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Should I just forget about her (probabilities, pregnancy and my anxiety)


Samedy

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Okay, so last week I had sex for the first time (late bloomer, have regretted it ever since... Since then my libido has pretty much been reduced to zero).

 

I haven't heard from the woman since the night. Her idea was was to use the "pull-out" method as contraceptive.. I got most of "it" out, but when I started I started inside of her... (I also assumed she was on birth control, she wasn't/isn't). She didn't seem too worried; I'm basing this on the fact that she wanted to go again after but did tell me that was "uncool"...

 

After we were done, I went out and bought the Plan B (morning after) pill.. So she took that within 2 hours of it (according to the website that should yield a 95% success rate).

 

She also told me that her menstrual cycle had ended 3 days prior (which according to google, makes her low risk of getting pregnant).

 

The day before I know I pretty much had 6 go's at myself.. And according to google it takes between 24 and 72 hours for a guy to replenish.. So I also know I wasn't dealing with a full "load".. Of which she didn't get much of anyway...

 

So with everything being said, it seems there is a fairly low risk of her getting pregnant from this encounter..

 

I have tried contacting her a number of times to see how she's doing/feeling.. She hasn't gotten back to me at all... Should I just give up and wait for her? Reviewing things said, I don't think she intended for us to be in a relationship or anything.. It feels more like a hook-up (basing this on the fact that she told me if I'm with another girl I should ask them if they are on birth-control... And her telling me that she could help me furnish my house, which would give me better luck with women... And when I was leaving her place the last time, following this event, she said "see you later".. Where every other time we would set a date)...

 

I'm just wondering what I should do. I don't want to harass her. At the same time I don't want to be surprised 9 months from now....

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The chances that she is pregnant are very small considering the circumstances. However, ALWAYS use a condom if you don't want an accidental pregnancy or STDs. There's an old joke that goes: "What do they call people who use the pull out method for contraception? Parents!'

 

My suggestion is you just leave it alone. If she took Plan B and it was 3 days after her period, she is very unlikely to be pregnant. And if she doesn't want to see you again, then let it go. If she wants this to be more than a hookup, you'll hear from her eventually. If not, then just let her go. She knows how to respond to a text or contact if she chooses to, so if you are hearing nothing, that is what she wants to do right now, not communicate with you.

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It is absolutely OK to contact someone else if the girl you were seeing doesn't even respond to your texts... you didn't make a commitment to the first girl, and she's not showing any interest back at this point, so just go about your business and ask other girls out.

 

Many STDs don't show up right away... my suggestion is that you just use condoms with any girl you're with to be safe for both of you, and get yourself tested in a couple months to be sure, but use condoms from now on.

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Yes you should get tested. Many times an STD can be asymptomatic so unless you get tested, you may never see or have symptoms. The chances of her being pregnant are highly unlikely so don't sweat this too much. Just going forward use protection regardless of what the girl tells you about birth control. It's the only way you can protect yourself from getting her pregnant, not to mention STD's.

 

Also, you are free to date and go about your life since this was not a relationship. Sex by itself doesn't create commitments.

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I am sorry that you lost your virginity in a situation like this. It was VERY foolish on her part to use the "pull out method" with a guy who was having sex for the first time, and it honestly makes me wonder if she wanted to get pregnant. Did you see her take the plan b pill? You need to be very experienced and in control of your body to be able to pull out in time, and most guys are not. Even if you were, the pre cum could get a women pregnant, and you are in no control over that. These are all things I would not expect you to know when you are new to sex, but this is something that she should have known, and she should have insisted on a condom.

 

In the future, ALWAYS USE A CONDOM! The exception is if you are in a closed relationship with someone and both of you have been tested. That is the only exception! Since you are new to sex, I would suggest going out to the store and picking up a box of condoms, and practice putting them on correctly (you can find instructions online) so that you are ready to go next time. They also sell little condom cases that you can order online, which makes it save to keep one in your wallet. Always make sure that they are in date and the packaging is clean and new looking before using it. And any girl who tells you that she is not on birth control and you can just use the pull out method, for future reference, is a red flag!

 

As for getting tested, call your local health department and see if they will do it, many in the US do it for free. You can also ask their advice on when to get tested, some STI's take longer to show then others. Some do not show at all, and you only discover them if you pay to get tested for all of them. You must wait 6 months to get tested for HIV (though I have heard that you can get tested sooner for that now, so ask about that as well), and you need to get tested for that, though I wouldn't freak out too much about it if I was you.

 

As for seeing someone else, go for it! She already said you could be with someone else, and even offered to help you get laid by helping out with furniture, which means that she is not pursing anything with you at this time. You have no commitment to her at this point, so go for it!

 

Good luck, and congrats on finally "blooming"

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In fairness she didn't know it was my first time... I told her I had been with two other women... At my age, inexperience just leads to no-experience... Hence, part of my regret.. The whole experience was overrated and a complete let-down, and I honestly couldn't careless if I ever had sex again...

 

I don't really think this girl is my "type"... I need someone more "vanilla"... My main concern is hearing from her in a month (or 9) and then being responsible for another life...

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In fairness she didn't know it was my first time... I told her I had been with two other women... At my age, inexperience just leads to no-experience... Hence, part of my regret.. The whole experience was overrated and a complete let-down, and I honestly couldn't careless if I ever had sex again...

 

I don't really think this girl is my "type"... I need someone more "vanilla"... My main concern is hearing from her in a month (or 9) and then being responsible for another life...

 

Ha! Well, do not fear, sex is really amazing with the right person, it seems like this was just a really horrible situation.

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Dude. Use condoms. Come on now that's just common sense. Especially with someone you don't know who is into one night stands. She's probably not pregnant but I would get an sti test for peace of mind. It's a good thing to do every few months if you're sexually active and not in a committed relationship.

 

Did you skip sex ed class or what? Lol, I'm jk. Be safer from now on and it will probably be a better experience for you. Much less anxiety.

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