mhowe Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 You can NEVER make someone work for you. It is a false premise. You are not in control of whether he will ever contact you again. Link to comment
cblossom20 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 I know im not in control of him contacting me and tbh im assuming the worst, but I just wanted advice about how to talk to him 'if' he ever gets bk in contact. How can I be nice but not come accross as a push over? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 He's losing interest. To be honest, if a girl acted with me the way you did with him, I would lose interest too. And instead of just being humble, apologizing and letting him take the lead, you basically gave him an ultimatum. Very immature. You really need to check your attitude before you continue to drive men away. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 His was not even a subtle way to say "its over". He just punted it into the future and I think it is safe to accept you won't hear from him again. You can't call it "over" before it has begun and think men will put up with your attitude. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 I know im not in control of him contacting me and tbh im assuming the worst, but I just wanted advice about how to talk to him 'if' he ever gets bk in contact. How can I be nice but not come accross as a push over? Maybe you should look for advice on how to interact without being rude or how to walk away from guys who do things you find inappropriate. Looking for advice on how to get out of the fallback position is a losing proposition. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 people who come on really strong in the beginning lose interest just as quickly. time to move on... Link to comment
cblossom20 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 Annie why are people like that? I dont get it?! Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 No idea. Maybe they are into the thrill of the chase. Then when they get you (or know they can get you), it's bye!! Like a kid that begs for a present, then plays with it for 30 minutes and forgets about it. Link to comment
greta96 Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 I don't think you did anything wrong actually. If I had any inkling that a guy I've just met was doing internet searches on me, I would most definitely confront him about it, and then drop him like it's hot. I have nothing to hide, but I believe in getting to know someone the old fashioned way, I don't believe in google searches, background checks and the likes. Most of them IME are wrong anyway, I've searched myself before and I killed myself laughing at the info I've found! I don't live where google says I live, I don't have 2 kids like google says I do...you get my drift. When guys say stuff like this guy said to you, it usually means they have other options that they like more. Your guy is probably seeing a few other women, and already had plans for NYE with one of them (you met him a week ago, usually people make plans for NYE way more in advance). He just took advantage of you confronting him about him potentially stalking your family, and used this as a reason to pretend to be offended, so that you can feel guilty and wait for him to contact you when it suits him best, after NYE, and be grateful that he did - after him having partied with someone else. He wants you on the back burner but doesn't want to look like a jerk in the process, so he just put the blame on you. Your little outburst couldn't have come at a better time... He won't be chasing after you. He obviously has more than one egg in the basket, so if he does decide to contact you after NYE, it will be either because things didn't work out with his main attraction, or because he wants to give himself a few options so he can always have someone to hang out with. In your shoes, I wouldn't reply to him at all if he contacts you after NYE, or I would reply to tell him I didn't think things were going to work out between us, but I wished him the best in his future endeavours. Maybe I'm too old, but I no longer have patience for guys who think they have it all figured out (regarding how to juggle women, that is). Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 If you think a guy is acting suspiciously, you walk away. You don't make unfounded accusations, discover you were wrong, expect him to laugh it off, and then try to get him to be interested in you again. Come on ladies. Really?! Yeah, he's obviously put her on the back burner. But, if the situation was reversed I think you might do the same. To suddenly suggest he's a player sounds like sour grapes. Link to comment
journeynow Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 Wow, really? All this in ONE week? Over Christmas week, even? Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 HMM were u upset at him for checking on your bro-in-law page? Or were you upset at him because you felt he invaded your privacy? I do think if you go to someone's page to check on their status or updates alot or you keep researching them, it can be another form of stalking. Stalking has negative connotation to it so people tend to get upset if a person they are dating constantly check their page or do research on them. That is why I don't research guys I date even though I have security access to a lot of databases due to my job. You don't want it to slip out during a convo you know something about them that they never told you.... because they are gonna know you researched them and then you are going to look for an exit out of the relationship. It makes you look like a stalker basically. But its also a courtesy thing... respecting people's privacy until they want to tell you themselves... which when they do, its a good marker of respect and trust they have for you. Link to comment
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