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My confidence is shattered...


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So me and my ex have been broken up for a little over a month now and i have to say things were getting better but now are getting really bad... I feel like such an idiot for breaking my NC with her but alas i did it and now i'm here to vent. So basically what happened was my ex's birthday was coming up and i had already gotten her a gift before we broke up so i told her i wanted to give it to her, she accepted and told me it was really great to hear from me and that she misses me etc etc... the next day i text her that i want to talk to catch up with her and she responds with telling me that the break up is what we needed because she needs time to grow personally and then goes into this whole thing about how the entire time we dated (2 years) she had been depressed and that she is finally taking antidepressants to try and feel like herself again. This statement completely shocked me and honestly gave me hope that she was regaining her feelings for me, so i asked her if we could get lunch to talk about things and she said yes.

 

So when we got together for lunch we mostly talked about what we have been up to and she said she really wanted to stay friends and that she wanted to hang out with "our" group of friends again (this group are only friends with her vicariously through me, they've told this numerous times). Throughout the lunch i got a lot of mixed signals on what she was trying to tell me. I was really uneasy about it, it felt like she wanted things to go back to how they were minus us being in a relationship but i accepted anyway because i felt like i needed to because she has very few friends and hearing she's recovering from depression i didn't want her to lose a majority of the friends she has. So this day came along and we all hung out and i had fun and she seemed to enjoy herself as well but i had this feeling of uneasiness about me the whole time she was giving me mixed signals again. So tonight comes along and i was playing some games with a buddy of mine (also a friend of hers) and i was just randomly talking about what he's been up to and he told me that he had been playing a game a lot alone which confused me because she told me that she'd been playing it with him. In the end i find out she's been actually playing this game and hanging out with this guy who i thought was trying to hook up with her while we were still dating.

 

I'm really confused what to do in my situation... i know people act out when they're depressed but it seems like she's trying to rebuild a friendship with me all around a lie and that her relationship with this new guy is also all built around a lie. Do i confront her then go back to NC, or do i let her just figure things out on her own and just start to go NC again without saying anything? (my problem with the second option is that she thinks we are "buddies" right now and has no idea i know about this other guy) As for final remarks i am definitely going back to NC because this is when i healed the most i just want to know which path to take.

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I say to go back to NC. Do not bother going at her for what she's doing now as you two are not longer together, so really, you have NO right to give any feedback. These are her choices.. right?

 

All you can comment on is whether you choose to be her 'buddy' or not?

Not sure how long you were seeing her? But i choose NOT to be buddies with my ex, since i still have 'feelings' for him. And i wont be a buddy until i know i am fully over him.

Less contact, the better, so you can 'accept and heal' over this mess.

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Im definitely not in a place to be her friend right now, and i do plan to go back to NC so i guess ill just do it without saying a word to her... I really dont think shes acting like her normal self but i guess people change and the only way she can really accept these problems is if i leave her completely alone to figure them out on her own... thanks guys i guess i had the right idea i just needed some validation

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