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About to meet a man who's interested, but I'm still raw. Panicking. Help.


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So I'm only 6 days BU.

 

I'm about to meet a guy friend, who I think is more than interested in being friends at 2pm for coffee, cake and a crossword in a pub. He knows the score, he knows I've just broken up and am feeling low. He has not put any pressure on me, given kind words of support, that's all.

 

My ex texted this morning 'how are you bear?' (nickname for me). I haven't answered, but it sent my mind racing. I know he's out and about, ie. on the pull because of a FB friend request for him from a pretty girl that came through on my iPhone at 3.30am on Boxing Day, he left his FB account left open on my phone (which I've now logged off). He'd been out drinking that night.

 

My doctor diagnosed me with moderate depression yesterday. I told my ex about this via text, by way of explanation for my behaviour in the latter stages of our relationship, to which he replied 'thank you'.

 

I'm now getting ready to go out. Shower, make up, making myself presentable for the world, despite being tucked away for a few days. Going to be late at this rate.

 

Just panicking. This guy is a nice guy. I don't want to muck up, in case this could grow into something more in the future when I'm back on track. Panicking now, am I ready? Should I get out there? Should I reply to my ex?

 

Any thoughts greatly appreciated.

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Hi, IMO don't reply to your ex. Why would someone say thank you in response to you telling them about your depression as explanation for your behaviour? Why do you feel like you need to explain? It sounds like you are apologising for yourself.

Go out and have fun, no expectations. Don't put pressure on yourself thinking of the future, it's too early. Only you know if you are ready (however if you have to ask...), see how it goes and maybe just look for friends at the moment.

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Don't panic. Remember, there is nothing that says this meeting has to turn into anything at all and you shouldn't be so serious about a first meeting... it's just coffee! Enjoy the coffee and company, then go home. If you don't want to date him again, then don't.

 

I think it is too early to really be dating anyone seriously. And the most important thing you need to do right now is cut off the ex... you'll not get over him if you're still communicating with him. If he dumped you, don't let him demote you from GF to buddy, or that is just a world of hurt and pain for you if you still want him.

 

So your task right now if focusing on cutting ties with him and putting him behind you. Tell him that being friends doesn't work for you, and he should only contact you if he changes his mind and wants to get back together, otherwise you are going to let go and move on and find a new partner.

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Don't bother with the ex- he's an ex now and either of you owe each other anything anymore.

 

Do take it easy with this new one. Your emotions and heart are very confused at this time. I think, until you can admit you're over your ex, it is not a good idea to move onto anything else, for a while.

You need to be mentally & emotionally healed from your recent BU. This can take some time.

 

Just go see your friend.. as friends. Do not rush things, at all. Give it another few months to get yourself in proper, emotional order again & healed.

 

tc

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Thank you guys. I went for the coffee. It was really nice, 3 hours out of the house in a lively pretty cafe, and, if i say so myself, once i'd made an effort i looked pretty good! Don't worry I'm going snail pace slow. As I said he is a good guy, I've known him for years, we were in the same year at school, long time ago. We talked a little about break ups, I got upset for a few seconds half way through, and that was it. He tentatively asked if I wanted to go to a party this evening, which I declined, and he was cool about it. I also bought a ticket for a NYE party, so something to aim for, even if I just go for a couple of hours.... A positive way to say I'm still alive, and there is a whole new year ahead...

 

My ex has texted 4 times today, and a FB message telling me how miserable he is and asking how I am. I sent one text 6 hours after the first one he sent, after the coffee saying,'I'm ok, just trying to get over us'. And that, is enough from me. He replied: 'I appreciate that. I'm sorry for all of this. I've been struggling also. Just wanting to make sure you're ok. X x'. To which I think, well you should have not checked out 4 weeks before we ended and handled things differently then, but I will keep that to myself.

 

I feel I have regained some control of my life, however small, but precious. And if I can do it, so can all of you. Hang in there everyone. Don't give in to breadcrumbs! Look after yourselves. And thank you, ena is a great support.

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Really, stop trying to be best buddies with him. If he dumps you, you owe him nothing ESPECIALLY not friendship and all that bogus 'hugs and kisses xox stuff.' He had his chance with you and he blew it, and you're not going to be his security blanket while he works on moving on to new women. You are on exactly the right track about the breadcrumbs. I always say, if you settle for breadcrumbs you WILL starve to death. So don't take anything less than you need and deserve. You don't need a whiny and sentimental ex babbling at you and sending 4 emails a day to distract you from your goal, which is healing and being emotionally free to find a new BF.

 

So you just just start ignoring his texts, and if he gets too intense, just tell him, look, you broke up with me. This is what breakups mean, we let go, move on and stop living in each other's pockets. So don't call me again unless you realize you made a mistake and want to be my BF again. And I may or may not consider it depending on how I feel at that time and whether I have a new BF or not.' That will give him something to chew on the think about. Don't be his security blanket that will help him get over you. He's a big boy and has to live with the consequences of his decisions!

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it means 'original poster'. I think he may be texting you and his ego is bruised, has he broken up I don't think he would text you. It is only a hypothesis though

 

Worked OP out after I posted! thanks though. Yeah, who knows why he's texting, might be going on a date tonight / on the pull and needs me as an emotional safety net, or he's just met someone, who knows? It doesn't matter, we're through.

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