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I feel bitter toward the ex and her new relationship, I need to overcome it


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I was with my ex for 1 1/2 years and the last 6 months were emotionally crippling for me. The first year started out ok but in the very first month she called me one day while I was spending time with family and told me she felt suicidial. I went to be with her and that was a pattern that emerged and kept coming up until the very end I had nothing left to give her and we broke up for good after one failed breakup.

 

At the beginning of the relationship I was assertive about having my own time and activities with friends and family because I thought it was good to have that balance. I used to go think she was emotionally blackmailing me when she would sob on the phone about how I didn't care about her and eventually I gave up on having my own time and space.

 

When we were together I tried to get her to go out with all these friends she said she had before we met but she never would. I encouraged her to go to concerts, take up her favorite sports, make new friends, anything to get her out of the house but she always refused. She would go to work and come back to her place and sit on the couch watching TV. I would plan trips and outtings and she would cancel at the last minute and so we would end up sitting inside her place all weekend watching TV.

 

After we broke up, I saw on her FB that she was going out to all these places with friends of hers that I never met. There were the pictures of her at a bunch of places. Then she met her new boyfriend and I see that they are taking trips together and going out. It also looks like they spend time away from each other on weekends, which I think is healthy but that was something she would never let me do without calling me constantly until I gave up on my outting and went back to be with her.

 

I know we are not good for each other. I dont want to be in a relationship with her and I have turned down one relationship already because I dont think I'm ready to be in one after the last one which was emotionally draining and dispiriting.

 

Despite all that, I feel bitter thinking about how the new guy doesn't seem to have to deal with any of the things I did. I know this bitterness isn't good for me but Im not sure how to let it go.

 

Thanks for reading.

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Be happy that someone else has to deal now with her suicidal tendencies. But seriously being hurt about this damages you only. You even admit that you don't want to be in a relationship with her. Most likely, you just feel regret that she wasn't like this with you but just off Facebook you can't know that their relationship is that great, not that it matters, but people only will post good things. So you really need to stop looking her up (something I working on myself too) and focus on yourself.

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Silversoul, True and you are correct in that I wish she would have been like that with me. Instead I feel like I was put through the emotional ringer and it made me question my own sense of worth for a long time afterwards. When I think about it I feel like she must value this new person much more than she ever did me but I have no idea why. It's one of those mysteries that I wont ever know so I'm just trying to get to where it doesnt bother me one day.

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I know how you feel, my ex is going travelling with this new girl for seven days while when I suggested something that long he would never agree. You just have to understand it is her problem, it is not you that caused her to be like that in the relationship. I'm sure most of the girls would be very happy if their bf made an effort to take them out and suggested things to do.

 

I think you are a good person and I know it because you are recognising it is not good to get hurt by this. So recognising it is the first step to leave those feelings behind. Don't doubt your self-worth and don't base it on whether she values you or not. It is not important, what is important is that you value yourself at this point, you are already and understandably hurt. So put all your effort into your healing. The way I'm starting to view it, human behaviors and feelings are so random sometimes, it is impossible to rationalize them so it is better not to dwell on this. Like you said it is a mystery so just let go of it.

 

For your sense of worth I recommend this book link removed

The title may seem cheesy but it was helpful to me

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Facebook is the external representation of the happiness people want you to see. You will not know what is actually happening in her life.

 

I think your best bet is to completely cut her off, reviewing her life on social media, so you can get her off your mind and focus on your healing.

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