Half-sister from hell

[mmnyc5052]

I've posted about her once before. Been told I need to stay away from her, and I have.

 

Basically, I am 25 and she is 36. Father's daughter from first marriage. She's made my life, my mother's, AND my father's life hell on numerous occasions. Never gotten over her parents divorce, 25 years later. Blames me for existing, basically. Resentful of me and the fact I have lived with my father/mother with no divorce and have been given a comfortable and happy home. To give example: she ruined Christmas last year. Was visiting from CA and on my birthday (Dec. 23rd) we went to a nice restaraunt and my parents got me cupcakes from the DC cupcakes place. She was all happy and talkative and boisterous, until come to find out, the entire night she was in her room drinking rum, in the morning she sent a slew of profanity-laced texts saying how she isn't a part of the family (despite the ENORMOUS effort we make to feel her welcome) and that I am spoiled and "f you dad, F your wife, F (me)) and she demanded to be taken to the airport. She left christmas eve morning as my dad complied.

 

Didn't speak for a year. Two weeks ago, she posted a Fbook link about migraines and tagged me in it. No idea why. For my birthday, she just said 'happy birthday' on Facebook. Went on to leave a huge status about my cousin, who is basically the same age but has 1 day difference (on xmas eve) Saying "Happy birthday sweet (my cousin)!!!! Love you so much!!!! So excited for you!!!" She shoves it in my face. She hates me for being alive. Then she posted " Dont know why I ever left Ca for Christmas!!"

 

 

I'm at a loss. My dad is over stressed with jobs/my grandparent's age/finances already. And she throws her obnoxious crap on him. He feels guilty though he shouldn't. The whole reason her parents divorced was her MOTHER cheated on my dad.

 

I haven't contacted her in 12 months but I fear for the future. I don't want her at my wedding whenever that happens and I know she'll pitch the world's biggest fit. I have at times feared she'd do something drastic to us. What do I do?

[Moontiger]

Your letting her win. She is getting to you and ruining what should be good occasions for you. Look, if your dad is going to let himself be manipulated that's on him. You get to choose how to interact with her and how to respond. Example, why do you still have her on FB?

 

Choose to only interact with her when you have to. If your dad questions you calmly state that you will not have anyone in your life who sends you profanity filled text messages.

 

EDIT: forget to address the future (ie wedding etc). Give her a chance, but if she starts acting bad during the planning process don't let her come/don't be afraid to kick her out.

[mmnyc5052]

Thank you very much for your reply. That is all sound advice --- the reason I still have her on FB is, (trust me I have mentioned deleting her altogether many a time) but I am always told "No, don't do that, it will fuel her fire, she will backlash even more."

 

It's ridiculous. At 36, her emotional age is no more than 12. She is a smart person and is a lawyer. What in the HELL is wrong with her? I get I don't have the divorce experience but we all go through things and many people I know are products of divorce and in NO way act like she does. I hate that I AM letting her win. I hate that it's even a battle. I think she may be bipolar because honestly one second she'll be fine and dandy and "you're my baby sister I loooooove you" to me and the next she hates my guts for, well, Nothing.

 

Bahhh.

[mmnyc5052]

Another thing: she admonishes my mother and has ever since she and my father were married. When my mother was pregnant with me, she (my mom) was alone with her in a foreign country on base while my dad was at war in Saudi Arabia. She'd pull the "you're not my mom" thing. A year ago, I heard through the grapevine she called my sweet, innocent, loving mother a whhore. I wanted to strangle her. I wish there wasn't so much hatred. I always am on eggshells and am on my best behavior around her and it gets me nowhere.

[Moontiger]

You gotta do what you know is right. Block her on facebook and don't respond when she acts child. The reason she acts this way is because she has gotten away with it for so long. Sounds like you dad never put his foot down and raised her feeling a lot of guilt. This caused him to let her bad behavior slide.

 

Do what you have to and stick to your guns.

[Moontiger]

Again, if your mom and dad are going to allow her to say those things and do nothing about it, that's on them. You can choose whether to have a disrespectful brat in your life or not.

[mmnyc5052]

Moontiger, it's true - my dad acts out of guilt and got her a bunch of presents for Christmas this year. He paid for her law school. He signed the papers without letting my mom know because he felt guilty and then she found out and every time they fight it's about her. She is a rat. I hate saying that as she is blood, but it's true. She can't get more pleasure from making my immediate family feel like crap.

 

I'm just scared of the time when my parents are no longer here and I have to deal with her crap. Legally speaking, she is a lawyer and whenever the time comes we have to deal with that stuff I'm scared she will have a knife to my throat making me feel like an amoeba.

[Moontiger]

That's true, but you have time to get things set. Make sure your parents have a will, and she is NOT in charge of it. Keep communicating with your parents so you know what their plans are for the when they get elderly.

 

You can also be more direct with your father:

 

"I feel angry when she (insert bad behavior)"

 

"I feel hurt when she (insert bad behavior)"

 

"I feel abused verbally and mentally"

 

This way you are not accusing her of anything, just stating how you feel. This way your dad won't feel you are attacking her and will more likely hear what you are saying.

[Moontiger]

Oh, and save literally EVERYTHING she writes that is negative about you, the family, etc. Keep records. Text messages, email, FB post and messages. If she every takes you to court over anything you just hand that file to the judge.