trust101 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 So my life was going smoothly until a couple of months ago. I was studying medicine, 3rd year, had a very beautiful girlfriend and was living by myself with a lot of freedom. Long story short, she moved away back to our home town (we were studying abroad) and my insecurities and horrible, horrible behaviour blew it. I'm torn between wanting to tell someone but then I get anxious because I did something horrible to lose someone like her. She doesn't want anything to do with me now, and I'm embarrassed to even talk to her. I had to drop out of med school as well. She won't forgive me and doesn't want anything to do with me. I don't blame her because I can't forgive myself either. I'm a selfish, abhorrent monster. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 my insecurities and horrible, horrible behaviour blew it. I did something horrible - I had to drop out of med school as well. . It would help a lot to know exactly what "horrible horrible behaviour" and things you've done to have caused her to want nothing to do with you and made you drop out of med school. Link to comment
trust101 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 Well basically after she moved back home she started acting different. I could tell. Anyway, when I went to visit after a couple months later she said she went out with some guy who knew was into her but 'nothing happened, because he has a girlfriend.' Anyway, I thought she was going to hurt me so I ended things, but then I regretted the decision, which in retrospect was the right one as a couple of people have told me. But the horrible thing I did was sort of tell all our problems and her secrets to her ex friend, because I wanted to know if I had made the right decision and I had no one else to talk to about it. So now she says I'm the worst person she knows, because I spilled our secrets to her. I know it was wrong, I shouldn't have and I have begged her to forgive me (not to get back together) but she won't even do that. Link to comment
trust101 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 I think about her all the time. The only thing I'm proud of post break-up is that I haven't been on facebook at all. I think just once in the past 5 months. Link to comment
Johnny Utah Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Well, mistakes happen but yours isn't even that bad. Unfortunate that it affected you towards school. Use this time to evaluate what you want. She moved on, she did. You should be proud about not checking on her on facebook. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 You should be able to go on FB, as you please. SHE should not stop you from that. Simply delete/block her. Then you won't see anything to do with her anymore..simple. You did some 'wrongs', you have your regrets.. (we all do) but, time to let it all go now. You need to 'try' and live your life again. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Dude you dropped out of school because of her? First off you are not totally in the wrong here. She went back home, gone out on a date with a guy that has a crush on her knowing it would make you feel uncomfortable. Sorry man but this girl isn't someone you should drop everything for, especially a great education that could take you farther in life. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I don't understand why you had to drop out of med school just because you told her friend your "secrets". What has that got to do with med school? Link to comment
Lucha Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 I understand your pain. You are not the horrible person she claims you are. You made a mistake, but her going out with some guy thats into her is not very respectful towards you. I am also in med school. The breakup has caused me to drop out for two weeks. Then I could talk myself to start again bc although I believed her to be the one and still miss her to death, she is totally not worth me giving up 7 years of hard work. So now I'm finishing in january, graduating. I hope you'll regain the strength to go back too. Link to comment
mbee Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Yes, please go back to school. I was in a Master's program during the time I found out my ex cheated on me the first time. Thankfully this happened right before the summer because I was an absolute mess. I say take a break if you need it, and definitely go back to med school when you are ready. Sometimes you just need time to mourn and everyone handles stress differently. You made some mistakes, but it's really not that bad and a mistake. With breakups, mistakes and misjudgments happen all the time. Be understanding about what happened. You'll get through this. You'll be okay. Link to comment
shelty24 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 You did the right thing. Her date with that guy was the beginning of an emotional affair. I would have dumped her too. Go back to school and forget her Link to comment
