Girls cheating on their boyfriends with me.

[Silvarr]

And I really don't know how to feel about this.

 

It's been a few times in a row now, for almost three years, that I've been ONLY with women who were already in a relationship. It seems to all begin with building some trust. Once they trust me and see me as a discrete and serious person, it happens (at least that's how I see it). I don't look for this kind of experience, I don't search for it - it just happens! With some it's just a one time thing and with others it's a bit more than that. We continue seeing each other until they either go back to their previous relationship (after having ended it), or just find somebody else. I can't seem to find a single girl to dedicate myself to.

 

I would like to know people's opinion on this. Is this morally correct ? Should I look out for people's relationships and say to girls "Don't do this, you have a boyfriend.", instead of kissing them ?

[Snny]

I don't look for this kind of experience, I don't search for it - it just happens!

I don't agree that it "just happens"- you choose to let it happen. you are willingly kissing them. It takes two to tango. In order to not be the person who someone cheat with, all it takes is for you to assert your boundaries.

 

"I'm sorry, but I am not the right person to comment or ask about _________."

"I understand how you feel about ________. What does your boyfriend say about it?"

"Hey, don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Sorry, I don't think this is appropriate when you are dating someone else, and I'm not interested."

 

You have just as much power to walk away from these situations as they do. That's what it takes to be the bigger person in these type of scenarios. You just choose not to- especially if you are staying in contact with them while they are in a relationship. They cannot offer what you want, so what's the point in staying with them?

 

There are single girls out there- you just aren't looking in the right places.

[Moontiger]

Pretty much this. IF you are unsure if someone has a BF ask the right questions and so you have all the information you need.

[allcity]

I don't agree that it "just happens"- you choose to let it happen. It takes two to tango.

 

Agreed! You're totally choosing to not only let this happen but to make it happen.

 

I'm also a guy that women try to cheat with all the time and for years I asked myself the same question you're asking.

 

I really thought that I wasn't being flirty etc and was just being a nice guy and easy to talk to and wondered why this kept happening to me.

 

Then I realised that I was totally flirting and leading these women on and bringing all of this stuff on myself, without realising it. It was just my default behaviour with women and a pattern I needed to break.

 

Now when I sense that an unavailable woman is into me, I find that it's very easy to shut things down with her and just keep things platonic and friendly.

 

It doesn't stop them liking you but it does make it clear that nothing will happen between you.

 

Sometimes that makes them try harder, so you just have to stick to saying 'no thanks' in a nice way, without hurting their ego.

 

You're just choosing not to do any of that!

 

Besides, it's one thing to wonder why unavailable women are often into you, but it's another thing entirely to actually sleep with them and STILL wonder why it's happening.

 

Errr....because YOU'RE choosing to sleep with them. It's not really rocket science, dude.

[itsallgrand]

Agree with Snny.

 

And your failure to put up appropriate boundaries with women in relationships is going to certainly repel a lot of interesting and decent single women.

 

You are cheating on yourself, essentially. Cheating yourself out of a chance at an actual relationship with someone who has something to offer you.

[DancingFool]

Lol.... it most certainly does not just happen. You are an active participant and equal instigator. There are tons and tons of amazing single women out there, but you are choosing to engage in afairs with ones who are not really available. You know good and well that what you are doing is morally reprehensible. However, if you want something different, then you need to figure out why you are doing what you are doing? Do you see them as easy targets, is it about the sneaking around and excitement, a power trip? What really motivates you? Once you know that, you can work on changing your perspective and the choices you are making.

[Kendahke]

When the same character keeps coming to you in different bodies, then you are supposed to be learning a lesson about yourself in order for you to stop attracting that character to you and instead, attract a character whose energy "vibrates" at a finer speed.

 

You said for the past 3 years, you've been screwing women who are already in relationships. When did you get around to telling them that you were not going to bed and screw them? After you'd have sex with them? Well, it's no wonder that the character keeps coming around---you will let them in for your own sexual gratification instead of barring the door and not permitting them entree into your intimacy.

 

When you start denying them entree at the start instead of doing it after you've had your nut, then the universe will stop sending this character to you.

[allcity]

When the same character keeps coming to you in different bodies, then you are supposed to be learning a lesson about yourself in order for you to stop attracting that character to you and instead, attract a character whose energy "vibrates" at a finer speed.

 

So true! Wonderfully put.

[Lorem Ipsum]

Cheating yourself out of a chance at an actual relationship with someone who has something to offer you.

But, you are going to have to be honest with yourself. Maybe the reason why you are in this pattern is that you don't really want an actual relationship with a woman who is available to you. You may fear commitment or true intimacy and with these women who are already with other guys, you know that you will have neither. Just something to think about.

[lady00]

The common denominator here is you. Raise your expectations and you will get a different outcome. And stop deceiving yourself into believing this just happens. It's not like you trip and fall and it's an accident. You choose to do this and you can choose to stop right now. Next time a woman hits on you figure out if she's single and if she's not, tell her to call you when she is single. Don't even entertain the idea and you will see changes. Women do this because the ones you encounter have no moral compass and you accept it and don't expect more from your dating life. Raise your standards! It may mean no hooking up for a while but that is what happens when you have standards, you hold out for someone who is worth your time.

[nick66]

My opinion? Karma will wait until you're in a serious relationship or married and she will do to you what you've done to others.

[shelty24]

Let me guess? Women whine about their problems or b**ch about their bf and you listen all caring and understanding giving her the emotional support she should be seeking from him..

 

cheating never "just happens". You enable it and allow it to happen. If I was a single girl, met you, saw potential and then found out you have been sleeping with other mens gf for 3 years-Id run a mile.

 

Most women are looking for someone honest, stable, reliable, trustworthy with strong morals and integrity.. your building up a bad rep for yourself