting valuable dating years being miserable with but afraid to give up.

 

Learn that living alone is much better then continuing on with someone that you're not trying to fit a round peg into a square hole with.

Work on being happy in your own company and when you have managed that, you'll not be sad to be alone nor will you settle for punks like the one you just finally got rid of for good. Block and delete him so he can't hoover you back into square one of your pain with crumbs of electronic attention that don't mean anything.

 

Happy New Year.... Start thinking more positively and more postive outcomes will refkect back to you. Buy the book "The Secret" and change your attitude for the better.

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Thank you all for the great advice. I really, really, really do appreciate it.

 

As far as my ex, he is the type that when he gets sad, he will go into hermit mode. I know there is no way of knowing how he is feeling or what he is doing. I tried to send him a message similar to what u said with no luck. My mind always goes to the worse possible place, but I know he loved me, and I know he is sad. I know the nest thing for me is to just let him go and move on with my life, it's just so hard. We shared so much, lived together, and just hung out less than a week ago. It's so hard to do the right thing lol. And we were supposed to be together on NYE, we had plans and everything.

 

I love my friends I just can't be around them and their happiness right now. I know, bitter, party of 1...but I have to live out my feelings and let them vent, suppression will just make them worse. It's just so hard to get over this hump. I'm definitely planning on getting take out and a bottle of wine. I just hate this feeling of overwhelming sadness, it affects everything, and the stress is awful. I just wish I could fast forward in time and be happy again.

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Why must you eat and drink alone though? It's understandable that you're sad but to wallow in it on NYE isn't in your own best interests. You don't have to go out and put on a happy face infront of a room full of couples but surely you have family, brothers, sisters, Mom, Dad one good single friend of the same sex that you can at least share that wine with that will keep you from sinking deeper then you already are?

 

Give yourself time to start to feel whole again but certainly don't remain in your pain because you've now made it your best friend.

 

The best to you in 2014 May all your goals be reached. There's something for you to do, make your vision board, cut out things you want from old magazines and put them up on a cork board so that you have your goals visually reminding you that "this too shall pass" and you'll have achieved bigger and better things.

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