trust101 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 Oh wow. Thank you for your responses. I am really touched. I wish your words could heal my depression and feelings of worthlessness. I have really low self-esteem right now. It has been almost a month since I dropped out of med school. I was in my 3rd year. I can't really use her as an excuse because it's been 5 months since our break-up and 8 months since our relationship became long distance due to her graduating and moving back home (she is couple years older than me). I don't know. I feel worthless. I didn't want to drop out you know but my parents who were funding my studies found out that since we broke up I had stolen a couple of drug slips from my ward duties we have to do and I was abusing like hell and fell behind, went from 83 kg to 61 in less than 2 months (38 inch waist to 31.5). Basically I took advantage of my medical knowledge in an improper way. So my parents told me they wouldn't support me anymore so I had to come back home. Right now I'm working part-time and saving up for uni in an accounting course. My dream is hopefully apply to get into medicine after I finish accounting (post-grad). But yeah, I don't deserve her. I'm pathetic. I'm not going to be a doctor like all my friends I grew up with and incidentally the guy she went out with was in his final year of studying...medicine Something tells me that she won't take me back because I'm a loser. I mean who drops out of med school? Link to comment
trust101 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 Not to mention I don't have anymore friends back home. Since the workload of studying med was intense I didn't have time to catch up with all of them. But this girl was perfect. Now she wants nothing to do with me. After all we talked about. I'm not a big fan of facebook anyway. And we have quite a lot of mutual friends and I can't block/delete everyone and I know if I go on I am going to see her posts. So I haven't. She wanted for us to get engaged. I should have said yes. I am going to regret august 10th, 2013 forever. Link to comment
trust101 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 You did the right thing. Her date with that guy was the beginning of an emotional affair. I would have dumped her too. Go back to school and forget her Thanks for being on my side but they didn't go on a date. They just 'hung out' for dinner and catch up. He asked her. He was into her a couple of years ago, before we met, but the thing is she only told me after a couple of weeks when they hung out. Link to comment
trust101 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 You should be able to go on FB, as you please. SHE should not stop you from that. Simply delete/block her. Then you won't see anything to do with her anymore..simple. You did some 'wrongs', you have your regrets.. (we all do) but, time to let it all go now. You need to 'try' and live your life again. "I don't like depending on people because people leave all the time. Because at the end of the day all you have is yourself and that has to be enough" - A.M. Really love that quote. I can't seem to let it go. It's been 5 months. She won't even FORGIVE me. Let alone give me a second chance to try and make her happy. But now that I dropped out, I think she truly doesn't want anything to do with a loser such as myself. Link to comment
trust101 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 OH CRAP! I called her around (literally) 30x today. She's been ignoring me for a while. She finally sent an sms 'keep calling me and I will notify the police. You don't harass people like this. And your actions will be anwsered.' Link to comment
trust101 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 Omg. That was the first thing she wrote to me in 3 months. The last one was 'you are the worst person I know.' I guess it is over. I feeling like falling into an abyss. I let her go. She is gone. How can I stop the overwhelming pangs of regret I have every minute or two? Link to comment
trust101 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 How can she write to me that I was 'the love of her life' on my facebook page and now she smses me that? News flash to all hopeless romantics, believe me I was one too, love does NOT conquer all. Link to comment
Lucha Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 You really have to stop contacting her. You can call once, twice maybe but after that and no response from her you should take the hint and let it be and walk away with your dignity intact. About medicine: i see you have a good reason to drop out. Substance abuse is something a lot of doctors and med students are prone to. However, i do believe you can go back one day if you start working on yourself now. You should not enter medicine again if you're feelig this unstable, it is simply dangerous for your own health (with all the access to meds etc). But you should work on you and someday you may return.. Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 .... because I spilled our secrets to her. I know it was wrong, I shouldn't have and I have begged her to forgive me (not to get back together) but she won't even do that. Oh, thank God! I thought someone died. What you did is forgivable. Even if she can't, you can and should forgive yourself. You aren't a monster. Monsters don't feel regret. And sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone else isn't a sin. It's human. In reality, she's likely the worst person she knows. After all, none of this would have happened if she hadn't instigated the change. Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Trust, it appears you're obsessing/stalking now. Nobody here would recommend you behave like that. You have to resist the urge to contact her in any way. When you begin to let go, you begin to heal. If you were a doctor and you had a patient picking at a sore until it became infected and scarred, you'd tell him or her to stop picking to facilitate the healing - antibiotics won't work if you keep opening the wound and introducing bacteria. You need to consider doing something wiser. What do you get out of calling her 30x a day? Link to comment
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