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Me [F21] wants to reciprocate in making a date with him [M35]


stargirl1993

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Me again. Deciding to finally take matters a little bit more into my own hands. Any advice is welcome.

 

We met in the fall in one of our university classes. He followed me on Twitter and started chatting at night. We instantly hit it off and would talk for hours.

 

He initially asked me to meet him for coffee in late October. We met up and 4 hours flew by.

Then in late November he suggested we get coffee again. This time he insisted to pay. We sat there for 5.5 hours talking about everything and nothing. At the end of it he hesitated then hugged me.

 

The in early December during exams he waited for me to finish a brutal exam, we took a long walk and had coffee again. He then walked me to the train, I leaned in for a hug- he crushed me against his chest with one hand in my hair, the other on the small of my back. We kind of looked at each other for a moment and parted ways.

 

Later we were talking over Skype and we were talking about climbing a mountain in our city. I said I wanted to climb it in the middle of the night to see the city all light up. He said "It might be worth joining you." I told him I seriously meant that, and he agreed that he too was serious.

 

It's been a couple weeks since this conversation but I'd really like to bring it up again and ask him. I'm just shy and worried about being rejected. I've grown really fond of him these past few months.

 

Is it too risky? Is there a good way to do it? I know he's put himself out there so many times. He's always the first one to send me a message if I'm online or to schedule getting coffee. I don't want him to think I'm not interested but I'm not ready to just flat out tell him that I really want him. Ahhh!!! I'm so awful when it comes to men.

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You brought it up. he said he was interested. So tell him that you are ready to do that mountain climbing and when is good for him. It sounds like he won't reject you. If he has to reject the actual plan because he has twisted his ankle since you saw him or he has plans that day - then don't take it is a rejecting! He is not rejecting YOU.

 

I think you need to start seeing this guy more than once a month if you like him.

 

But this is why age gap relationships often don't work initial even if the people are truly intellectually on the same page because the older person needs the younger person to not play the game that they are so nervous to even talk to them. normally i am not pro age gap, but this guy is not ancient and he has not pursue you in an inappropriate way.

 

I think that you should just simply schedule the mountain climb or tell him you are serious about the mountain climb - does he want to talk about it over dinner??

 

If you can't ask this guy who has been to coffee with you so many times an clearly thinks you are attractive out at this point - then you have to assess whether you really are at the stage where you are comfortable pursuing something with him. He is waiting for you to reciprocate and ask HIM out. He might end up asking you out once a month again - and if you like that pace, its fine, but he is not going to elevate this because he might be nervous as not wanting to come accross as too forward considering your age and wants to see if there is mutual interest.

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btw, you are not awful with men. Just stop playing impossible to get. You already sort of asked him to go climbing - you just need to set the day and time. I think also that you have the expectation that a man will say "dear stargirl, i am asking you out on a date" and thats not how things happen.

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I have to tell you that this was some of the best advice I've ever received in regards to the situation (and I've been begging for advice for a while). I asked him if he wanted to get coffee in the next week and he responded back rather quickly "We should. It'll likely be after New Years, but yes, coffee!" I intend on bringing up the hike while we're getting coffee.

 

He was being short with me for the past couple of days then as soon as I brought up coffee he began answering right away to everything. I think you're right, I was discouraging him but being so shy. I didn't want to be too much, look too interested but I have to demonstrate some interest before I expect him to do anything more.

 

Thank you!

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