Is this emotional abuse and how can i talk up about it? Please help :(

[gorgeousgirl23]

I am adopted I don't know my birth parents but I have had a pretty rough life as a child at age 3 I used to bite at nursery okay not the point but hear me out as I will mention this again I got badly bullied through primary school not that much but really badly in secondary school my adoptive parents knew I was being bullied but never pulled me out despite they knew how much I hated it. When I was 13 my mum started to abuse me physically pulling me down the stairs by my hair, calling me every rude name under the sun like a gutter snipe, I should go back to the gutter where I belong, your a worthless piece of s*it, my dad also pulled me down the stairs by my hair leaving me outside on the front door step sometimes in just my underwear even during the winter months and my mum used to hit me with a metal stick that was needed to get into the loft of our house I used to hide under my covers in my bed so it wouldn't hurt she always pulled the covers back and really whacked me with it of course I knew I was being abused, I didn't say anything to anyone I kept it quiet I was so scared but I saw an NSPCC website and talked to somebody online about it they got in contact with my local social services where I had to go with my mum to meet with a social worker and the police my mum in the car said If I told anyone she would beat me even more and so I told them I lied now I know that was THE biggest mistake of my life.

 

Since then its only been emotional abuse I used to bite as a child but my mum still uses that against me, she cals me every name under the sun like a f*cking , I am a , drug addict, all I know is to smoke (I smoke cigarettes only), constantly pulls me down, if she doesn't do something right of course she blames it on me, one time she was driving and reversing she went into the car behind and said it was my fault she tries to buy my love with clothes, Itunes vouchers and uses my bad health against me I have a vomiting phobia every time I saw I feel really sick she replies "ohhhh stop this already its pathetic". I spoke up about it when my mum hit me on the hand with a plate cutting me in 2010, again in 2011 but had to go back as I had nowhere to live and I was in debt though I know now what a big mistake that was when I returned both times she said she would change but of course she hasn't

 

 

This has now been going on for 13 years I have no self esteem, no self confidence, I am very shy, I wanted to re do my GCSES so I can go into some field of medicine though my mum laughs everytime I say I want to re do them as I am not driving yet she says that I have to do my theory test first she is making my life so miserable of course I want to talk up about it though I don't know what I am so scared about I guess because its emotional abuse I don't think anyone will believe me even my bosses because my mum acts like she is so innocent and sweet all the time and that she is perfect when she is far from it.

 

What do I do now? I am constantly scared I have savings from my pay as I am a nanny and if my bosses don't believe me I am so scared I will loose my job I look after 3 boys who I love so much now I want to tell somebody but I am so scared nobody will believe me I have got alot in savings but it charges me if I want to get it out as its a post office savings account and need 30 days notice

 

I am so fed up of this all now please can somebody else help me how do I talk up about this abuse?

 

Thank you for reading and god bless

[El0t]

It doesn't sound like your mom is an entirely rational person, but have you tried talking to her about it? Unfortunately just because someone is a parent or an adult, doesn't mean that they will be good at it. I would seek professional help from a counselor or therapist. They would be able to advise you in what you can do to remedy the situation and what steps you can take that would be appropriate. In the meantime, just try to surround yourself with as many positive influences as you can and keep busy as much as possible.

[safenow]

Ok, going into mum mode here as this sounds very traumatic and I have to say, it sounds as if your parents have been both emotionally and physically abusive. How old are you. Just wondering what sort of support is available to you out there as it differs for under 18s. As for low self esteem, it takes a lot to speak up, even on a forum, and it is good that you are working and trying to get on with your life. I am hoping you are 18 or older in which case I would urge you to move out and keep your wits about you. You are in a vulnerable position, don't be drawn into any supposed quick fixes (men who promise too much too soon, drink, drugs- I'm sure you know the score, but those of us from abusive childhoods are very prone to these outlets) I really hope all goes well for you. As an adult, you can define and redefine yourself. Never let anyone tell you you can't follow your dream of going into some form of medicine. You can do whatever your heart tells you.

[blackgnat]

I would not tell your parents anything. Your mother has been horrible to you and I think that if you tried to reason with her or to enlist her support that she would try to thwart you or use the information against you. She might be scared that you would grass her up and so she's not going to welcome any ideas you have for change.

 

Are there any social services you can use? Someone you can talk to in the housing department? The council? (I'm assuming you're from the UK) Don't tell your parents about your savings account. Sock away as much money as you can from your job and look in the want ads for a flat or house share. Get out of your parents house because you will not be allowed to grow. I agree with safenow-follow your dream of going into medicine-your mother isn't qualified to tell you that you can't do it, is she?

 

Ignore the negativity of your current living situation, always building on the future, getting out of there and directing your own life. You can do it!

[blackgnat]

And yes, it's emotional and verbal abuse and if your mother has beaten you, it's also physical abuse. A person like her should NEVER be in charge of children-she is a loathsome human being. Sounds like your dad is too and I'm so sorry you have had to endure this kind of treatment.

 

You love the 3 boys that you are nanny to and you therefore see how children SHOULD be treated and loved. It's a testament to your good character that you love these boys and have not allowed your own personal horrible experiences to influence you and your treatment of others. Be proud of your strength!

[lukeb]

Well you don't talk to your bosses about the abuse you suffered, if you are doing a good job for them there is really no reason for them to hear about it. Your bosses aren't social workers or anything like that. To talk about this with anyone you know is a tricky thing you have to use good judgment when you do, it would be safer to talk about this with someone professional. You are living with your parents because you need their financial help, you have to weigh that with your emotional health. Looks like you decided the financial help that they are providing at least for the short term is more important. I can't imagine that I would move back under these circumstances, but these are your personal choices and you do what you need to do. I would encourage you to empower yourself especially financially and find a way to live independently from your folks. This is a goal you can work towards gradually. Getting your drivers license for example is a good goal to start with and work from there. Reaching and accomplishing goals will help in your self esteem and give you a sense of accomplishment. Good luck.