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coping with stress


Komal

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so... i m just starting to understand my boyfriend a bit on how he handles stress

 

he gets really frustrated inside, doesnt talk much, relationship becomes boring... he doesnt really come back to normal until things r fixed...

sometimes, it takes months for these external factors to sort out.

 

i find it really hard to keep going. i end up feeling neglected and not valued. he does try to spend time with me, gets very intimate physically and tries to tell me he loves me, doesnt like being away from me.

 

but i feel that external things take a toll on him, his personality changes, he cannot invest in the relationship.. i think its a serious problem because he cant get past it for months until things get fixed!

 

he and i had a talk and he wants to try harder to become normal during these times.

 

any advice/thoughts?

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I'm not an expert but i can tell you from personal experience that my ex acted the same way.

 

It looks like he may be depressed and if that's the situation you're in then just doing little nice things for him (not sex) will be incredibly appreciated...

unfortunately for me i found out she was depressed after we broke up but i would suggest you try and schedule an appointment to see if this is what's affecting him.

 

a lot of times high stress situations can cause someone to plunge into a longer lasting depression, he may need therapy or medication... and again im no expert but i went through a very similar situation

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Don't really know where you are leaping to conclusion that he is depressed or needs counseling...

 

OP, you say that he is physicaly affectionate and tries to pay attention to you, so what exactly do you mean by neglecting the relationship? How is he neglecting? Are you sure you are not just overly demanding for attention? When life happens, a person's focus naturally should be on correcting the problems and not just running around pretending everything is fine.

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not concluding... just thinking of possibilities.

 

he is a different person when the external factors get fixed. sometimes, things r not in our control so if he is mot able to understand and move past these things, and the relationship is getting affected there's something wrong...

 

he is physically affectionate, etc so that tells me he doesnt want to end this relationship.

 

i m not overly demanding or seek attention. i know myself. i m more into understanding and helping both of us become better for each others!

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he would joke around lot more

get over arguments he has faster

laugh more

just more, lively and fun to be around

he is spontaneous, funny, charming, witty...

 

we were in different countries for a little bit in the past. we had lot of trouble with visa and stuff... he was dufferent the whole time... lasted 6 months!! once we could be together he swinged like anythung!!

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