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I ruined my amazing 7 month relationship by letting my own insecurities get the better of me for a couple of weeks and now I just cant seem to forgive myself and get over it.

 

We were brilliant together and everyone thought we were a perfect match for each other so it's so frustrating that she had forgiven me for acting a fool and wanted to carry on with the relationship but couldn't shake this strange feeling that the relationship would never be the same again and she couldn't be happy with me so ended up breaking up with me. To be clear, I didn't do anything particularly horrible or anything I just repeatedly bickered with her over silly things and sulked for a couple of weeks so now I cant wrap my head around why that's enough permanently end the relationship.

 

I'm really struggling to come to terms with it and move on because I cant stop thinking about how great we were together before all that and how it shouldn't really be over. I hate myself for ruining it.

 

I'm also tortured by the thought of her moving on. As a beautiful, down to earth girl she'll have loads of men chasing her and will have no difficulty moving on. I on the other hand, do not meet many girls who I really like and she is the only one I've ever wanted a serious relationship with. I don't have especially high standards but I think that it might be that I am only attracted to a very specific personality or something. I'm feeling really helpless and lonely and the thought of her fancying or even worse having sex with other men makes me feel physically sick.

 

What can I do to forgive myself for ruining the only great relationship I've ever had?

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Well you learn from it for your next relationship,i did the same exact thing i ruined our relationship. I want to forgive myself too and some day we will reach that point. Same thing with my ex, most people in school say that's she's the hottest girl in school. I took her for granted and ruined things. One advice i can give you? CUT CONTACT all contact, everything please trust me. I was devasted to find out she was in another relationship a month later, most people don't know but i had super stalking skills which made me question if there was something going on and a mutual friend confirmed it. BIGGEST mistake, i'm still hurting so much but please please listen to me cut all contact and don't snoop around. I thought maybe if i knew she was with someone it would give me

Closure that she moved on, but hell no. Felt100x worse than when she said we're not going to get back together

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Bickering over nonsense is annoying and sulking for a couple of weeks is actually extreme and highly punishing to your partner. Most self respecting people will walk away from that. I think you really need to take a good look at how you handle conflict and don't just brush this off as nothing much. You got a hard lesson from this in that it cost you a relationship. So better learn from this and work on yourself going forward so that you don't repeat the same mistakes. Grow and become a better, stronger person and you'll have no trouble attracting other women. Wallowing and hating yourself or dwelling on what she is doing with who won't help you. Onward and upward.

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i made the same mistake with my ex. i put her happiness in front of mine, which ended up turning me into a person that did nothing for himself, and stopped growing as an individual. it made me miserable and i put so much pressure on her to make me happy. sometimes you have to take time away from your girl to grow and work on yourself, which can be an extremely hard thing to do, but it's the right thing to do, the mature thing to do. taking responsibility for your own life is the best thing you can do for yourself. i'm sure you were happy alone when you met her, and eventually you will get back to that point.

 

blug makes an extremely important point. if she tries to contact you, DO NOT respond unless you feel completely healed. trust me if you are not over this, you will be the same annoying bickering person to her. i went nc with mine, and each text i ignored gave me strength to move on. then when i caved and invited her over, i wasn't completely ready, and ended up pushing her away again by being sad and emotional, now i feel like i'm starting all over. focus on yourself and make yourself happy, she's not there to do that and she doesn't want to have to. you HAVE to forgive yourself, it's the only way to get over this. when you feel sad just focus on the moment, focus on your breathing, relax, and don't think about the past or the future. just relax, feel whatever you are feeling, and focus on making yourself a better person.

 

dwelling has to be the hardest thing to get over because the person you expected to be there for you just left, leaving you with just yourself. admit defeat, pick up the pieces and start building again. and NEVER stop building just for a relationship.

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Bickering over nonsense is annoying and sulking for a couple of weeks is actually extreme and highly punishing to your partner. Most self respecting people will walk away from that. I think you really need to take a good look at how you handle conflict and don't just brush this off as nothing much. You got a hard lesson from this in that it cost you a relationship. So better learn from this and work on yourself going forward so that you don't repeat the same mistakes. Grow and become a better, stronger person and you'll have no trouble attracting other women. Wallowing and hating yourself or dwelling on what she is doing with who won't help you. Onward and upward.

 

Well to be fair, I wasn't sulking and bickering for weeks. I was a bit sulky on a couple of occasions over the course of a couple of weeks. There was just as many occasions where we had a good time either together or talking over the phone but I think just as she was getting over one incident the next happened and maybe that was the problem.

 

It's true that I can learn from this but that is very poor consolation for ruining things with someone i really cared about and throwing away a relationship which was a highly valued part of my life. A short period of complacency has cost me very, very dearly. It feels like how I'd imagine it feels to be fired from a dream job or thrown out of uni just because you were late a few times and I cant help but beat myself up about being stupid enough to allow it to happen. It's devastating.

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